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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29182233">I Know The End</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaughterofOrion/pseuds/DaughterofOrion'>DaughterofOrion</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angry Sex, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bratting, Childhood Trauma, Dark Past, Dom/sub Undertones, Domestic Fluff, Drunken Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gangs, Light Angst, Light Dom/sub, Nightmares, Public Humiliation, Swordfighting, The Underground (Shingeki no Kyojin), Titans, Trauma, Underground Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), how much sarcasm is too much sarcasm?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:22:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>46,618</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29182233</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaughterofOrion/pseuds/DaughterofOrion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“This is the part where we die, right?”<br/>“Yeah, looks like it, brat.”<br/>.......<br/>Levi Ackerman hated when stuck up Mitras brats joined the Scouts, looking for adventure, so it’s little wonder that as soon as he read Y/N’s file, he took an instant dislike to her.<br/>Little did he know, Y/N was from a different part of Mitras. The part underneath it. Both harbouring dark secrets, Y/N and Levi find themselves at odds.... but for how long?<br/>.......<br/>Slow burn enemies-to-lovers Y/N x Levi. I’m bad at summaries and I only wrote this because I’m bored in lockdown and I jokingly promised a friend xx</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Female Character(s), Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/You, Levi Ackerman &amp; Reader, Moblit Berner/Original Female Character(s), Moblit Berner/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>231</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>518</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello and welcome to a not very original Levi fanfic, but isn’t that how we all love them?<br/>The timings of AOT confuse the hell outta me, so let’s just say the main body of the fic is set maybe 2 or 3 years before Eren and the gang rock up.<br/>Kudos and comments are always appreciated x</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Joining the Scouts was not how I saw my life going, I'll give you that.</p><p> </p><p>My mother was the daughter of a prominent merchant in Mitras, Lord Helian, but he'd sent her away when she fell for a stable boy, culminating in the birth of me, (y/n) (y/ln), in the small village in Wall Maria they eloped to.</p><p>My childhood was blithe, calm and happy. My father worked training horses for the Scout Regiment of the military and although our house was small, it was always colourful and warm - walls lined with dried out flowers and wooden floors hidden beneath rugs made from the rags of outgrown clothes. Due to the nature of my father's work, we even had a garden. I loved that garden. I loved the feel of stiff grass grazing the hard skin under my feet; I loved watching birds flutter from fruit tree to fruit tree; I even loved picking said fruit in the autumn, climbing up and up until the branches couldn’t take my weight anymore, and seeing if I could stay up there long enough to see the sunset. There was something relaxing about the way the colours dripped from blues into oranges, pinks, reds, purples, like some great bruise perching on the skin of the horizon.</p><p>We only grew fruit to sell to the government's ration collectors. They paid us well, knowing my mother would accept nothing less. She drove a hard bargain, and taught me to do the same. My rebellious streak comes from her too: every harvest she'd have me store some of our yield behind a little hidden door in the pantry, so we always had enough for ourselves. Some would call it selfish, I guess, considering the dire straights humanity was in, but she always used to say that “sometimes one has to be a little selfish, else we'd never get what we want.".</p><p>Our neighbour was a kind man, a doctor called Benning, and his wife. My mother had taught me to read and write, and I was an inquisitive child, so Dr Benning taught me science and maths, letting me join him as he treated the ailments of villagers, and teaching me how to do it too. I wanted to be a Doctor too, as a child.</p><p>I don't remember much of the day we found out my father was dead, beyond the two men at the door, one with cropped dark hair and wrinkles that ran from his eyebrows to his hairline, and the other, younger, taller and blond. Both wore green cloaks with silver wings embroidered proudly on the back, but their faces weren't proud. They were ashamed. My father had been killed in a fight - not his fight: two rookies had been scrapping over who would kill more Titans and when one of them pulled a blade, my father stepped in to try and calm them down. I'm sure I don't need to elaborate on how that went. I don't remember if they told us what happened to the others involved. All I recall is my mother on her knees on the floor, one hand over her mouth as she attempted to hold in the thunderous sobs pouring out of her.</p><p> </p><p>I just stood there, silent, as she clung to me for balance. I stood there, 9 years old, and decided I hated the Scouts.</p><p> </p><p>The following year was hard. Without my father's income we were surviving on charity and a pitiful compensation sum given to us by the military. It wasn't even equivalent to half a year of my father's salary. The harvest that year was low, thanks to seemingly constant rain, so when sickness spread through many of Maria's villages, my mother and I were just two of many who couldn't afford treatment. Luckily for us, my friendship with Dr Benning meant he agreed to treat us for free. I recovered. My mother didn’t . They buried her under an apple tree next to my father and it was decided by Mrs Benning that my mother would've wanted me to be with her family.</p><p>I'd never met any of my extended family. My father had none; they were all dead, and my mother had given hers up to be with us. How none of my village predicted what happened next I'll never know. Sometimes I wonder if they did, but thought sending me away was more attractive than the idea of another mouth to feed. Times were hard, I suppose.</p><p> </p><p>There I was, a ten year old in a shabby dress and cloak, with a letter from my neighbour explaining what had happened, stood in the large and imposing office of Lord Helian as he looked me up and down, my knotty (y/hc) hair falling out of its plaits. He leaned in to inspect me closer.</p><p>"So, my Yvette is... Dead?" he asked, a morose tone to his flat voice and his eyes full of pain.</p><p>I nodded. “Yes, sir. I believe you are all the family I have." I said, motioning to a portrait of himself and a group of people I could only assume to be my grandmother, uncle, aunt and cousins.</p><p>Lord Helian's gaze hardened and he closed his fist around the letter before throwing it into the fireplace.</p><p>"If Yvette is dead," he spoke slowly, "You are no relative of mine. She cut her ties. Get out."</p><p>I stood dumbfounded, either too shocked or too afraid to move.</p><p>"I said get out of my sight! Go!" he roared, and his eyes burned brighter than the ashy remains of the letter l'd pinned my future too.</p><p>A half-sheltered alleyway was my bed that night. I woke to find most of my belongings had been stolen, but when I misguidedly attempted to inform the Military Police I was sent away with a clip around the ear and humiliating laughter following behind me.</p><p> </p><p>That was when I decided it wasn't just the Scouts I hated. I hoped the whole damn military would rot in Titan territory.</p><p> </p><p>Homeless in Mitras, it took me less than a week to end up Underground, more than anything to avoid the stupid MPs and their favourite hobby: bullying street rats like me. It seemed they weren't fond of us 'cluttering the streets' and 'making the city look bad', so it was easier to usher us down and out of sight, into the pits of society.</p><p>Surviving underground isn't easy. There's even fewer rations below than there are above, and no one to officially regulate distribution. Instead we practice survival of the fittest, and I was no real fighter. However, I did have one thing to use to my advantage: growing up with my mother, l'd picked up her upper class Mitras accent and this distinguishable trait allowed me to fit in well enough above ground. This meant I could pose as the child of a Mitras resident, deliberately eavesdropping on conversations between merchants, MPs, servants. Servants were the best, as it was as if their masters had forgotten they had tongues when they let them be privy to private information.</p><p> </p><p>People in Mitras seemed to forget children had ears and tongues too, luckily for me.</p><p> </p><p>It didn't take long for me to gain enough notoriety to be seen as useful by many of the gangs Underground. I could tell them where MPs would be and when, if they were planning raids, even the occasional bit of gossip that could be used for blackmail. In return, they gave me scraps of food, money to pay for a room to sleep in, but most importantly I was protected. To harm me would be to effect the running of practically all criminals operating Underground, and no one in their right mind would want that.</p><p>By the time I was 13, other children had started trying to copy my blueprint, to varying degrees of success. Deciding I'd rather own my competition, I turned the operation into a business venture, buying information off them to sell for a better price to my well-established connections. Soon enough, it was a full blown cartel with me at the head of it. Underground they called me Echo considering the nature of my occupation, and I was glad. The fewer people who knew my real name, the better.</p><p>The business turned out to be quite lucrative, and I even started finding work above ground, where the more corrupt MPs would pay to know what their superiors were planning. Some just wanted dirt on each other to avoid being ratted out for their drinking and gambling - so long as they weren't meddling in Underground business, I was glad to keep them occupied. There were even a few who'd sell me more classified information my gang wouldn't be able to overhear on the streets.</p><p>At 15, I bought myself an apartment Underground, comprised of a bedroom, a toilet, a small kitchen and an office on the third floor of a house. Soon after, I bought the rest of the building: two more identical apartments beneath mine and an attic. I knew well enough that street sleeping down here was equivalent to a death wish, so now any of the kids who needed a place to go had one for free. They could feel safe in the knowledge that there was always a pillow and some bread to go around. I employed an older woman, who called herself Nan, to make sure the place stayed clean, and I left it to her to buy in food and medical supplies. I'd gotten pretty good at first aid, definitely helped by Dr Benning's training from my childhood. It was a useful skill in the Underground.</p><p>Of course it wasn't all smooth sailing. I had my fair share of fights and turf wars, especially as my workforce grew and some gangs worried that if I decided to start anything, essentially had an army of child soldiers at my disposal. They didn't seem to grasp that I would never have put any of my kids through that. I knew each of them by name, and I cared for them how I imagine big sisters do. If there was a fight, I dealt with it myself, having bought training in hand to hand combat and knife fighting from some of my more violent contacts over the years. My love for climbing trees had translated into a useful skill of scaling buildings which meant I could always make a quick getaway.</p><p> </p><p>Little did I know, it was all about to go tits up.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Main fic will start in chapter 2, but the backstory was necessary!! <br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. How To Get Forced Into The Army... For Dummies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ok, so I know I said chapter 2 would be main fic, and it sorta is but it sorta isn’t. Levi will be in chapter 3, and the enemies to lovers slow burn will begin (chapter 3 will be set 3 years after this one, when (Y/N) finishes her training) xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Echo! We need you! It’s Saoirse!” Nan shouted up the stairs to the attic. It’d been my office since I bought the whole house, as the office on the third floor had been converted into more sleeping space for the kids I worked with.</p><p> </p><p>Saoirse was one of them.</p><p> </p><p>She was 8, with curly dark hair that spiralled around amber eyes, and she was nimble as anything. She was one of my best workers, and one of my favourites of the children (not that I’d admit it, I couldn’t be seen as picking favourites) due to her endearing innocence despite her living situation. Saoirse and her little sister, Kaz - who also worked for me, and was also one of my favourites - lived with their mother and father. If it was up to me, they wouldn’t.</p><p>Their mother was careless, had never wanted children and reminded Saoirse and Kaz of this frequently, but it was their father who was the real piece of work. If he wasn’t drinking, he was gambling or brawling, and if he was doing none of that he was beating his children. Saoirse, being older, usually took the brunt of this in a martyr-like attempt to protect Kaz. Multiple times, I’d threatened Hamlis, their father, on occasion even carrying through on my threats, fracturing a wrist here or cutting off a finger there, but if anything it made the situation worse.</p><p>I’d never killed a man before, but by gods, was it starting to look tempting.</p><p> </p><p>“Where is she?” I asked, rushing down the stairs and running my hands under the tap in the kitchen. The water wasn’t clean, but it was a start.</p><p>“In your pharmacy.” Nan replied, nodding towards the ground floor office. This was her nickname for the room, as I’d filled it with medical supplies I’d slowly collected through MPs and black market connections. Medical supplies weren’t easily come by these days.</p><p>I pushed through, stepping over kids, some napping, some nibbling at slightly bruised apples or slices of almost stale bread. Better than nothing.</p><p>When I entered the room I stopped dead. Kaz was knelt on the floor, a deep purple bruise on her forehead and dried blood around a cut on her puffed up lip. Her hand was gripping her sister’s, who was lying on the floor unconscious. Her arm was bent at a funny angle from the shoulder, dislocated most likely, and she seemed to be more bruise than body.</p><p>I set to work immediately. Pouring some vodka over my hands to sterilise them, I lifted Saoirse onto the desk and lay her there, so I could treat her injuries. Nan took care of Kaz, cleaning her cuts and finding a cold bottle of wine I’d left stuffed in the pantry to hold against the bruise on her head.</p><p>Saoirse cried out when I popped her shoulder back into place, and I almost cried out in relief just to be reminded that she was alive. It had never been this bad before.</p><p>“Boil me a kettle of water, Nan. I’m going to need to get some herbs down her.” I called out of the open office door before rushing to the shelves behind the desk to root through my collection of apothecary herbs to find the ones I needed to sooth Saoirse’s inevitable pain and hopefully improve her body’s general condition so it could fight her injuries better.</p><p>Nan came in with the water and stood patiently as I measured out and steeped the herbs into the hot water, pouring it into a chipped teacup.</p><p>Nan took it from me as I moved towards my patient. “Go. I’ll give this to her. You need to sort that man out.” She said, her usual soft tones replaced by a furious seething that I rarely saw. I nodded, jaw clenched. Kissing Kaz’s curls gently, I grabbed my hooded cloak and stormed out of my house.</p><p> </p><p>Hamlis would usually be in the bar from midday, but it was still early in the morning, meaning I was likely to find him at home. I barged through his front door without knocking and stood in the kitchen of the one bedroom apartment he lived in. His wife, Agatha was stood at the sink, a glass in her hand. She snarled at me as I entered.</p><p>“Fuck off, Agatha.” I growled. “Where is he?”</p><p>Agatha huffed, before motioning to the bedroom door. I bouldered through, finding Hamlis lying on the small bed, one hand draped lazily over his eyes. On the floor beside him was a single pillow, shared by Kaz and Saoirse when they slept on the cold wooden floor.</p><p>“What now, bitch? Here to take my other pinkie?” Hamlis scoffed. My hands found his collar and I dragged him off the bed so he crashed onto the floor. Immediately I incapacitated him, pinning him to the ground with his arms trapped by his side and my foot holding his leg at a painful angle.</p><p>“What did I tell you, Hamlis?” I said, trying very hard to keep my voice steady.</p><p>He hesitated, and I almost smiled. Clearly my unnervingly calm demeanour was getting under his skin.</p><p>“Leave the girls alone.” He mumbled.</p><p>I pushed his leg further and he yelled in pain. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you.” I retorted.</p><p>“You told me to leave them alone!” He screamed out. I laughed coldly.</p><p>“And did you listen?” I whispered in his ear, leaning over him threateningly.</p><p>He shook his head, too afraid to speak.</p><p>“I repeat other people’s words, Hamlis, not my own. Do you hear me?” I said, before continuing menacingly. “Maybe you need reminding.”</p><p>With that, I pushed the heel of my boot into his leg until I felt it snap beneath my foot, and Hamlis’ screams drowned out the snap of his fibula.</p><p>I stood, satisfied with my work. “Next time, you’re dead.”</p><p> </p><p>..........</p><p> </p><p>A week passed, and Saoirse returned home, her arm pretty much recovered aside from some slight stiffness. I was glad to see her smiling again, especially as I had some business to deal with above ground today, and couldn’t spend another day putting off my work to watch over her and Kaz.</p><p>I’d turn 16 tomorrow, and I was far too old to get away with my childhood game of eavesdropping without looking suspicious, which was why I left most of that basic groundwork to the kids on my payroll. However, I considered myself somewhat lucky that thanks to the darkness and malnutrition I’d faced Underground, I barely scraped five foot tall so I could still skirt about Mitras quite easily and go about more pressing business. This was helpful on days like today, when meeting up with one of my MP contacts and picking up some more medical supplies and food on the black market.</p><p> </p><p>My eyes ached as I emerged from an alleyway into the sunlight. I always forgot how bright the sun was until it was scorching my retinas again. Black cloak hood pulled over my (y/hc) hair, I slipped down some side streets until I arrived in front of a run down bar. Inside it was practically empty, and the barman recognised me immediately, nodding towards a clouded glass door to the back room where most my meetings took place. I flipped a coin in his direction as I pushed the door open and walked in.</p><p>“Ignat.” I smiled politely at the MP in front of me, his red hair brushed away from his face, and a stony expression on his face. “Is everything well?”</p><p>He grimaced. “You think I’d be here if it was, <em>Echo</em>?”. He barked out my nickname mockingly.</p><p>I scoffed lightly. “Always a charmer. How can I help?”</p><p>Ignat chewed the inside of his lip, clearly considering if he should go through with whatever he had planned. This was typical of him, desperate to act as though it was hard for him to betray his Corps like this, despite the fact this was practically a monthly occurrence.</p><p>“It’s Dok.” He said, and my smile dropped. I didn’t have enough money on me to pay for intel on the fucking commander of the MPs.</p><p>“What about him?” I replied, trying to put my mask back up and seem disinterested.</p><p>Ignat sighed. “He knows about you. What you do. He wants you gone.”</p><p>My stomach dropped. Was this a trap? I’d checked the area before I entered for any obvious spies or set ups and noticed none. Maybe I’d underestimated the MPs’ stealth?</p><p>“Dok offered me money to set you up, get you arrested. They’re going to pin the Ripper murders on you, and have you hung.” Ignat continued. He hadn’t named a price yet, and this worried me even more than the words tumbling out his mouth. No one gives intel without naming a price first.</p><p>“So, you’re distracting me here whilst MPs surround the area, is that it? You took the bribe?” I said, my voice wavering slightly as my hand wandered to my knife, tucked into my belt. Ignat noticed the movement of my hand and shook his head frantically.</p><p>“No. No, they don’t know I’m here, I swear. I took the money but only so I could get the plan. It’s happening tomorrow night. I’m meant to invite you to a deal. When you show, I’m meant to kill one of our guys and Dok’ll arrest you on the spot for the murder.” His voice raised in pitch with each word, and his hands were shaking. “I don’t want you to pay me, I just thought you should know. Look, I’ll even give you the money Dok gave me.”</p><p>I raised an eyebrow, and shook my head, nostrils flaring. “Why should I trust you? Why would you help me? You don’t even like me.”</p><p>Ignat looked at his hands, clenched to fists in his lap. “I joined the MPs to do some good. Framing people for murder isn’t what I want to do with my life. I can’t sit back and watch you die for something you didn’t do. You need to get out, kid.”</p><p>I laughed incredulously. Get out? And go where, exactly? To try and pass through Wall Sina would draw attention, so that was out of the question. I could hardly hide in Mitras with all the MPs bumbling about, and if Dok was desperate enough to kill one of his own men to get his hands on me, it couldn’t be long until he’s offering enough to turn someone like Kenny against me, then even the Underground wouldn’t be an option.</p><p>“Fuck!” I hissed frustratedly. I’d worked hard to get where I was and now - what, roll over and die? No way. I’d come too far for that.</p><p> </p><p>No, (y/n) (y/ln) was a girl with a plan.</p><p> </p><p>Nan kissed my cheek as I walked out my front door for the last time. I would be back for sure, but not to live. This wasn’t my home anymore. I’d given Nan the rundown of my plan, handing her the key to the safe of money I kept in the attic, and then told her to give any messages she needed passing to Kaz to give to Ignat, who would in turn get them to me. With that, and my small amount of belongings stuffed into an old satchel, I was gone.</p><p>I’d not been above ground at night for years - there was no need, when all my most interesting evenings were spent Underground. It almost felt odd to be able to see stars again. I used to know the constellations, but pointless pieces of information like that had long been pushed from my memory to make room for more important matters. I shook my head. I had bigger things to worry about tonight, like how to get to Helian’s.</p><p>I’d not returned since that day nearly 6 years prior, the memory of being berated in the study enough to scare me off, but desperate times call for desperate measures. And this was perhaps the most desperate attempt I’d ever made in my life.</p><p>The walls of the house were coated in ivy, which made scaling the wall even easier, and I swung myself up and through a second floor window. The hallway was empty, thankfully. I didn’t want to have to knock out any servants. Slipping down the darkened hall, I made my way to the study, where I hoped to find my man.</p><p> </p><p>“Who’s there? Ignat, is that you?” Lord Helian called out as I cracked the door open. So, Ignat had followed through on his promise then, getting Helian alone claiming to have something important to tell him.</p><p>“Ignat’s occupied. You’re going to be dealing with me, instead, <em>m’lord</em>.” I chuckled darkly, curtsying in a mocking manner. Helian squealed in terror.</p><p>“Who are you?” He whispered frantically, grabbing a letter opener from his desk and wielding it like a weapon. I laughed and lowered my hood. His eyes widened. “Yvette... No. Her child. I thought - I - You...”</p><p>“Thought I was dead? Well you did leave me to starve.” I growled, trying to stay level headed between my hatred for the man in front of me and my anxiety at being back in the room where the worst time of my life began. “I’m alive, <em>grandfather</em>, and I need you to do something for me.”</p><p>He scoffed nervously, trying to seem unafraid. “No. Go away. I sent you away once and I’ll do it again.”</p><p>I raised a brow. “Oh, will you? I wouldn’t, if you don’t want to die.” Immediately I disarmed him and pressed my dagger against his throat. “My gang are over your entire house, positioned outside the bedrooms of your sleeping family and servants. One sound from you, and you will all meet the same bloody fate. Am I understood?”</p><p>He hummed, terrified. I was working very hard to keep my breathing steady: if he realised I was lying I had nothing. Everything relied on him being gullible. It was stupidly risky, and I was never one for a gamble, but I had no other choice.</p><p>“Now, I’ve been offered a very large sum of money to assassinate you and your household. You’ve got some big enemies, Helian. However, it’s a crime worse than any other to kill one’s own family. What a predicament, wouldn’t you say?”</p><p>Helian hummed again, the vibration of his throat against my knife making it shake slightly.</p><p>“I mean, you left me for dead. Why shouldn’t I kill you?”</p><p>“I’ll give you anything! Please! Don’t hurt my family!” He yelped and I slammed my other hand over his throat, using my leg to restrain him.</p><p>“Hush. I thought I told you to stay quiet.” My heart was hammering, but no sound could be heard in the house, and I presumed I’d got lucky that time. “I’m going to offer you a deal. You double what I’ve been offered and I’ll let you live. That puts me in a bad spot Underground though, so I’ll need to skip town for a while. You’re going to sign my Military Enrolment forms and attach a letter addressing Commander Zackly and telling him I’m your bastard. I’ve been hidden in this house my whole life and therefore am entitled to join the military. Understood?”</p><p>Helian nodded as I moved my knife away from his throat, gripping his collar to stop him from running instead. I directed him to the desk and breathed over his shoulder as I watched him write exactly what I’d told him.</p><p>I didn’t want to join the Military. I hated the fucking military, but Ignat had assured me Dok had no idea what I looked like, and if I’m not Underground I can’t be drawn out. Nan would sooner die than betray me, and she was the only one who knew where I’d be. If it meant staying alive, so be it. Hell, on the bright side I could finally wake up to a sunrise again, right?</p><p>Ignat’s position was more tenuous. We’d faked a meeting that afternoon, where the other MPs heard him ask to meet me tomorrow, and another of my MP contacts was to be his alibi for the whole day. When I don’t show, Zackly will have no choice but to assume I sussed him out alone and cut ties with the MPs. Or at least I hope so, for Ignat’s sake.</p><p>“You want to use the Helian name, I presume?” He asked. I shook my head scoffing, and spat on his floor.</p><p>“Fuck no. Tell them you want my identity kept secret to save your honour. My name is (y/n) (y/ln), and I’ll be addressed as such.” I responded. Helian nodded, signing the letter and closing it with his seal. He handed it to me along with five bags of gold.</p><p>I shoved it the letter into my pocket, stuffing the money in my satchel and moved to the window.</p><p>”You tell anyone about this and my people will have your whole bloodline executed in a minute.” I said, then I was gone, leaving Helian gaping stupidly.</p><p> </p><p>As the morning sun crept up into the sky to welcome my sixteenth birthday, I approached the Military Sign Up desk in the square, waiting for opening time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Bad First Impressions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Say hello to Levi!<br/>I quite like the idea of just occasionally throwing his POV in there, but not too much, else you’ll know what he’s thinking when Y/N doesn’t which ruins all the fun.<br/>Hope you enjoy, kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>~ Three Years Later ~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>(Y/N POV)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I’d done it. I’d officially made it to graduation. I wasn’t top ten - considering my situation, I figured a low profile was best, and worked deliberately below my true ability level, particularly in hand to hand combat, running and agility, to keep me at a respectable 14th in my class. Enough to make me seem able, not too much to make me stand out.</p>
<p>I did a good enough job of that on my own.</p>
<p>Not only was I older than most my peers, at just-turned 19 compared to their 16-17 average, the Mitras accent that had always helped me out so much just made me stick out like a sore thumb here. Shadis, along with Zackly, were the only ones privy to my supposed parentage, but the accent meant that everyone had come to the conclusion I’d grown up privileged in the city. If I was too tired to complete a 40th lap of the training field it was because I’d never had to work a day in my life as a Mitras bitch; if I overslept by a second it was because I was a spoilt little Mitras shit. Even Shadis got in the occasional dig, though he was more careful, clearly afraid of the punishment if he accidentally revealed too much. It was obvious he didn’t recognise me.</p>
<p>I sure as hell recognised him. He had more hair last time we’d met, but the telltale forehead wrinkles gave him away. This man was Commander of the Scouts when my father was killed. This man had stood at my front door and watched my mother scream.</p>
<p>Whenever I saw him I had to clench every muscle in my body to stop myself from attacking him there and then. But now my time with him was done, and I was stood in the hall with the rest of my class, arms folded into a salute whilst the Commanders of the Scout, Garrison and Military Police regiments gave their speeches.</p>
<p>Seeing Dok made me seethe. He carried himself so smugly, a smirk perched in his dark goatee as he gloated to the top ten, inviting them to join the “Most Exclusive Regiment of Soldiers” - most exclusive regiment of shitheads more like, I thought with a grimace. That was another reason to skip out on the top ten: I didn’t have to worry about interacting with Dok. Even the appeal of the Garrison regiment faded because of him. I had no real choice, it was Scouts or nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I’d always hated the Scouts, I’d spent years cursing their stupid cloaks with the stupid wings and their stupid faces and stupid hopes of saving humanity like we can be saved from the real enemy - <em>ourselves</em>. Now I had no choice but to become one of them or risk being executed for a shit ton of murders I didn’t commit. Some choice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>To make matters worse, when Shadis introduced Erwin Smith, the Scout Commander, for his speech, I realised we’d already been introduced. The blond man stood with Shadis now had been stood with him that day in my village too. I bit my tongue to hold back on the impulse to spit at him.</p>
<p>I watched impatiently as my classmates began to move away, first to the MPs, then a large majority to the Garrison, until maybe 20 of us were left, if that. The idiots ready to give their lives up on a platter to feed our big pets outside the walls.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was going to be fun.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>(LEVI POV)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another year, another set of brats to initiate.</p>
<p>Eyebrows had gone to give his so-called inspirational speech to try and rally some of the idiots to the cause, like everyone doesn’t already know enrolment in the Scouts is basically a death sentence. Of last year’s 23 recruits, I think 6 are still alive.</p>
<p>I was sat on a chair in front of his desk, impatiently waiting for him to rock up and give me a run down of our Rookies. I hate his office. He doesn’t have it cleaned anywhere near often enough and I can see tiny molecules of dust scattered over every surface.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Fuck it, if he was going to take this long.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I found a duster discarded in the third drawer of his desk and got to work. It’s relaxing, the repetitive mind-numbing movement, and I like to know that the air I’m breathing is fresh, not full of dust. Nothing wrong with that. When you grew up like I did... Well, it’s natural.</p>
<p>Fucking <em>finally</em>, Eyebrows swooped into the room like an oversized bird, files tucked under his arm, and sat down at his desk, nodding to acknowledge my presence. I threw the duster at him as I sat opposite him.</p>
<p>“Levi.” He said greetingly.</p>
<p>“How many?” I asked. I haven’t got time for pleasantries, and Erwin knows it.</p>
<p>He put the files on his desk and I could see the pile was slimmer than last year.</p>
<p>“17. Not bad, we got 4 of the top ten this time.” He said, but I could tell the optimism in his voice was false. He knows we’re rapidly running out of manpower.</p>
<p>“And the rest?” I questioned pressingly.</p>
<p>Erwin gestured to the files.</p>
<p>“See for yourself.”</p>
<p>I opened them one by one. The top four folders are the best achieving - the ones who’d made top ten in their class. Not that that means much outside the walls; they all taste the same going down a Titan’s gullet, I guess. Next is number 12, some guy from Wall Rose, good on horseback, not so great with ODM gear, cause that’s fucking <em>great</em> in the Survey Corps.</p>
<p>The next file really pissed me off. (y/n) (y/ln), 19, a Mitras runt even shorter than I am according to her stats, and skills-wise average all round. She’ll be dead before she makes it 10 yards outside the walls.</p>
<p>I didn’t open anymore. I gave Erwin my best glare and got up to leave.</p>
<p>“Levi?” Eyebrows said, and I turned back to face him.</p>
<p>“What?” I responded drily.</p>
<p>Erwin’s massive eyebrows tugged together. “This (y/ln) girl. Zackly told me she’s Helian’s bastard. That’s classified information, but I feel you should know. Dismissed.”</p>
<p>Fucking brilliant. Not only a Mitras runt, but one who’s grown up in the fourth richest family in the city.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This was going to be fun.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>(Y/N POV)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arriving at the Scout barracks felt like a noose being loosened from my neck. I guess it kind of was. When I passed through Wall Sina into the Rose territory where Scout Headquarters is, I felt like the air tasted better. Freer.</p>
<p>We’d been taken to our rooms when we arrived, and told to settle in quick before meeting in the Mess Hall for dinner. I was glad to see I was sharing with the same girl I bunked with during training, Alys Drill. We got on well, often pairing for hand-to-hand, although I had to let her win most times to keep eyes off me. It helped her rise to 4th in our graduating class, the highest ranked Cadet to join the Scouts this year, and I was surprised she’d joined at all. She was intelligent and quiet, never asking too many questions or being too judgemental of my supposed upbringing in Mitras. She was Wall Rose herself, but fancied a taste of the outside world.</p>
<p>As we wandered over to the Mess Hall, I realised that from this vantage point on the hill, the sunset was magnificent. It reminded me of home, my real home, and I couldn’t help but smile.</p>
<p>“The fuck are you grinning at, brat?” Came a gruff voice across the path from where I was stood. Leaning against the trunk of a tree was a short man, with dark hair cropped into curtains. As he came closer I realised it was shaved underneath, and his eyes were steely and cold. Knowing he was some level of superior rank to me, I saluted.</p>
<p>“The sunset sir. It’s quite beautiful.” I said, trying to push the blush out of my cheeks. I was hardly presenting myself as a strong and worthy soldier, gushing over the sky.</p>
<p>Clearly he thought so too, giving a “Tsk, whatever. Get inside, runt.” and stalking past me into the Mess Hall.</p>
<p>I rolled my eyes, hoping that wasn’t a general consensus of the attitudes of all the Scouts to the Rookies. I’d dealt with enough dickheads like that Underground, I didn’t feel like doing it here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After we ate, Commander Smith gave some introductions. The man who’d addressed me outside was Captain Levi, and from the looks of awe-struck adoration he was getting from my fellow Rookies, I figured that’s a name I was supposed to recognise. I didn’t.</p>
<p>Next Commander Erwin named the person sat to his right as Section Commander Hange. Hange looked like they’d be more friendly than Levi, their hair stuck out from a ponytail at odd angles and a big goofy smile plastered on their face as they introduced their “second in command” Moblit, who went very red at being stared at by so many people. I liked him already.</p>
<p>Commander Smith then turned to another man, who he called Section Commander Miche. Miche seemed the stoic type in a good way, smiling politely and nodding, no further comment given.</p>
<p>Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I couldn’t sleep. I’d never been a big sleeper, even as a child, but what desire to rest I did have had been knocked out of me by the Underground, and nighttime just made me restless and agitated. There was only one small window in my dorm, and it looked out to the back wall of the Mess Hall, and a singular tree whose branches tapped against the thin pane of glass constantly, like a relentless door salesman.</p>
<p>Desperate to get some outside air, I cracked my door open, before deciding against that. My room was upstairs, and right at the far end of the hall from the stairs. I’d have to creep past every occupied room in the women’s barracks to get out, and I didn’t like my chances of not waking at least one person. I sighed heavily, glad that Alys was a heavy sleeper, so I could pad around in circles in my room without feeling conscious of waking her. It didn’t take long for my circling to make me claustrophobic, and now I needed to get out more than ever.</p>
<p>Say what you want about the Underground, at least there’s a lot of it, and you’re not locked up in a bedroom with a curfew.</p>
<p>There was only one thing for it. Grabbing a pair of shorts from under my bed and shimmying them up my hips under the large black top I wore to bed, I yanked the stiff window open and judged the strength of the tree branches. Good enough, I reckoned, thankful that years of being underfed had kept me short and therefore lighter than someone like Commander Erwin. I sat on the window ledge, legs dangling dangerously, and pushed off the wall, leaping into the tree.</p>
<p>The branch swayed as I clung to it, but settled quickly, so I was able to swiftly climb to the ground, and wander out towards the training fields. They were vast and south facing, leading down into the valley and unobstructed by buildings, so they had a brilliant view of the sky and the woods where we’d been informed training also took place sometimes. I didn’t go in, instead stopping outside the front of the Mess Hall and swinging up into the tree Captain Levi had been leant against earlier.</p>
<p>Precariously and incautiously, I clambered up and up until I found a decent fork in the branches I could sit in where the leaves were thin enough I could see the stars. Sighing contentedly, I felt a soft breeze dip in and out of my loose (y/hc) braid, which hung limply to my waist. Goosebumps prickled up my bare arms and legs, making the hair stand on end, and I shivered for a moment.</p>
<p>It truly was beautiful up here, and I wished I could still remember the names of the stars. It’d been my father who taught them to me, and in forgetting their names entirely, I felt as though I’d somehow betrayed him. I shook off the thought. My father was dead. Dead men can’t be betrayed.</p>
<p>Beneath me, I heard the distinct sound of boots on a gravel path and froze. Shit. I held my baited breath, trying to silently peer around to figure out where the person was and how best to hide. If I was lucky, they wouldn’t see me at all and I could sneak back to my room unnoticed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clearly today was not my lucky day.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oi, brat. I can see you. Get down.” Came the harsh tones of one Captain Levi. Fucking perfect.</p>
<p>As fast as I could, not wanting to piss him off any further, I hurled myself out of the tree, quite proud that at the speed I’d descended at I still managed to land on my feet. Captain Levi didn’t share in my pride, offering me one of the dirtiest scowls I’ve ever encountered as I pull my hands into a salute.</p>
<p>“The hell do you think you’re doing, Rookie?” He grumbled, eyes narrowed. “Commander Erwin explicitly stated there was a curfew, yet here you are.”</p>
<p>I looked at my feet, trying to look sheepish in the hopes he’d take it for a... well, Rookie error.</p>
<p>“Are you dumb as well as deaf? Huh, runt? Or did you think the rules didn’t apply to the<em> upper classes</em>?” He sneered. Shadis or Zackly had told him who they believed I was then. Or Erwin, I suppose. Whoever it was, I silently cursed them as my (y/ec) eyes met the Captain’s grey ones.</p>
<p>“I’m very sorry, Sir. I had a nightmare. It won’t happen again.” I said quickly. It wasn’t true, but I was trying to appease to his better nature.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My mistake - he doesn’t have one.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do I look like I fucking care? Next time you can’t sleep, stay in your room.” Captain Levi said crossly, grabbing me by the collar and dragging me back towards the barracks.</p>
<p>We stopped outside the door, and I realised I’d not explained that I hadn’t come out that way.</p>
<p>“In you go, runt. If I hear you’ve woken anyone, I’ll up you from one month’s office cleaning to two.” His voice was gruff, and he sounded almost bored dishing out his punishment. “You’ll report to my office at 7am sharp, and I’ll never see you out after curfew again. Understood?”</p>
<p>“Yes, Sir.” I whispered, not daring to look him in the eye in case he took it as confrontation. I knew men like him, simply looking for a reason to be angry. I refused to give him the satisfaction.</p>
<p>Captain Levi watched as I crept back into the barracks, and I felt his icy glower follow me all the way up the stairs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Bitch.” I muttered to myself as I flopped down onto my still-made bed and lay there, staring at the blank ceiling, images of the Captain’s grumpy little face burning onto it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Morning After</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>More grumpy Levi here, and some cute lil Moblit moments. Don’t worry, this IS a Levi x OC, I just also have an undying love for Moblit so....<br/>Probably going to drop to uploading once a day so I can keep my writing a few chapters ahead of my posting in case of busy days where I can’t write.<br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I woke with the sun at the crack of dawn, the clock beside my bed reading 6:40. Good, I wasn’t late. That had to count for something, right?</p>
<p>Slowly, achingly, I dragged myself out of my little bed and went to the drawers, tugging out my neatly folded and uniform and putting it on carefully, as not to crease it. I was a stickler for presenting myself well, the remnants of my mother’s Mitras upbringing meaning she instilled that into me from birth. I got the feeling Captain Levi wouldn’t appreciate me rocking up dressed in a creased, dirty uniform either. I tugged my hair up into a ponytail, my fingers too numb with exhaustion to try and braid it.</p>
<p>Quietly, as I wasn’t sure who would and wouldn’t be awake at this time, I tiptoed out of the barracks and towards the Mess Hall. It struck me then that I actually had no idea how to get to Captain Levi’s office, and I had ten minutes to figure it out. Had that been his plan? Trick me into further punishment out of spite? That little shit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Across the path, I saw the man Hange had introduced the night before - Moblit, I’m sure that’s what he was called. He had a kind face, with light brown hair tousled over his head, and he waved politely as I approached.</p>
<p>“You OK, Rookie?” He asked. “Sorry, I don’t know your name.”</p>
<p>I stuck out my hand. “(y/n) (y/ln). Pleasure.”</p>
<p>“Moblit Berner. I think I remember seeing you in the Mess Hall last night, with a... don’t tell me, it was a blonde girl, right?”</p>
<p>I laughed, nodding. “Yeah, that’s Alys. Keep an eye on her, she’s incredible.”</p>
<p>Moblit chuckled, and moved towards the Mess Hall.</p>
<p>“Coming in? You can sit with Hange and I if you like, I’m sure Hange would love some fresh meat to explain their wild ideas to.” He said with a laugh, and I smiled, tempted to ignore my punishment and go with him. My better judgement took hold at the last minute and I shook my head.</p>
<p>“I’d love to, truly, but I’m actually supposed to report to Captain Levi in...” I grabbed Moblit’s wrist and looked at the leather watch he wore. “4 minutes. He caught me out after curfew.”</p>
<p>Moblit smirked. “Ah, a rebellious one. Quick tip, (y/ln), if you’re going to break curfew, don’t let Levi catch you. He’s harsh on rulebreakers, especially Rookies.”</p>
<p>I grimaced sarcastically. “I’d noticed. A month’s office cleaning duty. Trouble is, I have absolutely no clue where his office is.”</p>
<p>Humming knowingly, Moblit motioned for me to follow him as he led me down a path I’d not even noticed to a building we’d never been shown, tucked away behind the equipment sheds. There was no way that cocky bastard of a Captain had done this by accident. He wanted to get me in trouble. I held back a growl.</p>
<p>“The higher ranks all have quarters and offices here.” Moblit murmured next to me, I assume not wanting to get caught helping me out and ruining the Captain’s games. “Levi is upstairs, third floor, second door on the left. Good luck, (y/ln). Maybe I’ll see you later.”</p>
<p>I gave him a sheepish grin and he wandered off back towards the Mess Hall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My knock was sharp on the Captain’s door, and barely a second later I heard his grim tones.</p>
<p>“It’s open. Enter.”</p>
<p>I pushed the wooden door open, closing it behind me and approaching the desk where he sat, standing to attention in front of it with a salute.</p>
<p>“You know why you’re here?” He said, and it seemed more of a statement than a question, but when he didn’t continue, I answered.</p>
<p>“I broke curfew, sir.” I replied, staring at the wall straight above his head.</p>
<p>He laughed coldly. “That’s right. The Mitras bitch thought she was above the rules.” As he spoke, I felt heat rise to my cheeks in indignation. Before I could open my mouth and say something I’d regret, he continued. “She was wrong.”</p>
<p>He stood from his leather chair and walked to the front of his desk, so he was stood directly in front of me. I was used to people being considerably taller than me due to my malnourished stature, but somehow despite only having a couple of inches on me, Captain Levi managed to seem more intimidating to square up to than most the thugs I’d dealt with Underground.</p>
<p>Iron-coloured eyes sized me up and down, stopping on my right fist, still clenched in a salute.</p>
<p>“What happened there? Cut yourself on an embroidery needle?” He scoffed, referencing to a deep scar that ran from the knuckle of my middle finger down the back of my hand, ending at my wrist.</p>
<p>Actually, I’d got it at 12, when I decided I needed to be better prepared to protect myself. I’d passed information to enough gangs to be able to bribe a violent thug who went only by Laika for fighting lessons, and after learning hand to hand, he taught me to spin, throw and fight with knives. I was actually pretty good, thanks to my speed and agility. However, news travelled disturbingly fast Underground, even when I wasn’t passing it, and a few months into my training, Kenny Ackerman heard a false rumour that Laika was trying to enlist my workforce for himself as a secret army.</p>
<p>One Wednesday afternoon whilst Laika and I were practicing, Kenny waltzed in and challenged me to a fight. I’d worked with him a few times, and knew well enough that if I lost his respect, it was back to starving in a gutter for me. I accepted. I took a lot of injuries that day, and learnt that sometimes you’ve got no choice but to fight dirty. Kenny never challenged me again after I shoved his face into the mud, my knife to his throat and my legs straddling his back, holding him down. It wasn’t a flat out victory: in the process, Kenny nearly ripped out the tendons of my right hand. That scar was a lesson, and one I would never let myself forget.</p>
<p>“Got it helping in the kitchens of Lord Helian’s house, actually.” I stated, the same story I’d told to any of my peers who’d asked during training, although obviously omitting whose kitchen. It seemed to help quell their distaste for my Mitras heritage if they thought I was a servant of some description. I’d hoped it might have a similar effect on the Captain, but I was mistaken.</p>
<p>He “Tsk”ed at me, walking back around his desk and a sitting down, a look of pure disgust still stamped onto his sharp features.</p>
<p>“You’ll be cleaning this office and Commander Erwin’s office every morning, and the offices of Section Commanders Hange and Miche after training but before dinner each evening for the next month. Supplies are in the closet at the end of the hallway. Get on with it.” Captain Levi snarled, standing once more and making to leave his office. As he reached the door, he turned to me.</p>
<p>“Training starts at 9, so if you want to eat before that, you’d better be quick.”</p>
<p>With that he was out of the door, and as he left I saw a satisfied smirk plastered onto his lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It could have been worse. At least cleaning was the kind of menial task I quite enjoyed. Underground I didn’t have time for such things, which was why I payed Nan to do it for me, but, my attic was where I kept all my most confidential bribery feeds, ledgers and money, so even Nan knew it was out of bounds. Dusting it once a day was how I usually bored myself to sleep, the repetitive circles of my arm dusting surfaces becoming as easy to me as breathing and giving me time to think over more pressing matters.</p>
<p>I had both offices done by 8:45, and I rushed the cleaning supplies back into the closet and sprinted to the Mess Hall to try and satisfy my protesting stomach before training. As I fell through the doors, I spotted Moblit and waved. He smiled and beckoned me over, so I grabbed an apple and made my way over.</p>
<p>Regret dropped into my stomach like a pebble in a puddle as I neared, realising Moblit and Hange were not dining alone. Slouched (or maybe not even slouched, just sort of tucked behind due to his small frame) next to Hange was Captain Levi, who glared at me as I sat down next to Moblit.</p>
<p>Moblit was either oblivious or pretending not to notice. “Hange, this is Private (y/n) (y/ln), she joined us yesterday. I think she’d be really interested in your study.”</p>
<p>Hange gave me a manic smile, which I tried to politely return, slightly freaked out by Hange’s almost psychotic excitement. Before they could say anything, though, the Captain interjected.</p>
<p>“It’s a shame the brat’s too fucking dumb to understand it then.” He muttered, and Hange slapped him arm reprovingly. Captain Levi’s eyes bore into them. “What? It’s true. Brat can’t even follow simple instructions like ‘Don’t leave your room after curfew’. Isn’t that right, runt?”</p>
<p>He turned on me then, and this time I met his stare, my chin raised slightly. I wouldn’t be embarrassed in front of these people who were my superiors. I wouldn’t let them see me as a pushover.</p>
<p>“Well, as you’ve reminded me so many times since, I’m sure I won’t forget again.” I said appeasingly, before realising that the Captain’s ego didn’t need massaging by me trying to diffuse a situation he started. “Or maybe you could waste your breath just once more and tell me yet again.”</p>
<p>Moblit’s eyes widened as a tense silence passed over the table. It was broken by Hange squealing excitedly.</p>
<p>“Oh, I like this one, Moblit! Can we have her with us?” Hange laughed jovially, as Levi glowered, slamming his hands on the table, standing and leaving.</p>
<p>Moblit leaned closer to me and whispered in my ear. “That took balls, kid.” As he moved back, I saw an impressed look in his hazel eyes. I smiled.</p>
<p>“I should get going. Don’t want to be late on my first day.” I said, and rose from the bench, excusing myself and leaving the Mess Hall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I’d barely registered the sun in the sky before my vision blackened when a fist collided with my right eye. Not expecting it, I was caught entirely off guard and fell to the floor. Quickly recovering, I looked up to identify my attacker as none other than Captain Levi, who was stood over me, his arms folded and his face void of emotion.</p>
<p>“That’s for talking back to a superior officer. If my office isn’t spotless, there’ll be more where that came from.” He stepped back, realising some of the other Rookies were watching, not used to this sort of behaviour. “Get to training Privates! Nothing to see here.” The Captain’s shout was enough to send them all scurrying to the training fields. With a last nonchalant glance at me, Captain Levi stalked off in the direction of his office, leaving me to dust myself off and get to training, a grass stain marking the left hip of my white trousers.</p>
<p>When I got there, Commander Erwin had already begun talking, so I slipped quietly through the crowd trying to find Alys, all too aware of the throbbing bruise forming under my eyebrow, courtesy of the Captain. The little bitch had a decent right hook, I’d give him that. I saw Alys’ white-blonde bob and shuffled along the rows until I stood beside her, keeping my head down.</p>
<p>“What happened to your face?” She asked, as we were dismissed to go and get fitted for new ODM gear, our own officially for the first time, instead of the shared stuff we used in training.</p>
<p>I shrugged, not willing to discuss this with her around so many people. Having literally made a living listening in to other people’s conversations, I was rather paranoid of being overheard myself.</p>
<p>Alys sighed. “I see. Well, try not to start too many fights with our superiors, eh?” She chuckled quietly, nudging me with her elbow. I stared up at her, confused.</p>
<p>“Oh, come on.” Her voice was soft, but her tinkling laugh carried, and a few inquisitive heads turned to look at us, rapidly flipping away when I glared them down. Alys continued, quieter. “News travels fast, (y/n). Apparently, Captain Levi is not your biggest fan.”</p>
<p>“That’s an understatement.” I muttered, helping her attach her gas canisters.</p>
<p>She sighed again, and I almost felt bad, like I’d disappointed her.</p>
<p>“(y/n), this is a beginning, OK? You can be who you want and people here will just accept it. You joined the Scouts, for Walls sake!” Alys exclaimed exasperatedly. I raised an eyebrow, not following. She grabbed me by the chin, locking her eyes with mine. “Mitras is your past. If you’d only joined the Military for an easy life, you’d be in the MPs, or the Garrison. But you aren’t, you’re here. All Scouts are equal, that’s what Commander Erwin said.”</p>
<p>I scoffed, pulling my face from her warm hands. “Yeah, everyone’s equal when they’re a corpse, Alys.”</p>
<p>Her dainty features tugged downwards into a frown, and her green eyes clouded over. Immediately I felt awful, and pulled her hands into mine.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m being a bitch. You’re right. I should apologise to the Captain and use this as a fresh opportunity.” I said, hoping I sounded more convinced than I felt. “And as for the corpses thing, I mean the rest of them. Not us. We look out for each other, huh?”</p>
<p>Suddenly I was engulfed in her strong grip. I’d never been a hugger, not since my mother died; it made me feel vulnerable, trapped. But Alys was different.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I didn’t owe Alys any more than she owed me, and if I did, we never questioned if the playing field was level. We argued, but she never moved to hurt me, physically or verbally. I tried my best to hold my sharp tongue when I was angry at the world, because I liked her too much to take it out on her. I’d not trusted someone in a long time, but at that moment, my head tucked against her neck, I felt the drawbridge to my closed up walls begin to drop.</p>
<p>With Alys, for the first time, I had a friend.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Clean</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Lil tidbit of Levi POV here for yall who want some insight into his head through all of this.... do with that what you will ;)<br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Y/N POV)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was a small crack in the wall behind Captain Levi’s head when he sat at his desk. It was 5, maybe 6 centimetres long, and looked like a backwards letter ‘s’. I’d know, I spent the last few minutes staring at it, arms clenched in a salute, blisters burning in my boots, while he sat in his big leather chair watching me wordlessly. He looked small in the chair, like maybe he was compensating for something. I bit back a smirk.</p>
<p>“Not bad, brat. I’ve seen worse.” He said, referring to my cleaning efforts. I’d finished in Hange’s office with a half hour of dinner left, so I was able to eat with Alys and a few others from our graduating class. “If we’re talking about the dusting that is. What the <em>fuck</em> did you do to the windows?”</p>
<p>Not moving my head, I took a quick glance at them in my peripheral vision. He had a point. They were a bit smeary and smudged - but how was I to know what to clean a window with? Underground, the windows were so smothered with dirt it seemed a pointless task to clean them, and anyway, if you blacked your windows with grime, you didn’t have to buy curtains to get away from peeping toms. Win-win.</p>
<p>“Oi, brat. That wasn’t a rhetorical question. Did you think it’d be funny to leave the offices so fucking dirty? Huh?” The Captain barked. He was massively overreacting; aside from the small marks on the windows, the offices were pristine.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, sir. I -” I paused, really not wanting to admit my failure to him. It felt far too much like letting him win, but the look on his face made it clear he wasn’t letting this go, so I continued under my breath. “I don’t know how to clean a window, sir.”</p>
<p>He laughed bitterly, standing up and leaning his hands on his desk. “I can’t hear you, Private.”</p>
<p>Inwardly, I cursed at him. He heard me loud and clear, he just wanted to humiliate me. Jaw clenched, I took a deep breath through my nose to calm my anger. “I used water but it just made them like... Well, like that.”</p>
<p>I looked into his eyes now, to see he wasn’t even mocking me anymore. His brows were drawn together, a small crease forming between them as his gaze moved from one of my eyes to the other and back again. Did he think I was taking the piss? Either way, he recovered quickly, huffing and storming out of the office, muttering something about ‘dumb Mitras brat’ who ‘can’t even clean a damned window’. He returned moments later, a bottle of liquid in one hand, and a cloth in the other. He strutted past me to the window, and beckoned me over.</p>
<p>“This is a solution of water and vinegar. This is a cloth. You put the solution on the cloth, then you wipe the window in long strokes. That way it doesn’t get all streaked. At the end of each stroke any dirt is wiped away and disposed of.” He said, over enunciating like I was a toddler and demonstrating each step as he spoke. “Got it, runt?”</p>
<p>I nodded, a furious blush taking over my face at being treated like such a child. It wasn’t my fault no one had taught me shit like this. He shoved the cloth and bottle at me and observed closely as I cleaned the next window, this time leaving no marks behind. He gave a single nod.</p>
<p>“Better. Now go do the rest, properly this time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Curfew was minutes away by the time I looped back to Hange’s office to do the last of the windows. As I wiped up and down the final pane of glass, I heard the door behind me as who I assumed was Hange came in.</p>
<p>“This is the last one then I’ll be out of your hair, Section Commander -”</p>
<p>“Hange’ll be up later, they’re still in the lab.” Said a voice that certainly was not Hange. I turned and smiled to see Moblit leaning against the doorframe. “I’m just dropping some papers off before I go to bed. Need any help?”</p>
<p>I shook my head. “Thanks, but I’m done now anyway. Reckon I can sneak a shower before curfew?” I said, screwing the cap back onto the vinegar solution and squeezing the cloth out.</p>
<p>My desire to shower was an odd one to me still - Underground I was lucky to wash maybe three or four times a year, yet since joining the Military, it’d become one of my favourite activities. The feeling of water as it glided down my skin, burning off the sweaty reminder of the day’s activities, was tranquil, and it seemed to loosen me up all through my muscles.</p>
<p>Moblit looked at his watch and cocked his head in thought. “Depends how quick you are. You’ve got three minutes.”</p>
<p>I groaned inwardly. “I guess not, then.”</p>
<p>Pushing away from the window, I gave Moblit a half-smile as I walked past him through the door. Before I could pass him by completely, his hand was wrapped round my wrist, holding me in place. He put his face against the side of my head, his breath twining through my hair.</p>
<p>“Go have your shower.” He whispered conspiratorially in my ear. “I’ll stay here and keep Levi distracted with Hange’s latest findings.”</p>
<p>I flashed a grin at him as he took the cleaning supplies from my hand and shoved me in the direction of my barracks.</p>
<p>As speedily as I could, I dashed into my room, grabbing my sleep shirt and a towel, telling Alys I’d explain later, and sprinted to the washrooms. I didn’t even leave time for the water to warm up, just dived straight in, biting back a yelp as freezing cold water splashed against my bare skin. It soon got hot, the steam dancing around my soapy hair and body, and I felt my body de-tense, cleansed of both dirt and stress. For the first time since I’d arrived at the Scout base, I was truly relaxed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thank gods for Moblit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>(LEVI POV)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I’d just finished all my paperwork for the evening, and was about to go do my rounds of the barracks when Hange’s guy invited himself into my office to show me their latest research. To begin with, I figured they’d finally come to some big discovery that might help us bring down the Titans, but when it became obvious this wasn’t the case I started to question what his angle was. He was yawning every other word, and was clearly exhausted, so why he wouldn’t just piss off to bed and tell me over breakfast, I didn’t know. What I was very aware of was that this was suspicious as fuck.</p>
<p>“Moblit, can we finish this in the morning? Staring at all of Shitty Glasses scrawling is making my eyes hurt.” I said. It was true, to be fair, Hange’s handwriting was awful.</p>
<p>Moblit looked nervous. “Uh, sure. Sure.” He cleared his throat. “There’s actually something I’ve been meaning to ask you, though. Permission to speak freely?”</p>
<p><em>Here</em> we go. That makes more sense. I nodded, motioning with my hand for him to go on. He said nothing, his eyes looking literally everywhere except my face.</p>
<p>“The thing is, uh, I’ve been really wanting to talk to you about, um,” he paused again and I sighed frustratedly.</p>
<p>“Spit it out, Moblit. I haven’t got all night.” I muttered, pressing my fingers into my temples. Moblit’s eyes stopped on the book shut on the table next to my sofa.</p>
<p>“The Medical Case Studies of Dr Frido Atwol.” Moblit blurted, reciting the title of the book. “It’s, uh, an interesting read, don't you think?”</p>
<p>I raised my eyebrows. “You’ve been meaning to talk to me about a book I’ve not <em>started</em> yet?” I drawled, unconvinced, but too tired to argue with him. “Get out, Moblit. Go to bed.”</p>
<p>Moblit mumbled some apology and left awkwardly. Now to find out why he was trying to keep me occupied. I know he’s got quite pally with the Mitras runt, (y/ln), seeing as he invited her to breakfast with us this morning. If she’s out after curfew again she’s dead meat.</p>
<p>I wandered over to my window and stared out into the night. From here, I had a pretty good view of most the base, as this was the only building with a third floor. It was because of that that I was able to catch a glimpse of (y/ln) sprinting from the shower blocks back to the women’s barracks. She was only wearing a large t shirt, her legs exposed to the night air, and her wet hair was flung over her shoulder, framing her pink-tinged cheeks.</p>
<p>I put my hand against the window frame and watched her run past. It’d been too long since I’d seen a woman dressed down. No, <em>fuck</em>, I’m not doing this.</p>
<p>I walked backwards away from the window, sitting on my sofa and removing my boots so I could flick my legs up onto it and read my book. Maybe Moblit was right, maybe it was a good read. Anything to distract me from the disgusting thought of bedding a Mitras brat, like I’d stoop that low. I fucking hate anything that lives and breathes in Mitras and she’s no exception.</p>
<p>My breath was unsteady and I couldn’t concentrate on the damn words. I didn’t find her attractive; she was obnoxious and rude, and she was always whispering with that Drill girl, who admittedly was the more talented and better looking of the two.</p>
<p>The only reason she’d got this reaction is because I wanted to know what it’s like to strip a Mitras girl and degrade her with the unwashable stench of the Underground. It’s a power thing. That’s all. I don’t find her attractive.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Screw you, Moblit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>(Y/N POV)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The rest of the month passed uneventfully. I finished my office cleaning duty, painfully aware of how Captain Levi’s eyes bore into the back of my skull whenever I was in his office. He rarely let me in there alone. It was weird, for a man who clearly had so much to do, why he chose to spend the first 45 minutes of his morning watching me clean his office instead of getting breakfast or conferring with the other Officers. I didn’t know, and didn’t dare ask. I felt like a misbehaving child, and I hated it. I’d stopped being a child at 10, and it was a regression I didn’t welcome.</p>
<p>I was finding myself missing the Underground more and more. During my training, we’d been given an afternoon off each week, which I’d always spend bulk buying food with the small salary we got and taking it down to Nan to distribute. Now, I only got one day a month, and I was missing Saoirse and Kaz. They really were like my little sisters, and it still felt wrong every time I came back up and left them to fend for themselves. I had to constantly remind myself that all of this was for them. So long as I was alive, they had food and shelter and protection. They, along with all the other children I worked with, were safe.</p>
<p>The one redeeming factor of life up here were my new friends, like Alys. It was strange to have friends who I didn’t have to talk down to as children, but treat as equals. I think it’s why Alys and I got on so well: she liked the fact I wanted to protect her. I couldn’t fight her enemies for her, as that would raise questions about my abilities, but it was suspicious how anytime someone said something to upset her, they’d wake up the next day with their eyebrows missing, or wet mud lining the soles of their boots. It was nice to know I still had my stealth.</p>
<p>Then there was Moblit. Since the night he’d covered for me with the Captain, we’d spent more time together, chatting over meals or training together. He was helping me a lot with my horseback riding - I had good enough balance, but I just couldn’t get the hang of making the darn beast go where I wanted it to. Sometimes we’d keep trying until I was flat on my back, thrown off for what felt like the millionth time, and Moblit would come over laughing his head off to help me up and check me over for injuries. I very much enjoyed his company.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, Captain Levi seemed to have picked up on this, and took every opportunity to make me feel uncomfortable about it. For instance, today. My last day cleaning his office, and it was like he was baiting me to snap at him just so he could put me back into punishment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oi, brat, what’re you doing with your day off?” He asked, sounding almost genuinely interested. I shrugged noncommittally. It’s hardly like I could tell him my real plans. He didn’t like that. “Taking Moblit home to meet <em>Daddy</em>, perhaps? Have some afternoon tea on the dais and all get to know each other, hey brat?”</p>
<p>He chuckled harshly then, and I sighed.</p>
<p>“I don’t know what Moblit’s plans are, Sir.” I said.</p>
<p>“I asked what yours were.” He walked towards me as he spoke. Even after knowing him a month, he still intimidated me somewhat. He shouldn’t, as I’d dealt with so much worse, yet the knowledge that I couldn’t strike back without risking not just myself, but everyone I had to protect Underground, made being in a room with him particularly challenging.</p>
<p>Keeping my eyes glued to my hand, dusting a bookshelf, I spoke quietly. “I’ll probably go to Mitras.”</p>
<p>I’d barely finished my sentence when his knee collided with my stomach, winding me slightly. This was normal too. The Captain appeared to take great enjoyment from hitting, kneeing, elbowing, shoving me at every opportunity. Anytime he took offence to something I said, however small or inoffensive it was to begin with, he’d punctuate his distaste with a beating.</p>
<p>“I hope you have a <em>wonderful</em> time.” He spat sarcastically through gritted teeth.</p>
<p>Two could play at this game. I’d noticed he hit harder every time Mitras was brought up, so I’d deduced he saw my so-called birthright as a weakness, like he believed I was only here to hide Helian’s shame.</p>
<p>I stood up straight again and met his eyes. “What about you, sir? Will you go home?” I asked, keeping my tone light and conversational, as though he hadn’t just slammed the air from my lungs with his bony knee.</p>
<p>His stony gaze hardened further. “I don’t see the point. Now, if you’re finished, get out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I didn’t need to be told twice. I scuttled out of his office, noticing how he slumped slightly in his chair once he thought I was out of sight. Maybe I wasn’t the only one with a past out to haunt me.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Family Ties</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A little more Levi POV here. Might limit the Levi POV as I find it ruins all the fun of a fanfic... after all this is a Y/N insert, and if Y/N doesn’t know Levi’s thoughts, then neither should we!!<br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Y/N POV)</p><p> </p><p>Mitras wasn’t a nice place to be on a Sunday. Market day - when rations were distributed to the poor and the rich could buy as much extra as they could afford to bid on. It pissed me off, knowing the lords and ladies here were gorging themselves whilst kids like Saoirse and Kaz starved below them. To make matters worse, I now had to contend with knowing I was being followed as well.</p><p>Living in a world where every move carries possibly lethal danger, I’d say it’s fair to call me observant, and I know when I’m being watched like a sixth sense. It’s a useful one to have, and made it easier for me to avoid the prying eyes of MPs as I went about my... <em>business</em>, in the past. It makes my muscles twitch and the hairs on my neck stand up - it’s uncomfortable, and I’d been trying to shake this particular stalker for the last hour, to no avail.</p><p> </p><p>Turns out Captain Levi was a pretty good tracker.</p><p> </p><p>I’d noticed him at his window as I left the base that morning, his steely eyes boring into my skull, but tried to pretend that I hadn’t. I was joking and shoving with Alys and Moblit, both of whom were returning to their respective hometowns today (quite lucky, really, as it reduced the number of tails to get off my back before I could go Underground unnoticed), but in the corner of my eye I saw the Captain swiftly move away from the window and appear downstairs at the door to the office block, faking casuality as if idly wandering the base.</p><p>I wasn’t fooled. As I boarded a ferry boat to Mitras, I knew he’d got on it too. To begin with, I’d optimistically hoped he just had business in the city too: after all, surely that’s a pretty common thing for the man I now knew to be the so-called ‘<em>Humanity’s Strongest</em>’? However, my hopes were dashed when, upon arrival in Mitras, he didn’t scuttle off to the governmental buildings, instead opting to glare at me from afar.</p><p>I put my hood up, thinking if I blended in he’d struggle to find me in a crowd, but his piercing eyes clearly did not deceive him. When I took a right or a left, so did he, always keeping far enough behind me that if I wasn’t attuned to paranoia I wouldn’t have even noticed him. I stuck to busier parts of the city, trying to shake him. I couldn’t let him see me haggling with merchants for food parcels, and I most definitely couldn’t let him see me go Underground. But time was running out; by midday most the food would be sold, and if I didn’t shake him soon I’d risk missing curfew just to get enough time to discuss if Nan needs anything.</p><p>So deep in thought about how to get rid of the little bitch stalking me, I didn’t notice the person coming out of a small shop until I’d walked straight into them.</p><p>“Sorry, my bad.” I muttered politely, and walked on, but a hand grabbed my wrist.</p><p>“That you, kid?” came the sweet relief of Ignat’s voice. I pushed my hood back and grinned at him. Painfully aware that Captain Levi was still spying, I pulled Ignat into a hug.</p><p>“I’m being followed. Come to the bar with me.” I whispered in his ear. Ignat nodded, taking my hand and walking me through the busy streets towards a more high-end bar than the one we usually frequented. I smiled. There was no way the Captain would follow us in here, it would be too obvious. I could almost feel the intrigue radiating off him as he saw my small hand hidden inside Ignat’s and bit back a laugh. Let the little shit think I’m dating an MP.</p><p> </p><p>We found a little wooden table and perched ourselves on stools, and Ignat flagged over the barman, passing him some pieces of silver. The man scuttled off and came back quickly with two flagons of ale.</p><p>“Being an MP has its perks, you know.” He said conversationally, wiping the froth from his moustache after taking a long gulp. “These guys are all so worried we’ll shut them down for getting most their stock on the Black Market, they serve us half price.”</p><p>I chuckled. “Maybe I should reconsider my options.”</p><p>Ignat’s face darkened, and he leaned closer in so we could talk without being overheard. The bar was busy and bustling, and most the patrons were incredibly drunk already, so I wasn’t too worried about being overheard.</p><p>“Who was your stalker?” Ignat asked.</p><p>“Captain Levi. He doesn’t trust me, thinks I’m a stuck up Mitras bitch.” I grimaced. I too hated the types who lived here, basking in their riches whilst everyone else suffered miserably, but now my life depended on being tarred with the same brush. “I need to get away from him. Nan relies on me to get the food to her; there’s only so much an old woman can get Underground.”</p><p>Ignat nodded seriously. “I was actually hoping to see you. Kaz delivered a message yesterday. The medical supplies are low, they’re hoping you can source some.”</p><p>Great. Another thing to add to the list.</p><p>“I’ll sort it.” I said. “Just get me out of here unnoticed.”</p><p>We finished our drinks and Ignat whistled to get the barman’s attention. Then, he whispered something in the man’s ear, discreetly slipping several gold pieces into his pocket. The hobbling old barman nodded vigorously and beckoned for me to follow him into a back room behind the bar. He bent over stiffly, pushing a rug off the floor and revealing a wooden trap door.</p><p>“This leads Underground. It’s how my suppliers bring in stock.” He said hoarsely, and lifted the door for me.</p><p>“Thank you.” I whispered and clambered through, propelling myself down some bent ladder rungs into a back alley of the Underground.</p><p>Taking a moment to get my bearings, I scaled the side of the nearest building and glanced about for any discernible features that might inform me as to where precisely I was. Aha! Three winding streets away, I could see the neon sign for Quazi’s, a brothel many of my clients spent a lot of time in. There was a bright red sign lit by oil lamps, and I’d often used it as a sort of compass. It didn’t take me long after that to make my way to my destination.</p><p>Thanks to the little prick following me, there was no way I’d be getting my hands on any food parcels in Mitras now, so my only option was going to be the Black Market that operated from a series of warehouses in the South East side of the Underground. Prices were extortionate, the quality was shit, and I avoided the place as much as possible. Tugging the hood of my cloak further around my face, I gave silent thanks that I’d worn trousers today and not a skirt as Alys had suggested. I needed to be prepared for a fight.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll give you thirty, if you throw in the kidneys.” I snarled, my patience wearing incredibly thin. I’d haggled my way into some bruised apples, half-rotten potatoes and twelve loaves of burnt bread, and my purse was much lighter than I’d like it to be, but this was going to be the real killer: meat.</p><p>“Fuck off. Make it fifty, and I might let you keep <em>your</em> kidneys.” The seller spat, his thick, dark moustache twitching on his lip as his eyes sparked dangerously. We’d been arguing over 3 small chickens and a couple of squirrels for almost 20 minutes now, but he wouldn’t let up.</p><p>I took another step towards him, my lip curling menacingly. “Thirty five. Final offer before I just take them.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t dare.” He retorted, cracking his knuckles. Admittedly, this would be better without a fight. I was out of practice and this guy was big, not so much in stature but in sheer muscle and body.</p><p>I scoffed, trying to seem nonchalant, even as my hand flicked to my knife. “What are you gonna do? Call the MPs?” I laughed, before lunging at the man and catching him off guard.</p><p>We scuffled on the ground, his fist colliding with my jaw before he flipped me onto my back, pinned beneath him. My knife was flicked away just out of reach, and this guy wasn’t going to let up. He head butted me, and I knew from the noise my nose had snapped, even before I felt the warm flow of blood pouring out of it.</p><p>The guy got up, kicking me in the ribs as I rolled over onto my hands and knees. I wasn’t done, but I’d learnt to use false weakness as a shock tactic. Brute-tits squatted in front of me, so busy sneering in my face that he didn’t notice me dislodge my back-up dagger from my boot until I had him lying face-down on the ground, with the blade pressed sharply against his throat. He gurgled, trying to struggle out of my grip.</p><p>“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” I laughed breathily, trying not to choke on the blood, tears and saliva running down my face. “I might... just... slip.” For emphasis I nicked his throat with the edge of the blade, drawing blood immediately. “Shall we say twenty five?”</p><p>His young sons, who couldn’t have been more than 8 or 9, and had until now been enthralled by watching their dad fight, were stood frozen. The man shouted their names and immediately they started packaging up my chickens and squirrels, kidneys included.</p><p>“Always a pleasure doing business with you.” I muttered, spitting some blood out of my mouth and onto him as I stood up, grabbed my knife and took my groceries.</p><p>Medical supplies would have to wait. I’d caused too much of a scene already and my head was throbbing. Stumbling slightly, I made my way to my house.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(LEVI POV)</p><p> </p><p>Where the fuck did the brat go?</p><p>I’d followed her from base, making sure she didn’t see me, all the way to the scummy city she called home. I wasn’t interested in her, obviously, but I was intrigued to see how close she was with Daddy dearest. Connections like that are hard to come by, and even Erwin had mentioned that it might be useful to get Helian on side. I was simply following indirect orders.</p><p>However, the Mitras brat clearly had other ideas. After aimlessly wandering the market, stopping occasionally to admire a dress or run her fingertips over some jewellery, she bumped into an MP. Clearly she knew him - she practically leapt into his arms. He was a good head and a half taller than her and when he grabbed her hand and walked off with her I felt my usual scowl deepen. Fraternising with the MPs? Is she that stupid? The MPs are an enemy, whatever Zackly says about us all fighting the same cause. Dok’s been out to get the Survey Corps for years, hating that we get all the glory. It’s like he purposefully forgets we also get the actual hard fucking work.</p><p>I shadowed them until they got to a bar, but didn’t go in. She’d notice if I followed her in. Instead, I resigned to wait outside, perched on the roof of a house opposite until she emerged again.</p><p> </p><p>Except she didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>Her MP boyfriend did, maybe a half hour after they’d gone in, but she was nowhere to be seen. Once the red-headed bastard was clear, I climbed down to the ground again and entered the bar, trying to look inconspicuous. She wasn’t there. How the fuck did she - she knew. She knew I’d followed her and must have used a back exit. Maybe she’s a not-so-stupid Mitras runt after all.</p><p>“Oi, any other ways outta here?” I questioned the barman, some old guy walking on a stick. He nodded, fearful.</p><p>“Yes, there’s a back door that leads out to the Wharf.” He croaked and I held back a groan. The Wharf was the poorer part of Mitras (so practically middle class for the rest of us), always jam-packed with people, and comprised of a labyrinthine maze of side streets and alleyways. If she’d cut through the Wharf, there was no way I was going to catch her.</p><p> </p><p>Fine, brat, I’ll just let you come to me.</p><p> </p><p>Quickly, I made my way to Lord Helian’s and found a decent perch a street away where I could see al the comings and going’s of the house. Tsk, house. More like mansion. The place must have had at least 8 bedrooms, judging by the number of upstairs windows, and it was painted white, with purple flowers climbing up a wooden trellis. Just being here made me want to barf.</p><p>The hours ticked by slowly, excruciatingly slowly, but the brat never showed. Maybe Daddy wanted Princess in the army so he could forget she existed? I almost felt <em>sorry</em> for the brat, until I remembered seeing her clip a heavy purse to her belt before she left this morning. If Helian wanted silence, it’s clear he’s been paying for it, and I’m sure the spoiled little runt’s enjoyed every last penny with her MP boyfriend.</p><p>Growling to myself, I realised that there was a ferry back into Rose territory that was about to leave and went away to board it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(Y/N POV)</p><p> </p><p>Nan tried her best. Given the current predicament of low stock in my pharmacy, I refused to let her waste the last scraps on me. She wiped the blood that had dried on my face, and held a flannel to my nose until it stopped spewing red. I had a sneaky, <em>stabby</em>, feeling that at least one of my ribs was fractured, but I didn’t tell her. She’d have just worried too much.</p><p>“Are you going to be OK, (y/n)?” Saoirse said, her little voice full of worry. I held my hand out to her and pulled her onto my lap. At 11, she was practically the same height as me now, but skinnier, due to her not benefitting from military meals as I did.</p><p>“I’m going to be fine, darling.” I replied soothingly, my voice strangely nasal due to the swollen bruise I was calling a nose. “Where’s Kaz?”</p><p>“Asleep upstairs. Dad keeps coming home late and shouting about everything.” Saoirse confided.As far as I knew, Hamlis had kept to his word, or at least not beaten the girls so badly the injuries needed treatment, but his parenting skills hadn’t improved a jot. Agatha had disappeared a year ago, and whilst the girls didn’t miss her as a mother, they missed having a figure in the house who was physically there. Hamlis spent most his time in bars.</p><p>Once I was patched up, I slipped upstairs to where Kaz was curled up under a thin cotton sheet. I kissed her forehead gently, not wanting to wake her, and tiptoed back down to Nan.</p><p>“How’s the operation going?” I asked, referring to the business. Nan nodded, a satisfied look on her face.</p><p>“Profits are back up again after last years slump. The ceasefire between Kenny and the Hyenas is over, so there’s a lot of backstabbing and side choosing, which always means good business for us.” She smiled, placing a hand on my cheek and brushing some of my (y/hc) hair out of my face. “We’re alright, (y/n). You needn’t worry so much.”</p><p>It was soothing, hearing my name down here. Only Nan, Kaz and Saoirse knew it, and they all had the brains to call me Echo when anyone else was in earshot. It was nice, knowing I’m not just a boss to them; knowing that they’re aware how much I care for them, that they’re my family, even if I don’t outwardly say it. To do so would risk them, make them targets for any enemies I might have or make, and I couldn’t live with myself if I let them get hurt.</p><p>“I should get back.” I said, leaving the pharmacy and making for the front door. “I work to a curfew now.”</p><p>Nan grimaced sarcastically. “How <em>awful</em>.”</p><p>Skinny arms were wrapped around my waist, and Kaz was clinging to me, her big eyes staring up at me. Soon the other kids joined in, and there was a clump of maybe 20 of us in the room, all sharing in one big group hug. I grinned to myself.</p><p>Maybe my family was <em>slightly</em> bigger than I originally anticipated.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Could’ve Just Gone to the Med Wing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Little bit saucier here... hope you enjoy <br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the time I got back to the Scout base, the moon was hanging above the wall like an oversized firefly, curved into a sliver of a ‘c’. If I’d got my timings right, and I was reasonably certain I had, I hadn’t missed curfew yet, so I staggered towards the barracks, my ribs aching horrendously. I knew all too well that this was an injury that wouldn’t heal alone, but I’d devised a plan to fake a fall down the stairs now and pretend I injured myself there so I could get treatment without questions. I just had to get to my barracks unseen.</p>
<p>“Oi, (y/ln)! Are you drunk, brat?” Captain Levi called behind me. He must’ve been waiting by the gates, watching everyone come in. Fuck.</p>
<p>“A little, sir. I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” I replied, not turning around. I shrugged a little deeper into my hood, covering my face, and continued my trek. Shooting pains ran down my left side and into my leg, but I ignored them, teeth gritted.</p>
<p>A hand clamped down on my shoulder and whirled me 180 degrees, causing me to cry out in pain at the sudden wrenching movement. I collapsed to my knees, panting and wheezing, trying to take shallow breaths to avoid my lungs expanding against my rib cage too much.</p>
<p>“The fuck...?” the Captain muttered as he crouched in front of me and grabbed my chin, lifting it so I was glaring into his eyes as he shoved my hood down with his free hand.</p>
<p>I must’ve looked a sight, with my now-crooked nose bruised and splattered with the blood that had recommenced after I ran to catch the final ferry back out of the city. One side of my jawline was made of purple and green splodges, and my eyes were bloodshot and watery. To add to that, my features were contorted by the fact I was trying to hold back pained groans, teeth clenched and nostrils flared.</p>
<p>Captain Levi’s eyes searched mine, scanning from my left eye to my right, back and forth. He looked positively concerned, which was new, but recovered quickly, hardening his expression.</p>
<p>“What happened?” He asked sternly, still gripping my chin. When I didn’t reply he squeezed, digging his fingers into a bruise and causing me to exhale loudly in pain. “I said, what happened? Don’t make me say it again, brat.”</p>
<p>I looked away, flicking my eyes sideways. “Bar fight.” I said, simply.</p>
<p>“With who? You’re a military trained private, street scum shouldn’t be this big a problem. Even for <em>you</em>.” He scoffed disbelievingly, letting go of my chin and standing up. He looked down at me, cowering pathetically with one hand pressed to my ribs, and let out a “Tsk.”.</p>
<p>Then, his arms were lifting me off the ground, one under my knees, the other round my back, <em>fucking bridal style</em>. Humiliation poured through me, and I tried to wriggle out of his hold. Even injured I didn’t like being treated like a broken doll. I could take care of myself.</p>
<p>“Stop squirming, idiot.” Captain Levi grumbled as he walked towards the office blocks. “An injured soldier is a useless soldier. Trust me, I don’t like this anymore than you do.”</p>
<p>With that, he started towards the offices. Turns out there weren’t just offices in this block. The second door in each office, which I’d assumed led to a closet of some description, actually led to the private quarters of the residing officer. The Captain kicked his way through the doors and dumped me on a large bed. <em>His</em> bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Holy Walls, could this day get any fucking worse?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shouldn’t I go to the Med Wing?” I asked feebly, not quite trusting my voice to stay steady, and refusing to let it crack in front of the Captain, who already saw me as a weakling.</p>
<p>He scoffed. “Do you want to tell Erwin how you got these injuries, soldier?” When I didn’t reply he rolled his eyes. “They’d ask even more questions than I will. Anyway, they only work nights when they desperately have to. They’d leave you til morning and then you’d be out of action for even longer. It’s inefficient.”</p>
<p>Of course Captain Levi, <em>Humanity’s Strongest</em>, only cared about the efficiency of hospitals and the shortening of recovery times. I should’ve fucking guessed.</p>
<p>“Now, I’m going to make you a deal.” He said as he crossed over to me, a large wooden box of medical supplies in his arms. “I’m going to ask a question, and every time you give me a real answer, I’ll sort one of your injuries. Every time you lie, I’ll give you a new one.” He picked up a small scalpel and flicked in menacingly. “And trust me, I’m a good judge of character.”</p>
<p>Shit. This wasn’t going to be good.</p>
<p>“Do you agree to the terms?” Captain Levi smirked, knowing he had the upper hand. I said nothing. “I’ll take that as a yes. Cause if not, brat, I’ve got all night to get the truth out of you.”</p>
<p>That was more worrying. I was in no state to fight, and I’d heard the stories of the Captain’s ways of sourcing information. Say what you will about me and my business Underground, but at least I never resorted to torturing shit out of people. Swallowing, I nodded.</p>
<p>“I agree.” My voice sounded hoarse, and I hated how weak it made me feel.</p>
<p>Captain Levi pulled a flannel from the box and dipped it into a bowl he’d filled with water whilst talking.</p>
<p>“Firstly, what were you doing in Mitras today?” He asked, hovering over my face with the wet flannel in one hand.</p>
<p>I sighed. “Visiting my father.” His empty hand slapped my face hard. I sighed again. “Seeing an old friend. He’s in the MPs.”</p>
<p>The Captain seemed to accept this, and began to wipe the blood from around my nose.</p>
<p>“And where did you go after meeting him? I know you didn’t stay at the bar.”</p>
<p>Was he admitting to following me? Realising I wasn’t really in a position to question him, I hummed in agreement.</p>
<p>“I went to visit some friends. Took a back way round, had a weird feeling I was being <em>watched</em>.” As I finished my statement, I looked him dead in the eye, and saw the armour crack, just the tiniest bit. He didn’t argue, just finished wiping the blood away.</p>
<p>“Who did you fight with? Oh, and this’ll hurt. Make any noise and I’ll cut it off entirely, brat.” No one would ever call Captain Levi sympathetic, that’s clear enough. He put his hands on either side of my nose.</p>
<p>“A market salesma—shit!” I whispered as my nose was cracked back into its correct positioning and a fresh wave of blood poured out of it. The Captain dipped the flannel back into the water and handed it to me to hold against my face. I took a deep breath and tried again. “A market salesman. A crook, really. He was conning some kids out of food, I called him out on it.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t really a lie, just not a totally truthful recounting either. Captain Levi looked at me suspiciously, but said nothing.</p>
<p>His hands moved to my shirt and he grabbed the hem, about to lift it. I slapped his hands away.</p>
<p>“What the fuck are you doing?” I said incredulously. Like I was going to let him take my fucking clothes off, whatever the injury.</p>
<p>“Don’t flatter yourself, brat.” He muttered. “Do you want to go round with broken ribs?”</p>
<p>Seemed preferable to this, if you asked me, but then he spoke again.</p>
<p>“Soldiers out of commission don’t get paid, did you know that, brat?”</p>
<p>Fuck. I’d taken what I reasonably could from the attic, but medical supplies on the Black Market were crazy expensive, and I couldn’t afford to not have my salary if I wanted to get Nan what she needed. On the other hand, I couldn’t figure out his angle here.</p>
<p>Nonchalantly as I could with a wet cloth pressed against my nose, I hummed. “What makes you think I need money?” I said cockily. This angered him.</p>
<p>“What, <em>Daddy’s</em> got everything covered, has he?” He seethed, and I shrugged. “Because if you’re blackmailing him, I’m sure you’re aware that’s illegal. I could hand you over to the MPs right now.”</p>
<p>Never have I wanted someone dead so badly. Not even Hamlis had ever threatened me outright in such a manner. The Captain didn’t even realise how charged his ammunition was. I couldn’t fall into MP hands, not if it risked Dok finding me out.</p>
<p>Slowly, timidly, I lay back down and shuffled the hem of my shirt up until my stomach and ribs were exposed to the chill that filled the room. Even Captain Levi couldn’t hide his shock when he saw the blackened bruise that spread over the left side of my ribs. At least it distracted him from the small scars that covered most parts of my body. They’re kind of a side effect of being involved in so many fights, but I had a few deep ones, including the one on my hand and another than ran over my right hip and down to my thigh. The top of that one was visible now, a knotted pink ridge poking out of my trousers.</p>
<p>“You’ve been doing all this bitching whilst that was just getting worse? Stupid brat, you should’ve told me immediately.” Captain Levi berated me, swearing under his breath. He stood to the side of me, pressing gently along my side until I nearly cried out in agony.</p>
<p>“There?” He asked, and I nodded in confirmation, biting my tongue and blinking back tears. He pressed again, gentler this time, but it still hurt like a bitch.</p>
<p>“They’re not broken. Cracked, but not broken.”</p>
<p>I hummed, not trusting my voice to respond.</p>
<p>“I’ll drop you by the Med Wing tomorrow, tell them I found you at the bottom of the stairs or something.” Somewhere, beneath all my pain, I found it ironic that our minds worked in similar ways. He continued, “You’re not going to be training for a couple weeks.”</p>
<p>I shook my head drowsily. “No, I have to. My salary -”</p>
<p>“Will be payed to you as normal.” He said, and ‘tsk’ed at my look of confusion, leaning closer to me so that next time he spoke I could feel his breath on my face. “I lied, brat. Just needed to get you talking.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The last I thing I thought before passing out from agony and exhaustion was how irritating it was that he appeared to be a better judge of truth than I was. Definitely <em>not</em> that his eyes were quite pretty when he wasn’t scowling.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Quick Recoveries</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Might not be able to update for a couple days, so here’s the longest and sauciest chapter so far ;)<br/>Thanks for all the love so far x<br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When I woke up next, it wasn’t of my own volition. It was dark still, and the only light in Captain Levi’s room was coming from a few candles burning around a sofa under the window that was identical to the one in his office. There, with his boots precisely placed on the floor nearby, was the Captain, an open book flopped over his chest. He was stretched out over the sofa, asleep.</p>
<p>He was twitching oddly, his face making small grimaces as he breathed shallowly, and every time he moved, the pages of the book made crinkling noises. Between that and the ache still violently throbbing in my side, I’d been unable to stay asleep.</p>
<p>Part of me was glad I’d been so unconscious I’d not dreamed. Normally, on the occasion I managed to sleep more than a couple of hours, I was woken by nightmares. They ranged through a multitude of things - from reliving my mother’s final moments, when she cried out begging for the sweet relief of death, to made up scenarios where Dok got his hands on me, or something happened to the people I cared for Underground. The longer I spent in the military, the more nightmares there were to have: a few times now I’d been woken by horrifying images of Alys, and even Moblit, being torn limb from limb by Titans, currently still nothing more than an image in my head built of scary stories told to me by older Scouts. I think it was the unknown of it all that scared me most.</p>
<p>So when I heard a small whimper escape the lips of Captain Levi, I was slightly stunned. This was a man who’d faced Titans more times than I cared to count, and as much as I disliked him, there was no mistaking the fact that he was undoubtedly one of the strongest people I’d ever met. He cried out again, slightly louder this time, his head thrashing from side to side.</p>
<p>Silently, I slid off the bed, trying not to aggravate my injuries too much, and crept over to where he was. I took the book from his clenched fists, folding the page over and walking to the bedside table to put it down. I vaguely recognised the cover, ‘The Medical Case Studies of Dr Frido Atwol’, from the office of Dr Benning. Going back to where the Captain was fitfully tossing and turning, I knelt down.</p>
<p>In the candlelight, he looked younger somehow. Vulnerable. Awake, he kept such a wall up that it was easy to forget he was actually a human being, as opposed to the emotionless void he presented. I almost felt bad for my dislike of him, considering I wasn’t far off that myself, blocking out everyone I could to avoid being perceived as weak. In another life, one where he didn’t hate my guts for being ‘Mitras born’, we might’ve been friends.</p>
<p>Alas, in the life we were currently in, I found him to be one of the most insufferable people I’d ever met, and it was tempting to leave him to his nightmares. Deep down though, something in me knew I was better than that. I was cold, calculating sure, but not cruel. That was what separated me from the rest of the thugs Underground.</p>
<p>Tentatively, as if he might bite, I reached my hand out to soothingly smooth his hair against his face, like I used to when I heard any of the kids having bad dreams in my house. He leant his face into my hand, and I could feel his hot breath against the skin inside my wrist.</p>
<p>“Captain, wake up, you’re having a nightmare.” I whispered, to no avail. Reaching out with my other hand to shake his shoulder, I was nearly embracing him as I spoke a little louder, “Wake up, please. Come on. <em>Levi</em>.”</p>
<p>His name seemed to be the trigger to pull him back to reality, and he sat up suddenly, leaving me to yank my hands back as fast as I could.</p>
<p>“The <em>hell</em> do you think you’re doing, brat?” He spat, but his tone was less biting than usual, and I watched as he shoved his shaking hands into his lap to hide them.</p>
<p>“You were having a nightmare.” I said plainly. “I woke you up.”</p>
<p>He glared at me, his eyes narrowed. “Go. The nurses should be up by now.”</p>
<p>The sun was beginning to peek at the sky, and dawn wouldn’t be far off. I pushed myself up until I was standing, and hobbled over to the door, still struggling to breath too deeply. As I was about to leave, I heard a small voice behind me.</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>Without turning back, I responded.</p>
<p>“You’re welcome, Captain Levi.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the end, it took 12 days of sitting in the Med Wing for them to sign me off as ready to go back to training. To be honest, they probably should have kept me a little longer, but my constant haranguing and begging to be allowed out again finally irritated the nurses into submission. In my defence, I tried to stay busy - I read several books Moblit dropped by, caught up with Alys each evening to ensure I hadn’t missed anything of particular importance, and even managed to practice throwing knives (although that last one wasn’t exactly an <em>encouraged</em> activity, I just snuck round the back of the Med Wing and started flipping my blade into the wall). At the end of it all, though, I was simply so bored that the prospect of dragging myself out of bed at sunrise to train until I dropped somehow managed to be preferable.</p>
<p>“Private (y/ln).” Said the nurse who’d been tasked with keeping me in bed as much as possible during my stay, as she scribbled a few notes into my medical file. “Commander Erwin has requested you report to his office before returning to your day to day life. You’re free to go.”</p>
<p>I’d not spoken directly with the Commander in the whole time I’d been with the Scouts, so the fact he wanted my undivided attention now sounded ominous. Had he seen through the story I gave about falling down the stairs? Had Captain Levi, pissed off at me for trying to be nice, exposed my lie? Sighing as to hide a grumble at the thought of the infuriating little man, I finished lacing my boots and left the Med Wing, thanking the nurses as I passed by the front desk.</p>
<p>It was early still, but the late September sun was clear and golden like the butter we used to be able to afford when we’d sold our apples and money lined our pockets nicely. My current situation left much to be desired, as far as I was concerned, but I did bask in the sunlight as often as I could, practically drinking in the fresh air. It was hard to believe I’d been here for six weeks already.</p>
<p>I scurried up the stairs of the office block, walking purposefully towards the Commander’s office, when an arm was wrapped around my neck, pushing me to my knees in a choke hold.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here, brat?” The Captain said, having just come out of Hange’s office. Hange and Moblit stood in the doorway, Moblit looking conflicted about whether to say something or not, and Hange with that weird twinkle in their eye I’d noticed a lot since my arrival.</p>
<p>“Commander Erwin wanted to see me.” I croaked out, finding it hard to speak when my airway was being cut off by the crook of Captain Levi’s elbow.</p>
<p>He laughed, a short cruel laugh, before bending over so his face was next to mine, and spoke into my ear. “And here I was thinking maybe you just missed me.”</p>
<p>A raging blush sprung to my face as he let me go, chuckling to himself. Moblit looked at me, confused, but followed Hange out of the building, taking a final glance back at me, still knelt on the floor trying to steady my breathing. That little <em>shit</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Commander Erwin’s office was essentially identical to Captain Levi’s - in fact, from what I’d seen whilst cleaning, the furniture and arrangement of it within the offices was the same in all of them - but his seemed more cluttered, less clean. There were piles of pages of paperwork dotted all over the place, maps strewn over desks and dried up splodges of previously spilled ink decorating the floor. I stood in front of his desk, after being permitted entry, and saluted.</p>
<p>“At ease, soldier. Please, sit down.” Commander Erwin said kindly, and it took me a moment to process what he’d said. The Captain had never let me sit when he was addressing me.</p>
<p>I was wary of Erwin to begin with, still distrusting him due to his involvement in my childhood nightmare fuel. This meeting had me on edge, and I knew as I stiffly lowered myself into a seat that I needed to calm down in case I came off as guilty before any accusations had even been thrown.</p>
<p>“Now,” he continued, once I was sat straight-backed in the wooden chair opposite him. “First of all I’d like to check that you feel ready to return to training?”</p>
<p>I nodded vigorously. “Absolutely, sir.”</p>
<p>“Good.” Commander Erwin said, a small smile perched on his lips. “Secondly, I’ve had reports from the Med Wing that whilst incapacitated you turned out to be rather helpful at dealing with small injuries.”</p>
<p>He raised one of his thick, blond eyebrows at me. It was true, in my boredom I’d seen no reason not to lighten the load of the nurses by offering to deal with minor issues, like cleaning and stitching small cuts.</p>
<p>“Yes, sir.” I smiled easily, the excuse I’d given the nurses already on my lips. “I grew up with Lord Helian’s grandsons, and they often had scuffles. Learning basic First Aid made the nurserymaid’s job easier. I hope I didn’t offend anyone by offering my services?”</p>
<p>The Commander shook his head. “Not at all, in fact it’s making me reevaluate where to place you when we divide the Rookies into squads. Scouts with medical experience are a rather valuable asset.” He sounded impressed, and internally I was glowing. After weeks of constant berating from Captain Levi, it was nice to receive some true praise, even from a man I’d decided to hate so long ago.</p>
<p>“I’m glad to be of use, sir.” My voice sounded stronger now, more confident. “I’ve only ever wanted to help people.”</p>
<p>Seemingly satisfied to hear this, the Commander leant back in his chair, eyes still on me.</p>
<p>“Good.” He said, after a momentary pause. “Well, off you go then, Private (y/ln). Remember my door is always open if you need anything.”</p>
<p>After giving my thanks, I left for the Mess Hall, resolving to get some breakfast before going to training, but Commander Erwin’s sudden call of “y/n!” stopped me. I turned to face him again, saluting. He’d used my first name, a rarity in the Scout Regiment from a superior officer.</p>
<p>“There is one more thing I need to ask.” He said, shuffling awkwardly. Clearly whatever he had to say was an uncomfortable subject. “Was it Lord Helian’s grandsons who taught you to throw knives too?”</p>
<p>Shit. I was stumped. I hadn’t realised anyone noticed me doing that, disguising it to the nurses as wanting to walk a lap of the base - and the Med Wing’s back wall where I’d been practising was tucked away at the edge of the grounds. No one could’ve seen, surely.</p>
<p>The obvious answer would be to say yes, they had, but the look on the Commander’s face proved that he knew Lord Helian’s grandsons were aged 7, 9 and 10 when I joined the Military. Stitching cuts was plausible, but this? If he knew enough about Helian to know his grandsons, what did he know of Helian’s real daughter, my mother? I shook my head, trying to figure out how to deflect the question and give myself more time to figure out a believable answer.</p>
<p>“No, sir. They’re far too young to be around weaponry.” I said, an airy giggle tacked on the end as I hoped to seem conversational. Unfortunately, it came out too high pitched, so it really just made me seem nervous, which I definitely was. Erwin didn’t take the bait, saying nothing, therefore prompting me to continue. “I was taught by an MP I was friends with. We’d spend time together when he was on duty near my home, and he taught me to defend myself by throwing blades.”</p>
<p>There we go. I had him now. If he pushed further, I’d send him to Ignat who would gladly cover for me.</p>
<p>“I see.” Erwin said, and I couldn’t quite decide if he believed me or not. “Thank you, (y/ln). Enjoy your first day back.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My first day back was possibly the most tiring of my life. I’d not spent two weeks entirely inactive since my childhood, and so my muscles clearly had no idea how to comprehend moving again after such a break. My fighting moves were sloppy, my horse riding slow, and my moves with the ODM gear downright suicidal. To top it off, Captain Levi had decided to head up training that day, and took every opportunity to get on my ass about the state of my ability.</p>
<p>“Get up, (y/ln)! Now, brat!” He yelled as I fought against the screaming in my muscles to try and stand after face-planting the forest floor in an ODM flip gone wrong. Next thing I knew, my mouth was full of mud, and my face was being pushed into the pine covered path by a boot on my head.</p>
<p>“If you want to stay down, fine.” Captain Levi said, and I could hear the smirk in his voice. Others had landed around us now, and the humiliation stung more than the heel of his boot pressing onto my scalp. “Let this be a lesson to you all: if you want to stay down, I’ll keep you down.”</p>
<p>He pushed on my head harder, so the pressure made it feel like my head might explode. When it got bad enough for me to cry out, he finally released. The small crowd dispersed rapidly, and I stood quickly, moving to shoot up into a tree and continue the course.</p>
<p>“Oi, brat.” Captain Levi said before I could get away. “Your right hand’s too tight, you’re not angling it correctly. Might be because of that scar, keeping the skin more taut, but if that’s the case you need to learn to allow for it. Turn your hand grip further inwards when you hold it, that way your aim’ll be better.”</p>
<p>I stared at him for a moment. Did he seriously just go from rubbing my face in the dirt to giving me advice as soon as his audience was gone? <em>Typical.</em></p>
<p>“What?” He asked brusquely. “Just because you’re a massive pain in the ass doesn’t mean I want to see you die.”</p>
<p>“Um... Thanks?” I replied uncertainly. He turned his face away from mine and stood looking up into the trees where I couldn’t get a clear view of his expression.</p>
<p>“Tsk. Whatever, runt. All I’m saying is the Scouts need as many soldiers as we can get. Nothing personal.”</p>
<p>And on that bombshell, he shot his piston up into the trees and disappeared from the clearing. I had to admire the sheer speed and agility he was able to move with. Part of me wished I could come clean about who I was simply so I could spar him hand-to-hand with my real moves. Bet I could get him pinned down in seconds. I almost laughed at the mental image of Captain Levi lying flat on his back on the ground squirming whilst I kept his hands trapped above his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Nothing personal.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Sneaking Out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ok so I know I said I wouldn’t update today but we hit 100 kudos and 1000 hits so here’s the next instalment as a thank you! I’m sure you’ll be satisfied with this one ;)<br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I was sat at breakfast three days later when it happened. I’d been engaged in a conversation with Moblit and Hange about their studies and hypotheses about the Titans - it turned out Hange had some pretty insanely brilliant theories, and they seemed to find my quick mind and learned intelligence interesting, as I offered queries and ideas. The post came in, as it did every morning, but for the first time, a small letter was dropped in front of me. Immediately, I excused myself to go and read it.</p><p>As I’d assumed, it was from Ignat, passing messages from Nan that had been sent to the surface with Kaz. The letter itself was disinteresting, some casual chitchat about life in Mitras Ignat had written to distract from the true contents of the message. The envelope. I unstuck all the sides and pressed it with my hands until it lay flat. Then, lighting a candle, I carefully heated the paper until scrawled words appeared on the paper.</p><p>It had been a stroke of genius on Ignat’s part to write in this manner: being well paid as an MP he had access to the finer things in life, like lemons, and the juice could be used as ink that was invisible unless held near a candle. Being able to communicate without fear of discovery made our lives less stressful.</p><p>‘Dear (y/n),</p><p>Kaz came by with bad news. Medical supplies entirely depleted. Desperately need reinforcements. I’d get them but would raise too many eyebrows. Can’t wait until your next day off.</p><p>Yours, Ignat’</p><p>Well, <em>crap</em>. We were only half way through the month and I’d not have a day off for nearly another two weeks. If the situation was desperate enough to test our new communication link, then it was seriously bad. Nan agreed we’d only pass letters as a last resort, to avoid suspicion. Looked like I was going to be breaking curfew, then. I could only desperately pray that Captain Levi wouldn’t notice me slip away; another month of office cleaning was not what I wanted.</p><p>During training, I tried to conjure up a feasible plan. If there was any chance I was getting off base unnoticed, I was going to have to leave late in the evening when everyone else was already in bed, but by then all my contacts Underground would be going about their shadier business. The likelihood of finding someone with medical gear for sale was slim normally, never mind when the market wasn’t open in the Warehouses. There was no point risking getting caught out after curfew if I didn’t even have the stuff Nan needed.</p><p>Then it hit me. Somewhere in my fuzzy, pain-filled memories of my night in the Captain’s room was him saying the nurses in the Med Wing only work nights when they have to. Did that mean they left the store rooms unguarded? They’d be locked, obviously, but I was a pro when it came to picking locks. And anyway, surely they wouldn’t notice a few missing bandages and tinctures. I didn’t like the fact I was stealing from people who trusted me, but I shook the feeling off. I’d stolen before, when needs must. This was no different.</p><p> </p><p>Night came too quickly for my liking. It was cloudy, which was probably a good thing as it’d be harder to spot me in the pitch black darkness that was settled over the base like a shroud. I wore all black, with my cloak hood thrown over head to help me blend into the night, and I waited until Alys was sound asleep before leaping out of the window and shimmying down the tree as I had on my first night here.</p><p>Quietly as I could, I tiptoed towards the Med Wing and opened the door slowly as not to let it creak or groan. Couldn’t afford any mess ups here. The lights were off, and the hallway empty. I held my breath as I stealthily slipped behind the front desk and knelt down in front of the door labelled ‘STORE’. I pulled a little metal tool out of the top of my boot and went to work.</p><p>It took seconds for me to hear the click of success and feel the door give way. I was in. My stomach churned with anticipation: if I was caught, would they kick me out of the Scouts? Or worse, arrest me and hand me over to Dok for questioning? I’m not sure even Ignat could get me out of the shitheap then.</p><p>The place was incredibly well stocked - there were medications in here I’d never even heard of! - so I opened my satchel and stuffed it full with a bit of everything, deliberately only taking a few of each thing so it wouldn’t be noticed too quickly. I was about to leave, when the pit in the my stomach flipped, and I went from feeling nervous to guilty. These people trusted me. Teeth gritted, I sighed, and dug a handful of coins out of my bag, placing them on the desk and leaving the building. If I’d payed, it wasn’t <em>technically</em> stealing, right?</p><p> </p><p>The final ferries ran at 9PM each night, so I was far too late for that. Anyway, the idea of trying to sneak stolen contraband through the checks at Wall Sina sounded like suicide. No, I had my own ways of getting around.</p><p>I’d found the tunnels years ago, when I was still getting to grips with the layout of the Underground and accidentally strayed too far. Apparently, they’d intended to build more cities like the Underground in each wall, but after doing the preliminary digging, they realised that one Underground was cesspit enough for all of society’s off cuts. However, the tunnels and powered carts still sat dormant underground, with entrances hidden in the oddest of places. I happened to know one was only two miles from base hidden next to a small village, behind the school.</p><p>Dashing across base, I felt a wave of exhilaration flow through me as I got out of the grounds and sprinted towards a tree line. The village was on the other side of the woods. Once I was far enough away, I dared to take a moment to look back. No one was following me, and base looked silent, empty and asleep. I’d done it. My feet took off in the direction of the village and I didn’t stop running until I arrived. I had no time to waste.</p><p>I scrambled down the ladder and dropped to my knees, crawling until the tunnel got wide enough for me to stand. Then, I pulled a candle and matches from my bag and lit it, so I could see.</p><p>The carts were small, and powered by levers that I’d learnt to control through trial and error over the course of several months as a 12 year old. They were pretty fast, and it took only half an hour to whizz and whirl my way to the outskirts of the Underground, where the tracks stopped. I blew out my candle and got back on my knees, crawling through a small passage and emerging behind a row of sewage chutes. The smell was appalling, but I suppose that why very few people had found the tunnels.</p><p>From there, it was simply a case of slinking through the streets to my house, keeping my head down. The last thing I needed now was a fight. Luckily, for once the world seemed to be on my side, and before I knew it, I was unlocking my own front door.</p><p>“Nan?” I whispered as I entered, not wanting to wake anyone unnecessarily. Nan hobbled down the stairs towards me, a wide smile on her face. I put my bag on the floor and sighed contentedly as she wrapped her frail arms around me, stroking my hair.</p><p>“Echo.” She said, and tugged me into the office, grabbing the satchel I’d dumped. Once the door was firmly closed, she started unpacking my spoils. Her eyes widened when she realised quite how much I’d managed to get. “Oh, (y/n), thank you. I don’t know how you managed this, but thank you.”</p><p>I said nothing, finding her praise hard to accept. I still couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d betrayed my comrades by doing this, even if it was to save my friends.</p><p>“I’m assuming you can’t stay for long.” Nan murmured, once she’d finished shelving the supplies, and she stroked my face lovingly. “Go and see the girls before you go. They miss you.”</p><p>“I don’t want to wake them.” I replied. “Anyway, I doubt Hamlis would be pleased to see me.”</p><p>Nan scoffed.</p><p>“Hamlis is never home. Saoirse is practically bringing her sister up alone.”</p><p>Relenting, I nodded. “Alright, I’ll drop in.” I pulled Nan into another hug. “See you in two weeks.”</p><p>Nan kissed my cheek. “See you soon, (y/n).”</p><p> </p><p>I tapped at the window lightly, before letting myself into the bedroom I knew Kaz and Saoirse would be asleep in. They were huddled together on the floor, using an old jumper as a blanket, both their heads resting on one flattened pillow. Kneeling next to them, I shook Saoirse’s arm gently. She leapt up, screaming, but I put a hand over her mouth and she rapidly realised who I was. Kaz, who’d been woken by the noise, looked equally shaken for a moment, then her face broke into a large grin.</p><p>“(y/n)!” She squealed, leaping into my arms and hugging me tightly. Saoirse laughed and joined us.</p><p>“How are you both?” I asked. “I can’t stay long, but I wanted to say hi.”</p><p>Saoirse pulled back from my arms and nodded at me bravely. “We’re ok. I’m keeping an eye on things for you.”</p><p>“And I appreciate that very much, darling.” I said, smiling at her.</p><p>Kaz looked up at me, her wide eyes shining with glee. “Did you get the stuff Nan needed? I got the message to Ignat and no one saw me at all!” She whispered proudly, and I ruffled her curls.</p><p>“I did, and well done! You’ll be vying for my job if I’m not careful.”</p><p>She chuckled at this and I set her onto the floor as she yawned loudly.</p><p>“Go back to bed, darling. I’ll be gone when you wake up, but I’ll come home soon. I promise.” I said, kissing her hair. She nodded, and lay back down, curling into a small ball and closing her lids. Saoirse watched the exchange, then walked out into her kitchen, beckoning me to follow.</p><p>“Everything OK?” I asked, more seriously this time. Saoirse was only 11, but I knew better than to treat her like a baby. She was no child, not in her eyes. Life had shown her otherwise.</p><p>She looked slightly uncertain, but hummed. “Kaz misses Mom. Well, not Mom herself, but having a Mom. Or a parent.”</p><p>Saoirse’s eyes were sunken, and she looked decades older than she was. There was no youth in her grey skin, and the spark of life in her eyes was nothing but a dilapidated graveyard. I didn’t think about it then, because Underground it’s easy to forget that this was not normal, but it was horrendously sad to see someone so young look so old.</p><p>“I’m sorry that I had to leave.” I whispered, moving towards her and pulling her into a proper hug. She crumpled in my arms, silent sobs wracking her skinny body, her attempts at holding herself together all in vain. “I’d give anything for it to be safe for me to be back here with you. You know that, don’t you?”</p><p>Saoirse made a small noise indicating agreement, clearly not trusting her own voice. I pulled away from her, holding her face in both hands and blinking back my own tears which threatened perilously to fall.</p><p>“You’re like my sister, Saoirse. I’m going to keep you safe. I promise you that. I fucking guarantee it.”</p><p>Tears still streaking her cheeks, and her lip wobbling, Saoirse tugged me into a final hug before I lowered myself back out of her window, not wanting Hamlis’ neighbours to know I’d been here. My return to base was a quiet one filled with loud thoughts I wished I could silence.</p><p> </p><p>My barracks were in sight. I was back on base, still moving quietly as an assassin, and I could taste success underneath the poisonous hints of bitter sadness that filled me up. I rationalised with myself that I had saved Saoirse and Kaz, because they were alive, and so was I. Nan had the medical supplies she needed, and food, and a roof. I’d provided everything I was supposed to. So why did I feel like such a failure?</p><p>Perhaps it’s because I was so engulfed in my own self-hatred that I didn’t notice the Captain sat leaning against the tree outside the Mess Hall he seemed to frequent so often. Unfortunately, he definitely noticed me.</p><p>“(y/ln)?” He whispered, standing up, before saying “Oi, brat.” louder.</p><p>I almost jumped out of my skin at the sound of his voice, and wiped my eyes furiously, refusing to let him see me crying. I approached him slowly, stopping and saluting when he was only a few paces away.</p><p>“Out after curfew again?” He growled. “You really do like being <em>punished</em>, huh runt?”</p><p>The way he emphasised ‘punished’ made me shiver, as I realised from the tiny stumble as he rose and the slight slurring of his speech that he was drunk.</p><p>“I’m very sorry, sir.” I said, keeping my head down and my eyes firmly on the floor.</p><p>“Look at me when you address me, soldier.” He responded forcefully. I didn’t look up - I mean, if i wasn’t <em>addressing</em> him, that means I didn’t have to look, right?</p><p>Clearly, Captain Levi disagreed, as he strutted towards me and backhanded my face before grabbing it and angling it to look at him. I knew my eyes held a blazing fury, but my wet, tear stained cheeks and puffy lips betrayed me. It was clear as day that I’d been crying. He let go of me, rubbing his thumb against the single tear still rolling down my face.</p><p>“Why are you crying?” He whispered, and I could smell the whiskey on his breath. The posh stuff too - apparently Captain Levi, for all his bitching about my rich heritage, had quite the expensive taste himself.</p><p>I sniffed angrily, turning my face away, only for him to twist it back.</p><p>“If it’s all the same to you, Captain, I’d rather not say.” I said, silently cursing when my voice broke. “Just issue a punishment so I can go to bed.”</p><p>His eyebrows tugged together in confusion. “I’m not going to do that. Call this payment for the other morning. I don’t like being indebted to Mitras brats. We’re even.”</p><p>I nodded. I hadn’t considered him <em>in my debt</em> for waking him from his nightmares, but I wasn’t about to argue this point. All I wanted was to faceplant a pillow and fall into oblivion.</p><p>“You’re prettier when you aren’t sad.” He murmured so quietly I wouldn’t have heard it if he wasn’t so close to me. His eyes widened slightly as he spoke, like he’d taken himself aback.</p><p>I said nothing for a moment, unsure of how to react. When I did speak, I did so with such little conviction that it came across as pathetic instead of sarcastic as I’d intended.</p><p>“I apologise for being sad, Captain Levi.”</p><p>He scoffed. “Tsk. Stop talking, brat.”</p><p>I opened my mouth to ask if that meant I was dismissed to go to bed, but before any sound could come out, his lips were on mine, and the taste of his whiskey was on my tongue.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Manners</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m back with the next instalment!<br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When I woke up the next morning, it took me a minute to decide if the events of the prior evening were real or not. The only evidence I really had was that surely kissing the Captain was something so bad that it wouldn’t even happen in my worst nightmares, considering how much I dislike him. Or thought I did. No, definitely did. I was not being tricked into infatuation by a drunk shortass snogging me under a tree at four in the morning.</p>
<p>My body was sluggish and tired as I heaved it out of bed; I dressed myself slowly and ambled with Alys towards the Mess Hall. She eyed me strangely, clearly knowing something was up, but she knew me better than to ask.</p>
<p>When we arrived in the Mess Hall, I found my eyes immediately drawn to the stiff frame of Captain Levi, the bags under his eyes slightly worse than usual. Hungover. He was sat with Moblit and Hange, so I grabbed an apple and found a seat with Alys and a few other Rookies at a table on the other side of the room. He made no effort to meet my eye, so I invested myself in conversation with my friends.</p>
<p>“-and that’s why I would beat you in a boxing match!” Groaned Coran, a boy from my graduating class, exasperatedly to Wund, another boy I’d met as a Cadet. They came from neighbouring villages, and were incredibly competitive about who was superior in absolutely everything. And I mean everything: I’d seen them argue about who would eat ten worms quicker, only giving up the ghost when someone suggested they actually try it.</p>
<p>“Well if you’re so <em>sure</em>,” Wund said, his eyes narrowed. “Friday night. Put your fists where your mouth is. Or I’ll put mine there. By hitting you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, we got the joke, Wund.” Alys laughed lightly. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I think in-fighting goes against the rules of being a Scout.”</p>
<p>“No, no.” Coran said, clearly worried that if he agreed with Alys, it would seem like he was backing down. “I’ll box you. Deal.”</p>
<p>I chuckled, amused at the display of male arrogance. I knew I’d trash the pair of them in a boxing match given the opportunity. They both looked at me questioningly, and I realised I’d laughed slightly too loudly.</p>
<p>“Oh, I was just laughing because...” I paused, thinking of an answer. “Because you can’t have a boxing match without a referee. No one here knows the rules, do they?”</p>
<p>The table murmured ‘no’s, and Coran slumped in his seat grumpily. Wund wasn’t as quick to give up. He stood on the bench, coughed loudly to get everyone’s attention and shouted:</p>
<p>“Anyone here willing to referee a friendly boxing match?”</p>
<p>“I am.” Came the voice of Captain Levi, even though he sounded utterly disinterested, not even looking in the direction of my table as he spoke. Hange raised an eyebrow at him. “What? I can’t enjoy watching the dumb brats hit each other?”</p>
<p>The Mess Hall dissolved into a buzz of chatter then, about who would win, who’d get the first hit in, and if we should take bets. By the time we were leaving for training, everyone was thoroughly overexcited.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I waited by the door of the Mess Hall until Captain Levi came out, and grabbed him by the elbow, tugging him away and ignoring his protests.</p>
<p>“What the fuck are you doing, brat?” He barked, yanking his sleeve out of my grip.</p>
<p>“Why did you agree to that?” I asked. “Surely you know neither of them have any boxing experience.”</p>
<p>The Captain shrugged. “Like I told Hange, I just want to see the runts hit each other.”</p>
<p>I rolled my eyes. “You look tired. Maybe drinking late into the night is a bad idea, don’t you think?”</p>
<p>His stoic expression flickered to confusion for a moment. He didn’t remember seeing me. He didn’t remember what he did.</p>
<p>“Better question, why do you think you can drag me off like that, address me without titles and question my decisions?” Captain Levi growled.</p>
<p>When I didn’t dignify him with an answer, he carried on.</p>
<p>“Is it because you’re an entitled Mitras brat? Always got your own way? Maybe you’ve moved on from Moblit to one of those two, and don’t want them to get hurt.” He laughed at his own comments and I moved to slap him, but he caught my wrist.</p>
<p>“Excuse me?” He seethed quietly, dangerously. “Did you just attempt to attack a superior officer, bitch?”</p>
<p>He whacked me across the jaw with the hand that wasn’t gripping my wrist.</p>
<p>“You’ll report to my office tonight at 8. Cleaning duty. One month.”</p>
<p><em>Fuck</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The day passed horrendously slowly, although arguably that’s a blessing considering I knew this evening was likely to be torture. As far as Captain Levi was concerned, I’d spoken out of turn and tried to hit him somewhat unprovoked. Screw that little bitch.</p>
<p>At dinner I was quiet, rolling my potato around my plate with a butter knife while the rest of the table continued chatting about the upcoming boxing match. Wund had been bragging all day about how he was going to knock Coran out before he could even get a hit in, and Coran had been refuting this with tall tales about his prowess beating up older bullies in his village. What was it with men and their bloody egos?</p>
<p>“Hey, you alright (y/n)?” Alys said quietly, nudging me with her elbow. “I heard you’re back on cleaning duty. What did you do this time?”</p>
<p>I shrugged. “Tried to hit the Captain.”</p>
<p>Alys’ eyes widened, but before she could say anything, I felt a tapping on my shoulder and looked up. Moblit smiled down at me, motioning for me to leave the Mess Hall with him. Knowing from my peripheral vision that the Captain had been glaring daggers at me all through dinner, and not really wanting to discuss my mutiny any further with Alys, I gladly took the opportunity. Some fresh air before being locked up in the offices again would be nice.</p>
<p>Outside it was quite dark, a small sprinkling of stars glittering over the sky, and a chilled breeze flew past us lightly. Moblit took my hand and pulled me over to sit in the grass under the trees. Under the Captain’s tree. Where we - nope, not thinking about it. (y/n) (y/ln) is nothing if not a master of willpower and I was willing myself to put the whole night out of mind.</p>
<p>“So, I hear you’re in trouble with Levi again. He was seething all through dinner: ‘<em>Mitras runt</em>’ this and ‘<em>privileged brat</em>’ that and -” Moblit stopped when he saw the look on my face. “And <em>I’m</em> putting my foot in it entirely. Sorry. That’s not what you want to hear right before you report to him, huh?”</p>
<p>He laughed shakily and I nodded. “Something like that.” I said, looking away over the valley.</p>
<p>We sat there, in an awkward silence for a few moments before I realised this was not putting it out of my head. I needed to distract myself.</p>
<p>“Anyway, I heard some rumours there’s going to be an expedition soon - is that true?” I tried to sound light and nonchalant; truly I was secretly quite worried about the prospect of facing a real life Titan.</p>
<p>“Unfortunately so.” Moblit replied, sounding slightly poignant. “Erwin wants us out three weeks tomorrow. He’s announcing it officially on Friday once he’s finished assigning all the Rookies to squads.”</p>
<p>“Guess I’d better start praying then.” I laughed breathily, rolling my eyes slightly and trying to mask my nerves. I never assumed we’d be given so little notice, then again I suppose too much notice and the adrenaline and anxiety would wear off.</p>
<p>Moblit raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t take you for the religious type. You one of those Wall worshippers?”</p>
<p>I almost burst out laughing on the spot. “Absolutely not.” I giggled and relief washed over Moblit’s face. “I don’t think I believe in anything really, but I guess I’ll need all the luck I can get once we’re out there, so praying can’t hurt.”</p>
<p>He considered this for a moment, then a smirk perched itself on his mouth.</p>
<p>“You don’t need luck. You’ve got me looking out for you.”</p>
<p>He leant closer. His lips were slightly parted. Shit. Not again. I liked Moblit well enough, and maybe in another life he’d be exactly what I needed. But not here. Not when everything he knew about me was a lie <em>and</em> I was probably going to be dead in three weeks anyway <em>and</em> I needed to prepare Nan for what would happen after my demise. My body was screaming at me to lean into him, place my mouth on his and kiss for all I’m worth, but my brain was shouting for me to do the exact opposite. Fuck knows what my heart wanted, we’ve been disconnected for a long time.</p>
<p>“Uh, I should go. I’m going to be late.” I stated abruptly, fighting my legs to stand up. I clenched my teeth and tensed my muscles in an attempt to stop my whole body from shaking. Moblit stood too, his whole face going bright red, and a guilty pang gnawed at my stomach.</p>
<p>“Right.” He said, and I turned to walk away. I was a few paces from his when he ran to catch me up.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry about that. I don’t know what got into me.” His face looked sheepish, but I could see in his eyes that he was sad.</p>
<p>“No, no don’t apologise.” I pleaded, and hesitantly touched his face with my fingertips. “It’s not you. But we’re Scouts, and we might die at any moment and I can’t be linked to someone in that way. Even if I wanted to be.”</p>
<p>That seemed reasonable. I’d established a plausible reason for why we couldn’t be together without explicitly stating that I did or didn’t want to be with him. I didn’t want to commit to either, and risk either losing his friendship or having him continue his advances most likely in vain.</p>
<p>Moblit seemed to think so too, his shy smile returning to his face. “I understand that. I won’t push my luck. Friends?”</p>
<p>“Friends.” I hugged him as I spoke. “Now I really do need to go, else Captain Levi will have a hissy fit.”</p>
<p>We laughed once more, and Moblit waved as I ran off towards the office blocks. People had been streaming out of the Mess Hall in drips and drabs for a few minutes now, and I wasn’t sure if the Captain was one of them or not. I walked up the stairs to his office, and my clenched fist was hovering over his closed door when he sauntered up beside me, a key in his hand.</p>
<p>I stepped aside to allow him to unlock and open his door, and followed him inside.</p>
<p>“Should I go and get the cleaning supplies, sir?” I asked stiffly, not wanting any of the confused emotions I was feeling to seep into my voice. Captain Levi dropped his keys on his desk and sat down in his chair.</p>
<p>“No. Sit down.” He pointed at the chair opposite him. He’d never let me sit before. “Any time today would be nice, brat.”</p>
<p>Right, I’d been staring at him like an idiot. I walked to the chair and sat in it, my back straight and hands folded restlessly in my lap.</p>
<p>“Erwin has commanded that we iron out our issues.” the Captain sighed, a slight growl of anger in his voice. “Apparently me <em>tolerating</em> your invasively annoying presence in training isn’t enough, and now he’s putting you on my squad.”</p>
<p>I was stunned. I’d played it safe, I’d stuck to the middle ground of mediocrity my whole time in the military - what was Commander Erwin thinking putting me on the elite Levi Squad?</p>
<p>“Don’t give me that look, runt, he’s not putting you there for your combative talents, <em>obviously</em>.” Captain Levi scoffed. “He says I need to have someone with medical training nearby, seeing as my squad are the most valuable soldiers we’ve got. According to him, that’s where you come in.”</p>
<p>I nodded slowly. “Yes, I have got some basic medical knowledge, but I’ve never had to use it in the field before.”</p>
<p>“Well let’s just hope you’re quicker at learning that than you have been at everything else we’ve tried and failed to teach you, huh runt?” He grumbled, evidently less than impressed with me, namely my being added to his squad. He sighed again, gritting his teeth before faking a smile so badly it was barely more than a grimace. “Or should I say ‘(y/ln)’, now that we’re... <em>friends</em>.” The word appeared to pain him to say.</p>
<p>“If you like, sir.” I said noncommittally, not wanting to risk this forced truce by angering him. “Should I start cleaning now?”</p>
<p>He shook his head. “No. As part of our... peace treaty... Erwin says you’re being given a free pass this time. Go to bed, br-(y/ln).”</p>
<p>“Yes, sir.” I replied, although I had no intention of sleeping. It was early in the night still, and I had much to mull over. I rose from my chair and was about to leave, then paused. “Friendships, however forced, equate to etiquette and manners, correct?” I asked, and he gave me a look of ‘<em>What the hell are you going on about?</em>’, so I continued without a response. “In that spirit, I’ll wish you a good evening.”</p>
<p>I could’ve sworn I almost saw him smile as he muttered back. “Goodnight, Rookie.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Fall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m drunk so I figure updating would be fun!!<br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;33</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Friday rolled around, and neither Coran nor Wund had backed out, so after dinner we pushed the benches to the edge of the room, and formed a circle around them. Captain Levi, looking disinterested as ever, stood in between them listing rules.</p>
<p>“Once you’re down, I’ll count to three. My count is final. If I say you’re down, you’re down.” He said firmly. Both of the guys nodded, glaring at each other, fists already half raised. The Captain stepped back. “Well, when you’re ready. Fight.”</p>
<p>Immediately Wund went for Coran, punching him on the nose, causing Coran to rebound backwards. He shook his head, undizzying himself, then marched forward and landed several punches on Wund. This back and forth continued for several minutes, until finally Wund managed to clip Coran round the side of his head and knock him over. He held him there whilst the Captain counted, and the match was over. Coran obviously wasn’t going to accept this, and demanded it become a best of three scenario, so Captain Levi started them off again.</p>
<p>This time, his hurt pride as fuel, Coran dipped and ducked around Wund, before swinging his leg up to kick Wund’s head, and he was down. Now that everything relied on the final match, both of them were practically shaking. I nudged Alys, who was stood next to me, her blonde hair loose and wavy.</p>
<p>“Are they shaking from exhaustion, fear or adrenaline?” I whispered. Alys laughed musically.</p>
<p>“All three, I reckon. Coran looks ready to puke, and Wund might go down of his own accord and just faint!” She giggled, covering her mouth with her hand.</p>
<p>Before I could reply, they were off again, fighting much dirtier this time. In the end, Coran leapt at Wund and they wound up rolling about on the floor. Despite his stoic expression, I could see in the Captain’s glinting eyes that he was intrigued now. Maybe that was why he didn’t stop them, even when the crowd collectively flinched at the sound of Coran’s finger snapping as Wund bent it. Maybe that’s why he didn’t stop them when Coran flipped Wund over and slammed his head into the floor again and again and again.</p>
<p>“Hey, Coran. You win.” one Scout said, and murmurs of agreement flittered through the audience. Coran did not stop. Another Rookie, Alistair, tried to grab him, but Coran flung him off and sent him bowling backwards with a crash, continuing his crazed assault on the back of Wund’s head.</p>
<p>This was getting out of hand. There was blood on the floor. Wund’s eyes were sort of open but he certainly wasn’t conscious. Why wasn’t the Captain doing anything? Fuck it. If he wouldn’t, someone had to.</p>
<p>Adrenaline kicked in and almost automatically, I thoughtlessly threw myself at Coran. Despite my small stature, I was strong, and the unexpected force of my attack made him fall off Wund and scrape along the floor. Immediately he attempted to fight back, so I shoved his chin into the ground, twisting his arms behind his back and incapacitating him. I leant down so my mouth was close to his ear, and continued to hold him still as he struggled against my grip.</p>
<p>“Settle.” I said. “It’s over, you won. Now stop.”</p>
<p>As if a switch had been flicked, he went limp, making no movement except breathing heavily.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” He panted. “I didn’t - I just couldn’t stop, I - I’m sorry.” He sounded ready to cry, and I decided to trust him enough to let him up.</p>
<p>Wund was still on the floor, but he’d come around already, and appeared as if he would be OK. It was a lucky one. Still on my adrenaline high, I furiously spun towards the Captain.</p>
<p>“Why didn’t you do something?” I yelled incredulously. “Wund could’ve died!”</p>
<p>He shrugged nonchalantly. “Wanted to see what would happen. Now lower your voice, brat. You don’t get to yell at a <em>superior officer.</em>”</p>
<p>I scoffed, blown away by his insane arrogance and idiocy. He turned away to speak with Hange, and I took a step towards him but was pulled back by Alys.</p>
<p>“Don’t, (y/n).” She said soothingly, holding my arm steady. “Wund is alright, it really isn’t worth it. Come on, let’s go to bed.”</p>
<p>Still seething, I stalked after her as we returned to our barracks. After a quick shower, we sat on our beds facing each other. Alys had gone to the kitchens and brought back two hot cups of tea, and we sipped gladly. Tea always reminded me of my mother, and how she’d make it to ‘calm the nerves’ before bed if we’d had a particularly good or bad day. I sighed longingly into my teacup. Even after all this time, I still missed my parents. I still didn’t forgive the Scouts for ruining everything.</p>
<p>“So, that was quite some fight you put up against Coran. Never seen you move like that before.” Alys spoke carefully, and it was clear she knew this was risky territory. I stiffened or a moment, then shrugged it off.</p>
<p>“Guess it was a heat of the moment sort of thing.” I replied, trying to sound convincing.</p>
<p>Alys hummed. “It looked like you knew what you were doing. The others noticed it too. Heard people whispering about it.”</p>
<p>Well that was fucking brilliant.</p>
<p>“You know I’m not going to ask, because I never do.” Alys said, smiling kindly. “But you might want to be careful about what you say and do these next couple of days - else you’ll end up in Levi Squad for real.”</p>
<p>She looked away, then at her hands and breathed shakily. So that’s what this was about.</p>
<p>“Alys,” I began, then moved to her bed so I could hold her hand in mine. “You came 4th in our class. You’re the highest ranking Rookie. Nothing’s going to happen to you.”</p>
<p>“How can you know that?” She cried, exasperatedly. “(y/n), I wish I had your confidence, but I’m being thrown to the Titans with the rest of the Rookies. I’m in the vanguard for Wall’s sake! I don’t have the most experienced soldiers in the entire regiment looking out for me.”</p>
<p>The inside of my cheek hurt from chewing it so hard. I looked away from her, and pulled my hands back.</p>
<p>“Remember when I promised I’d look out for you?” I whispered, and she nodded. “That still stands. Levi Squad or no Levi Squad, if you need me I’m there. End of story.”</p>
<p>“The same goes on my end. End of story.” Alys replied, looking less worried. She pulled me into a hug and we leant back until we were lying together on her bed, my head on her chest and her hands stroking my hair the way my mother used to. We must’ve fallen asleep like that, because the next morning, I opened my eyes to find her still beneath me. I got up quietly, and we didn’t speak of it, or our fears for the expedition, again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After that, the weeks leading up to the expedition went by too quickly. I trained hard - sneaking in extra practice when no one was around so I could flex my real muscles without fear of being seen. Knowing that people were already suspicious due to my performance at the boxing match, I had to be particularly careful. As much as I hoped to avoid having to fight at all - Commander Erwin had explained my role as a field medic to me in more detail at my appraisal, and apparently I wasn’t to engage in fighting Titans unless it was absolutely necessary - I wanted to be prepared for the worst.</p>
<p>Everyone at base seemed quieter too. The weekend before the expedition we’d had our day off, but where last time the general atmosphere had been gleeful and excited, now it was poignant, as we returned home for what was quite possibly the last time. Luckily for me, the Captain was so caught up in preparations for the expedition that he rarely left Commander Erwin’s office, leaving him no time to follow me. In fact, I’d hardly seen him at all since the boxing match, and I wasn’t complaining.</p>
<p>After arriving in Mitras and haggling my way into as much food as I could afford, I ducked into an alleyway and used a staircase hidden behind a crumbling wall to descend Underground. I didn’t stay as long as I’d have liked, wanting to ensure I got to see everyone I needed to. I’d spent all morning at the markets, so I only had a few hours until I needed to be on a ferry back out of Sina if I wanted to be at base before curfew.</p>
<p>Nan seemed more worried than I did about the prospect of the expedition.</p>
<p>“You be careful out there.” and “You make sure you come back in one piece.” seemed to be all she was able to repeat as she continually pulled me into hugs and kissed my cheeks. I guess even down here news of the mortality rate in the Scout regiment was well known, and as far as she was concerned this was probably going to be our last meeting. I was expendable in the eyes of Erwin Smith, just as my father had been.</p>
<p>Saoirse and Kaz were equally inconsolable, though they managed to remain more imperturbable about it. They hugged me tightly when it was time for me to leave, and I planted small kisses in their hair, and then I was gone, waving as I wandered up the street.</p>
<p>The sun wasn’t even set when I got back to base. I could’ve spent more time with my family Underground, I knew that, but I couldn’t face it. It felt like I was attending my own funeral, the way they <em>mourned</em> me when I was sat right there. They assumed I was dead already. Maybe I was.</p>
<p>No. If I allowed those thoughts to get in, then I most certainly was a goner. I’d been in worse fixes before and got out relatively unscathed; this was just one more battle in the war to stay alive. It was a war I intended to win.</p>
<p>Plonking myself under the tree outside the Mess Hall, I decided I wanted to see the sky closer, and got to my feet again. I shimmied my way up the tree, clambering up and up until the branches would barely take my weight anymore, then sat on a high up branch, my legs dangling loosely. The leaves had turned a fiery red colour, and some were on the ground already, but it just added to the beauty of the sunset.</p>
<p>Sometimes I forgot how much I’d missed sunsets whilst Underground. The way the colours just poured over the sky, like a mess of trodden-up berries bleeding into one another, was the most euphoric reminder that I was alive. In a tree, wind blowing around my face, and a sunset flowing over me, I felt nothing short of alive. In fact, I felt immortal.</p>
<p>There was a sharp crack next to me, and by the time I’d registered the pistons embedded in the trunk of the tree, Captain Levi was stood next to me on the branch. He clipped his pistons back and (with <em>enviable</em> balance and grace) sat down, his ODM gear brushing my hip.</p>
<p>“What are you doing up here? And without ODM too.” He questioned, although his voice seemed less grumpy and cold than usual. Almost tired.</p>
<p>I hummed. “Wanted to see the sunset from a vantage point. Don’t know how many I’ve got left.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be dramatic, brat.” Captain Levi derided. “You won’t die, you’re on my Squad.”</p>
<p>“And your squad’s indestructible, right?” I sarcastically said, not taking my eyes away from the sky. This was not how I’d wanted to spend my evening.</p>
<p>Smugly, he replied, “Obviously. <em>I’m</em> leading it.”.</p>
<p>My angry resolve broke. I laughed then, a real laugh, and even Captain Levi chuckled slightly, to my surprise.</p>
<p>“And as for ODM gear,” I said when we’d fallen back to silence, “I don’t need it. Not to climb.”</p>
<p>“Right, they teach climbing at the same place they teach self defence and fighting in Mitras, huh?” He turned to look at me then, and I hardened my expression before tilting my head towards him too.</p>
<p>“Same MP who taught me to throw knives taught me to defend myself. There are some bad types in Mitras.” I spoke carefully, making sure my voice remained even. Captain Levi was like a dog sniffing for a bone when it came to lying, as I’d found out previously. “As for climbing, I grew up with Lord Helian’s grandsons, we climbed trees every time we were taken out of the city for trips.”</p>
<p>Captain Levi nodded, raising his eyebrows a little. He didn’t believe me, I knew it, but he clearly had no evidence to accuse me of lying, so he bided his time.</p>
<p>“You knew it was me who saw you throwing the knives.” He said it as a statement.</p>
<p>“Yes.” I replied. “Your office is the only place with a window that you can see the Med Wing back wall from. If you’re going to spy on me, at least be a <em>bit</em> more clever about it.”</p>
<p>“Tsk.” Was all the response I got. After a moment, he spoke again. “You know, you really should have your ODM gear on this high up.”</p>
<p>I raised an eyebrow. “Why?”</p>
<p>Without warning, he thumped me on the back, sending me flying forwards and off the branch. I tried in vain to grab at branches as I fell, but only ended up with handfuls of leaves and twigs. I was only seven or eight feet from the floor when I suddenly stopped moving, my body floating in midair.</p>
<p>Pressed against me, his arm wrapped around my back, was Captain Levi, his ODM gear in use to keep us suspended.</p>
<p>“<em>That’s</em> why. I think you’ve learnt your lesson, brat.” He grinned wickedly, a real smile for the first time, and slowly lowered us to the ground. Once my feet hit the floor, he tugged his pistons back and wandered away wordlessly.</p>
<p><em>What the fuck</em>, I thought to myself as I tried to rationalise the squirming feeling in my stomach as being due to the near death experience I’d just had, and definitely not being anything to do with the man who’d both caused and saved me from it.</p>
<p>it most certainly had nothing to do with him. <em>At all</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;33</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. The Expedition</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for 2000 hits!!<br/>Happy Valentine’s Day, and more importantly happy episode 9 day ;)<br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Here we go.</p>
<p>My cloak was wrapped around my shoulders, swishing in the wind as I rode my horse through the town towards Wall Maria. People had come out in droves to stand in the street and either watch in disgust or wave as we trotted past, a stern-faced army. Today was the day we left the walls.</p>
<p>Over the past two weeks, I’d become well acquainted with the people I was to shadow whilst we were outside. There was Eld, Captain Levi’s second, who was quiet but particularly wise. I could see why the Captain liked him - although he didn’t speak often, when he did it was almost always to offer some well-put perspective no one else had considered, or else he was teasing the other squad members in a friendly manner. Then there was Petra, a red headed woman I’d taken a particular liking to: she was funny, strong, fast, everything I liked in a fighter and a friend. Oluo was more irritating, desperate to be Captain Levi and living his life as a bad impersonation. One rendition of the Captain was easily enough for me, having two grumpy gits on my ass all the time was proving quite horrific.</p>
<p>Between the four of them, they were a lethal team. During training, I’d watched the way they moved with inhuman agility and speed - there were moments when I was almost jealous. I knew that if I tried, I could probably keep up with them, but they had real experience I’d yet to encounter. I wouldn’t have to wait long now.</p>
<p>The Levi Squad was to be positioned forward centre once we got outside, behind an advance guard, flanked by the left and right vanguards, and we’d pull away if engagement with Titans became necessary. Commander Smith had instructed me to stay to the Captain’s left, and ride in step with him to ensure I didn’t get separated from the Squad. Against my legs, I could feel the sturdy muscles of my horse flexing under the saddle, and I had no worries about riding fast - this beast was a quick one, I could tell. It was a cream colour, with dark socks, and I’d not named it. Petra told me not to. Apparently naming a horse meant being attached to it, and being attached to it meant it was more painful if it died.</p>
<p>“Oi. This is it. When we get out, I don’t want you wasting time ogling at the landscape.” Captain Levi said to me as we approached the final gate, his voice low. “Keep looking forward. Keep riding.”</p>
<p>I nodded sternly, my face stony and cold. When I was Underground, I had learned the hard way that emotions are a vulnerability, and vulnerability gets you killed. Because of that, I had a rule: when I was on a job, I locked it away, and I didn’t let it get to me until after. It was like a switch, I could just turn it off, stuff every feeling in a box to worry about later, and that was what I did right now.</p>
<p>The gate heaved open, painfully slowly, and the regiment began to dribble through, collecting in formation beyond. This was it, I was finally going to see what I’d been missing all my life.</p>
<p>Here we go.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Although the Captain had told me not to, I couldn’t help but take the odd glimpse of my surroundings. They were very green, with grass and trees stretching as far as my eye could see. Littered around were the distant dots of horses, being ridden by my comrades in their respective squads. With the emerald grass glinting in the hot sunlight, and the chatter of little birds collecting on tree branches, it was almost tranquil. Almost.</p>
<p>“Red flare, sir!” Petra called from behind me, and the Captain nodded curtly.</p>
<p>“Await a decision on a direction change.” He replied.</p>
<p>Moments later, the formation was curving in a new direction as outlined by the green flares smoking up the sky. This continued for an hour or so, riding onwards with the occasional smoke signal informing us of a change of plan, but then <em>it</em> happened.</p>
<p>“Titan, sir, 12 foot!” Oluo called, already clipping a flare into his pistol. “Should I shoot a red?”</p>
<p>I turned in the direction Oluo was looking. Ambling up ahead, its pattering feet pulling it out of the trees, was the tallest person I’d ever seen. No, not a person, it just looked like one. Killing this thing was not the same as killing another person, I told myself as I shook my head slightly and glued my eyes forward. If it didn’t look at its haunting, excited blue eyes and terrifyingly large jaw, hung open slackly, then I didn’t have to be afraid... right?</p>
<p>“No. It’s too close, we can’t turn in time. We need to engage.” The Captain shouted back. He turned to me. “Hang back, shoot a red. If anything happens, purple. Got it?”</p>
<p>I nodded resolutely, and grappled for my pistol, clipping a red flare in and shooting it upwards as I watched the squad gallop towards the creature. I thought I’d been afraid before in my life, I mean, I’d faced death more times than I could count, and I’d lived side by side with the worst of humanity for years. But this thing was not human, despite its outward appearance. I could see the glee in its eyes at the prospect of murdering the squad, I could see it salivating and stomping towards us, and I was afraid. Despite my best attempts to shove my fear into a box with the rest of my emotions, I was <em>afraid</em>.</p>
<p>The Titan smiled as it saw the squad approaching, leaning forward with its hands stretched out towards them like a joyful toddler, but the Scouts seemed unfazed as Captain Levi shot his ODM gear and swung up to the shoulder of the Titan, Petra on his heels. Together, they swept behind the monster, slicing a chunk from its neck, and taking several hunks of greasy blonde hair with it. The Titan collapsed to its knees, before face planting into the ground, dust blowing up into the air as it landed. Next thing I knew, the squad was surrounding me again, all returned to their horses.</p>
<p>“Is anyone injured?” I asked, feeling somewhat redundant in my role. These were seasoned fighters - they didn’t need a babysitter.</p>
<p>“We’re ok, thank you, (y/n).” Eld called, and we rode on in silence.</p>
<p>Everyone was OK. That’s what counted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Purple.” Oluo shouted. “Sir, it’s purple! Do we go?”</p>
<p>The Captain looked conflicted for a split second, before his stony eyes hardened.</p>
<p>“No. We have our orders, and the left vanguard is not our concern. The rear guard will cover them.” He called back, but as he spoke, more purple flares shot up, this time from behind us. Clearly the rear guard was already struggling with a Titan problem of their own.</p>
<p>Then I remembered: the left vanguard was where Alys was.</p>
<p>More purple flares erupted from the trees to the side of me.</p>
<p>I promised Alys I’d protect her.</p>
<p>“Sir, we have to engage.” My mouth moved without connecting to my brain.</p>
<p>“No.” He shouted back. “Commander Erwin wants us to stay on course. He hasn’t ordered us to change direction or engage.”</p>
<p>With every pop, the sky became hazier with purple smoke.</p>
<p>“They’re going to <em>die</em>!” I yelled. “The left vanguard is mostly Rookies!”</p>
<p>Captain Levi said nothing.</p>
<p>There was only one thought in my head as I pulled away from my squad in a mutiny I knew would probably get me killed, either down the mouth of a Titan or at the hands of the Captain if I made it back to base. I could hear him screaming for me to get back to my post. I ignored him. I wasn’t sure which would be the preferable way to die. I didn’t really care. I just needed to save my friend.</p>
<p><em>Alys</em>.</p>
<p>My heart pounding in time with the rapid hooves of my horse, I sped through the open landscape towards the trees that separated me from her. As I urged the horse onwards, faster, I tried to recall how many times I’d seen Alys kill Titans in training. I reminded myself that she was Top Ten. Then I remembered where we were. <em>None of that mattered</em>. Killing wooden Titans was not real, and Top Ten only meant shit if you wanted to be an MP. My stomach ached from flipping, and my heart was in my throat as I blasted into the clearing.</p>
<p>There were Titans everywhere, some only 8 or 9 foot, some as tall as 15 feet. It was like a playground; they skipped about, yanking helpless Scouts from their terrified and panicked horses, and devouring them whole. Those were the lucky ones. Others were being torn limb from limb, their blood splattering over the skin of the beasts, and the leaves of the trees, streaking them from a dying brown to a far too alive crimson. There must have been 30 or 40 people in these squads, and currently maybe 5 were still fighting for their lives. They were losing.</p>
<p>Frantically, I scanned the landscape for Alys’s light blonde hair, and cried out in relief when I saw her. She was swinging around a Titan, first slicing off its fingers, then going for the neck. As it dropped to the floor, she saw me, and dived for her horse. Kicking the sides of my horse, I hurtled in her direction. A Titan was waddling nearby, and noticed us. It was closer to her than it was to me. She shot her ODM gear up as I continued my mad dash to reach her.</p>
<p>I don’t remember exactly how it happened. One minute, Alys was in the air, wires tugging her in a carefully controlled swerve. The next, she was gone, crushed in the fist of a Titan. All I could see was her feet, limply dangling as her crumpled body was lifted to the mouth of the foul beast that had just stolen the life from her.</p>
<p>I don’t remember exactly how the next moments happened either. I couldn’t see, tears filling my eyes, but then anger took over, and I was wildly whipping around using my ODM, my blades slashing with crazed fury. I killed the Titan that had taken Alys from me, and then another, and another, and another as they catapulted themselves towards the chaos I’d created.</p>
<p><em>Fuck</em> the expedition. <em>Fuck</em> Commander Erwin. <em>Fuck</em> the Scouts. <em>Fuck</em> the stupid little Captain for not coming to help. <em>Fuck</em> pretending to be someone I’m not.</p>
<p>All I could concentrate on in that moment was that I’m a killer, and the Titans could eat my fucking metal. I was not going to stop until they were all dead.</p>
<p>My anger tore through my blood, boiling it and powering my muscles with a level of strength I’d never experienced before. It was like poison, seeping through me and into them, knocking their necks to the floor and sending them down with it.</p>
<p>And then there were none. I was surrounded by oversized corpses, my clothes and skin dyed red with blood. For a second, my mind was blank, and I felt like I was going to faint. I turned to my right, to the first Titan I’d killed. It’s palm was outstretched, and lying on it, as if she was simply asleep, was her body. <em>Alys</em>.</p>
<p>Stumbling like a drunkard, I dragged my exhausted feet towards her, dropping to my knees by her side. I stroked her face, pushing the sweaty hair off her forehead, but the blood that drenched my hands got in her hair, and made her look tainted, dirty. I stared at her numbly, pulling my hand back as if I’d been burnt.</p>
<p>“No. No, you’re not dead.” I shook her shoulder. “Alys, get up. We need to go.” I grasped her body, lifting it easily despite her being taller than me, and forced my feet to walk. “Wake up. Wake up now, damn you!” I screamed as my wobbling knees gave way and I fell to the floor again.</p>
<p>In the distance, blue and yellow flares were spattered across the horizon. We’d failed. Too many of us were dead. I longed to be part of that number. Soon I would be. The Scouts who remained would be returning to base now, retreating with their tails between their legs like the cowards they were. They’d abandoned the vanguard to their fates, and it was because of them that Alys was dead. I could feel the lump of pain in my throat rolling up to my mouth, but I refused to cry. Not here, when her body was still surrounded by those of her murderers. Let Captain Levi report that I broke formation and got myself killed. I simply didn’t give a shit anymore.</p>
<p>“Get up. We need to go. Now.”</p>
<p>Was I still talking to Alys? My body felt disconnected to my mind and I wasn’t sure. It wasn’t until arms were wrapped around me, lifting me to my feet that I realised I wasn’t here alone. Alys’s body was still clenched in my hands, but the uniformed person took her, lifted her over a horse, tied her there, then returned to me.</p>
<p>“You can’t die out here. She wouldn’t want that.” He said, taking my paralysed fingers in his and tugging me towards the horse. “Get on.”</p>
<p>I shook my head, my eyes still glazed over and staring blindly at the ground. “There’s more. There has to be. I need to kill them.” I whispered faintly, my voice croaky.</p>
<p>Rough hands clasped my face, and Captain Levi’s icy eyes melted my glare. “You killed all the ones here. Now we need to go. <em>Get on the horse</em>.”</p>
<p>There were hints of well-hidden desperation in his voice. Maybe he wasn’t unaffected by the deaths the way he seemed to be. Maybe he was just as scared as I was. Maybe we were both just good at pretending.</p>
<p>I swung my leg over the horse, and Captain Levi was sat behind me a moment later, each of us taking a stirrup. He wrapped his arms under mine, clasping at the reins, then urged his dark horse on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By the time we got back to Wall Maria, it was dark. The Garrison soldiers had let us through with an edge of awe in their voices.</p>
<p>“Captain Levi - you’re <em>alive</em>! The rest of the Scouts came through an hour ago, and we thought...”</p>
<p>He cut them off. “Shut up and let us through.”</p>
<p>They didn’t answer back, and not long after, we were at base. Someone in a medic’s uniform took Alys’s body, and I tried to follow them, but a hand clamped on my shoulder stopped me.</p>
<p>“You can see her in the morning, before they bury her. You need to get cleaned up.” Captain Levi said. I didn’t reply.</p>
<p>Commander Erwin walked over to us, his eyes betraying a surprise his face had stoically refused to show. He raised a thick eyebrow at Captain Levi questioningly, but the shorter man simply shook his head.</p>
<p>“Not now, Eyebrows.” he muttered. “She’s exhausted.”</p>
<p>“I should be arresting her for mutiny, you realise that?” Commander Erwin stated, his voice steady and unbothered.</p>
<p>“She killed somewhere between 12 and 16 Titans alone. I counted. Her friend is dead. I think she’s been punished enough.” The Captain defended. The Commander’s face gave in to shock then, and some level of kindness too. He motioned for me to pass by.</p>
<p>I didn’t need telling twice. My feet were like stone as I dragged myself to my barracks, but I couldn’t decide if it was due to enervation or despair.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. After The World Falls Apart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is an emotional one :(<br/>Hope you enjoy<br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(LEVI POV)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why did you go after her?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That was the question Erwin kept repeating as I stood in his office, trying to focus on his words and not the dust that I could practically <em>sense</em> on all the furniture around me. I guess it’s a nervous thing, to feel like things are dirty when I’m stressed; gives me something to take charge of. I never bothered to answer him. I was too tired to try and explain that I don’t leave my squad behind, that after what happened before I swore to never leave one of my own behind again.</p>
<p>Eventually, he gave up with his questioning, clearly equally as exhausted as I was, and dismissed me.</p>
<p>Once I was back in my own room, I worked quickly to peel my blood and dirt covered clothes off, stepping into the shower and just standing there, burning water pouring over my body. I watched the plughole as the crimson and brown water slowly cleared. I picked up a bar of soap and scrubbed every inch of my body until my skin hurt. I washed the day away, and with it, the memories.</p>
<p>Every expedition was the same: we lost people. It was an inevitable fact. But watching her, the way she dragged the corpse of her friend through the field, the way she held back her tears and bit down on her tongue, the way she snapped and killed all those Titans - it brought it all back. Isabelle and Furlan, my own failure, their deaths. All the <em>guilt</em>.</p>
<p>I dressed, just an old t shirt and slacks, and lay down on my bed. Why had I gone after her? I’d risked the rest of my squad by doing it, and they were the indisposable ones. The Mitras runt could be replaced - hell I’d been begging Eyebrows to remove her from my squad every day since he put her there. She was a liability, and I knew it. She’d proven it by running away today.</p>
<p>Or had she? Killing that many Titans, that was no adrenaline-fuelled feat, there was no way. No Mitras swordsmaster Lord Helian would be able to find could have taught her to fight like that. Maybe, in time, she could become an asset to my squad.</p>
<p>And if she was in my squad, she would not get left behind. However much I didn’t like her, however much her privilege and her attitude pissed me off, she was my responsibility.</p>
<p>Maybe that’s why I found myself minutes later walking into the women’s barracks, going to her room to check up on her. I knew which room it was: I’d seen her sneak out the window enough times. She slept upstairs, in the furthest room on the left, but when I reached the top of the stairs I noticed something by her door. A shadow. No. <em>Her</em>.</p>
<p>She was sat on the floor of the corridor, her arms resting on her knees, a wine bottle dangling in her hand, her eyes staring forwards lifelessly. She hadn’t changed, still coated from head to toe in dried up blood and dirt, except for trails down her face where her own tears had washed her skin clean.</p>
<p>“Why haven’t you washed yet?” I asked, my voice coming out angrier and more authoritative than I meant it to. “Get up, runt.” I said, softer this time, my favourite insult sounding almost like a term of endearment. Tsk.</p>
<p>There was no response. Not even a nod in my direction to acknowledge my presence. I tapped her leg with my boot, not wanting to touch her. I’d just got clean, and I wasn’t mentally prepared to get filthy again. Not tonight.</p>
<p>“Oi, you need to wash up and go to bed.” I tried again, tapping her with my foot a second time. Still nothing. I crouched down next to her, using a single fingertip to turn her face to look at me. Trying not to grimace as I pulled it away and saw it once again blanketed in a layer of dirt, I sighed. Her (y/ec) eyes, usually bright and shining, seemed dull like all the colour that was once in them had been stripped away. There were no tears falling, I guess she’d run out, but her cheeks and lips were still red and puffy from either crying, drinking or (most likely) both.</p>
<p>“Come on, you need sleep.” I whispered. She still didn’t reply. “For fucks sake brat, get up!” I growled, frustrated and stood up, grabbing her arm and yanking her up with me. I didn’t care about the dirt anymore. The brat was being difficult deliberately. Everyone here had lost people, she wasn’t special, when was she going to get that through her thick Mitras sku—</p>
<p>“I can’t go in.” She spoke so quietly I barely heard her. “She’s still there.”</p>
<p>Confused, I asked “What?”</p>
<p>(y/n) looked me in the eye, tears prickling again and her lip trembling. She took a shaky breath. “I shared with Alys. I can’t go in. I - she’s - I can’t.”</p>
<p>She dropped to the floor again, her hand pressed over her mouth to silence her sobs. Shit, I was such a bastard. Of course she wouldn’t go in. I’d seriously just tried to send her to sleep with the ghost of her friend stood over her.</p>
<p>She was in my squad, and she was my responsibility. That’s why I did what I did.</p>
<p>“Come with me, then.” The words left my mouth without a thought, and I took her arms, more gently this time. She stood up, her legs wobbling, and I walked her back to my rooms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>(Y/N POV)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I was too tired to argue with him, and I let him pull me towards his own room. Once we were there, he left me stood in the middle of his bedroom whilst he went into his bathroom. I could hear taps running, and the sound of water filling up a tin bathtub. A few long minutes later, he reappeared.</p>
<p>“Come on.” he said, nodding for me to join him in the bathroom. Sluggishly, I dragged my numb feet towards him.</p>
<p>His bathroom was nicer than the shared ones in the Shower Block. It was lit by a few candles, but everything was shiny and clean and smelled like citrus. On any other occasion, this detail would have probably amused me, but not now. Captain Levi removed my Scout jacket, and began undoing the straps of my harness, nimbly tugging them away from my upper body.</p>
<p>“Do you want to do the rest?” he asked. It took all the energy I had simply to shake my head. “Is it OK if I do it?” he continued. I gave the tiniest nod. He bent down, undoing the straps from my thighs and removing the harness completely, letting it clatter to the floor loudly. I watched as flecks of dried blood dropped off it onto his pristine floor.</p>
<p>“Don’t look at it. I’ll deal with it.” he muttered, touching my face to get my attention back. “I’m going to take your clothes off now, to help you get clean. Is that OK?”</p>
<p>I hummed quietly, giving my permission. It’s not like he hadn’t seen me without clothes on before, when he was fixing my ribs. That felt like a lifetime ago, despite only being a few weeks. It was all the lifetime Alys had got.</p>
<p>I swallowed hard, willing myself not the think about it. I’d cried all night and I had nothing in me left. What I needed to do now was sleep, and then mourn her in the morning when I could see her one last time to say goodbye.</p>
<p>Captain Levi undid the top buttons of my shirt before pulling it up and over my head. He stood back for a minute, letting me undo the buttons of my trousers and slide them down my legs. His eyes stopped on the thick scar that ran over my hip, but he didn’t ask. I wouldn’t have answered. I got in the bath then, my underwear clinging to my body as the material was submerged in the hot water.</p>
<p>Slowly, gently, Captain Levi wiped each part of my body down, covering me in soap until the bath water was a bloody brown, then he pulled the plug and turned on the shower. He let me sit beneath the running water whilst he took my clothes away, and cleaned the floor where they had been. By the time he came over to me again, it was as if it had never happened. Every physical memory I had was down a plughole now.</p>
<p>He switched the shower off, helping me out of the tub and wrapping me in a towel.</p>
<p>“I went to your room, got you something to sleep in.” he said. “I’ll leave you to change.”</p>
<p>After removing my wet underwear and discarding it on his floor, I pulled the T-shirt and shorts he’d brought from my room onto my dried off body. Even this simple movement had me breathless, the grief like treacle surrounding me, making every action almost impossibly heavy.</p>
<p>The Captain was sat on his couch when I opened the bathroom door and stepped back into his room. Immediately he stood up and walked me to his bed, pulling the covers back for me to collapse onto the mattress. My muscles screamed as I lay down, and I didn’t know if they were rejoicing at being allowed rest, or crying out in pain for what I’d put them through. I don't think I really cared.</p>
<p>“Now, sleep.” Captain Levi said, and he moved towards the couch again. With an urgency I’d not realised I had the energy for, I grabbed his wrist.</p>
<p>“Please don’t go.” I whispered, my voice shaking as I tried weakly to pull him back to the bed. His eyebrows furrowed uncertainly. For a moment I thought he was going to shake me off, call me a brat and leave despite my pathetic wallowing. He was my superior officer, and he’d already overstepped boundaries for my benefit several times today. I couldn’t have blamed him if he’d walked away now.</p>
<p>But he didn’t.</p>
<p>Slowly, hesitantly, he sat himself on the bed next to me, his shoulders leaning against the headboard. I curled into his side, the feeling of his body rising and falling as he breathed - some beautiful intricacy of life that Alys was no longer privy to - working as a calming entity that sent me into the oblivion of sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>(LEVI POV)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>(y/n) fell asleep in seconds.</p>
<p>I wasn’t surprised, she must have been exhausted. Hell knows I was too, although I wasn’t sure how much sleep I’d be getting like this. I only had maybe an inch on her height wise, but tucked up against me she looked so small. I let my arm rest over her, bent around her back, my hand on her shoulder. At this, she sighed and tried to push herself even closer to me, like that was possible.</p>
<p>It must’ve been maybe two hours later when my dozing was interrupted by a sharp knee jabbing against my leg. She cried out, her arm punching and narrowly missing my jaw.</p>
<p>“Hey. Brat.” I whispered, shaking her shoulder. She continued in her nightmare. I put my hand on the back of her head, rolling over so she was on her back underneath me and I could pin her wrists above her head with my other hand. “Wake up, (y/n). You’re alright.”</p>
<p>Her eyes shot open with a yelp, and she panted as she took in her surroundings and remembered where she was.</p>
<p>“Levi?” she mumbled, as if she thought she might still be dreaming. Not even registering that she’d used just my first name, like we were friends, I let go of her wrists and moved off her, so I was sat next to her again. She sat up. “It felt so real.” she croaked, holding back tears again.</p>
<p>“I know. It gets better.” I said, surprising myself. I didn’t talk about my dreams, not even to Hange or Eyebrows. It was too personal. “You still get them, but they don’t hurt so much.”</p>
<p>(y/n) nodded, biting her lip and swallowing. She cleared her throat, then turned to me.</p>
<p>“Did you lose someone too?” she asked, her (y/hc) hair falling into her wet eyes. I lifted my hand and brushed it away from her face.</p>
<p>“Yes.” I responded. She didn’t push any further, and I was thankful for that. Instead, she just looked at me - <em>through</em> me - like she knew exactly what it felt like to be me. It was stupid, there was no way in hell a Mitras brat could understand the shit I’d experienced, the things I’d done to survive. And yet, there was something behind her eyes that just seemed to reflect every damned fibre of my being. She was grieving in a way I’d not seen since I lost Isabelle and Furlan, since I lost my Mother.</p>
<p>She blinked, and in breaking away from her eyes I found myself looking at her lips, then I felt them, the pad of my thumb tracing her bottom lip. She sighed minutely, her hot breath flush against my skin, and I kissed her.</p>
<p>It took me a moment to realise what I was doing. Kissing someone. Not just someone, my own squad member, to whom I was superior officer. And to top it all off, the Mitras brat I’d sworn to hate since the moment she got here. <em>Fuck</em>.</p>
<p>I pulled back. “I’m sorry. I - you’re upset. I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry.” I spluttered as I stood up. My voice didn’t even sound like mine, it seemed unsure and distant, and I felt like an idiot.</p>
<p>It had been a long day for both of us, and we were tired, and still dealing with the comedown of adrenaline that comes with almost dying. That was all. It was a mistake. We would forget it.</p>
<p>“It’s OK.” she smiled half-heartedly, like there was some sort of joke I wasn’t getting. “It’s not like it’s the first time you’ve done that.”</p>
<p>What? I had no idea what she was talking about. Clearly my perplexity was evident on my face, because she continued.</p>
<p>“When you were drunk, outside the Mess Hall? You caught me —”</p>
<p>“After you snuck out.” I finished, as the bleary memory came back to me. She’d been crying then, too. Maybe I was making a habit of this. I sat on the very corner of the bed, not wanting to be too close to her. It felt... wrong, even more so than it had before.</p>
<p>“I never told Alys.” (y/n) said, a sad smile perched on her lips. “She’d have found it so funny.”</p>
<p>At this, (y/n) dissolved into tears again, whilst simultaneously giggling manically.</p>
<p>“Why?” I asked, as she rolled on the bed, choking between laughs and sobs.</p>
<p>“Because I can’t stand you.” She was practically squealing with tortured laughter, her emotions getting the better of her as she cried and chuckled. I broke then too, a small smirk tugging at my lips as I lay down next to her. She turned over, quiet again and breathing shakily, lying on her left whilst I lay on my right, facing each other. I wiped the tears from her face before replying.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, brat. It’s mutual.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Slightly less Levi and more plot in this one, but don’t worry he’s back next chapter ;)<br/>Thank you to everyone for so much love on this, it’s been keeping me sane in lockdown!<br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He was gone when I woke up the next morning. I hadn’t expected him to be here - everything that happened yesterday felt like a fever dream, from curling up in his arms to kissing him, from riding out on my horse in the morning to... that.</p>
<p>I needed to see her. I needed to apologise. I’d never really believed in ghosts or an afterlife, but if there was any chance some part of her was still out there I needed her to know how sorry I was that I’d failed. That I was wrong.</p>
<p>Folded neatly over a chair were clothes that appeared to be mine, and I threw them on haphazardly. My harness wasn’t here, but I figured I wouldn’t be needing it today. There was never training the day after an expedition, that’s what I’d been told. There was a bread roll sat on a small plate on the bedside table, with a folded piece of paper.</p>
<p>
  <em>‘I know you won’t want to, but eat. Else I’ll make you. - L’</em>
</p>
<p>He was right, I really didn’t want to eat. Some foul mixture of guilt, regret and exhaustion was clenching my stomach and twisting it tightly, and just looking at the roll made me want to puke, but after everything he’d done for me yesterday, I owed it to him to follow his orders this time. I nibbled at the bread as I opened his bedroom door and darted through his empty office.</p>
<p>Cracking the door open slightly, I peeked through onto the corridor. Empty. Good. I wasn’t in the mood to be questioned about why I was leaving the Captain’s quarters. I wasn’t sure I’d even be able to give an answer.</p>
<p>Soon enough, I’d skirted down the stairs and left the Office Block, and was on my way to the Med Wing, where I knew they’d be keeping her body until tonight, when everyone we’d lost would be returned to their families for a final goodbye. As I entered, the nurses gave me sympathetic smiles. I realised they must be quite used to seeing us mourning or dead, as I noticed several of my comrades stood around, being led to one corpse or another.</p>
<p>A nurse approached me. “Who are you looking for?” she asked kindly.</p>
<p>“Alys Drill.” I stated, my voice already thick with emotion. I cursed myself for allowing it to be this way: I was supposed to stay detached. I wasn’t supposed to <em>care</em>.</p>
<p>The nurse nodded and led me through the hallway to a room of bodies, all covered with thin sheets. She checked the name tags, then pulled a sheet back to reveal Alys, her blonde hair neatly framing her peaceful face. She was still beautiful, but she looked cold and stiff. She wasn’t <em> Alys </em>anymore. There was no colour in her cheeks, or smile etched on her mouth. This body wasn’t my friend.</p>
<p>Everything I’d planned to say, all my badly worded apologies and pleads for forgiveness, drained away. Nothing I could say would reverse this. Death was a suit of armour that my words would ricochet off without even leaving a dent. I could fight a lot of things, but death wasn’t one of them.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. This was a mistake.” I muttered to the nurse as I stormed out of the Med Wing, my breath caught in my chest as I heaved to fill my lungs with air and empty my stomach of its contents at the same time. I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand, the acidic taste of vomit stinging the inside of my cheeks.</p>
<p>“Private (y/ln), can I speak with you for a moment?” Commander Erwin appeared next to me and said. I nodded, uncertainly, and followed him as he led me back to the Office Blocks. Did he know I’d been here last night? Was he mad?</p>
<p>We entered his office, and as he sat I remembered I was yet to salute, so I did it now for fear of insulting him. If I was on his bad side, it couldn’t hurt to show basic respect.</p>
<p>“Sit.” he said, and I did so. “I feel like we’ve been here before.” he continued, laughing softly.</p>
<p>“Yes, sir.” I replied quietly.</p>
<p>“So, you have an issue with how I organise my forces?” His voice was harder now, harsher.</p>
<p>I shook my head. “No, sir, I just -”</p>
<p>“You just thought risking the entire mission was worth one life. Is that right?” he interrupted, and I stalled.</p>
<p>I wanted to scream <em>yes</em>, yes I did value Alys over his stupid mission. Of course I valued her life over the goals of a man I despised, and the furthering of a race who’d never given a shit about me. Why should I care if humanity drowns in their own misfortune? They’d left me to rot, and now Alys too. It was their turn. I wanted to shout in his face that I’m selfish, and that I would have killed the <em>entire fucking regiment</em> if it had kept Alys alive, because that’s who I am. But I couldn’t say that, because Alys wasn’t the only life on my conscience. I had Nan and Kaz and Saoirse and the rest of my employees whose survival relied on my position here.</p>
<p>So, instead of saying what I really wanted to say, I said nothing.</p>
<p>“Private (y/ln), no one life is worth more than humanity. If you wish to survive as a Scout, you have to understand that.” Commander Erwin said, enunciating slowly like I was dumb. “I’m sure you wish to grieve, so we’ll leave it at that this time. There had better not be a <em>next</em> time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was later when I finally found it within myself to go to the Mess Hall and be around people again. For most of the day, I’d hidden in the woods where we train in Titan killing, sat at the base of a colossal tree and just letting time pass around me. The sun began to set, and a cold wind whistled through the forest, so I dragged myself back towards base. My stomach rumbled slightly, and I remembered that seeing as I’d thrown up the roll he’d left for me, I’d not eaten since the evening before the expedition.</p>
<p>I’d been referring to him as ‘him’ or ‘he’ in my head all day. I couldn’t figure out what I was supposed to call him. ‘Captain’ seemed the most obvious, but were we past titles now? I knew his friends, like Miche and Hange, called him Levi, but I didn’t think we were friends. Not really. He didn’t trust me, and I didn’t trust him. We shared a mutual dislike for each other, and clashed constantly. Yet I’d spent the prior night in his bed, feeling him snake his arms around me and pull me tighter to his chest once he thought I’d fallen back to sleep after my nightmare. I wondered if friends were supposed to act that way, remembering how he’d stroked my hair, his breath tickling my scalp as he held me close to him, as if I was something fragile he was trying to protect. The whole situation was a <em>mess</em>.</p>
<p>Which is why I almost swore when Moblit took my hand and solemnly pulled me over to sit with him upon my entry to the Mess Hall, muttering a quiet apology for my loss. I returned the sentiment, not knowing if he’d lost anyone specifically, but knowing he’d inevitably be missing an acquaintance or two.</p>
<p>Also at the table was Section Commanders Hange and Miche, Commander Erwin and <em>Him</em>. It felt wrong to be sat here, brushing shoulders with command. Surely they needed to discuss the expedition without a green Private like me listening in?</p>
<p>“How are you faring?” Moblit asked as we sat down.</p>
<p>“I’m ok.” I replied. “I should go, you’ve got things to do, and -”</p>
<p>“No, stay.” Captain Levi said authoritatively. Now that I was sat with the rest of my superiors, the title suddenly felt very appropriate again. “Have you eaten yet today?”</p>
<p>His steely eyes narrowed slightly, and I knew the words were charged. The bread. He wanted to know if I’d followed his instructions or not.</p>
<p>“I tried.” I said honestly. “But I couldn’t keep anything down.”</p>
<p>Wordlessly, the Captain stood and walked over to the food counter.</p>
<p>“Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Hange asked, rubbing their glasses as if they’d steamed up. “Is Shorty doing a good deed?”</p>
<p>Miche chuckled. “You know what he’s like when it comes to his squad. Remember last year when Eld fractured his wrist? He cleaned the poor man’s room three times daily.”</p>
<p>The table laughed at this anecdote, and I smiled minutely.</p>
<p>“I really feel like I’m interrupting, I should go.” I repeated, but this time Hange stopped me.</p>
<p>“No, I have a few questions for you.” they said, leaning towards me with such volition I almost leant backwards instinctively. “You’re a Private, you see things us higher ups can’t.”</p>
<p>“What am I supposed to be looking for?” I asked uncertainly. The thought of spying on my comrades was not one I was comfortable with. It seemed far too much like a step backwards, and anything that could link me to my Underground persona was inevitably dangerous.</p>
<p>Hange paused, then leaned in further. “Someone’s been stealing from the Med Wing. Over the past couple weeks, they’ve noticed less stock than they had in their records. We’d like to know who it was.”</p>
<p><em>Fuck</em>. Solidifying my expression, putting on a poker face I’d perfected years ago, I hummed as if in thought.</p>
<p>“I can’t think of anyone who’d want to steal <em>bandages</em> of all things.” I laughed lightly.</p>
<p>Hange leant back slightly, excitement in their eyes. “That’s the thing - it wasn’t just bandages, it’s all sorts of stuff! Some of it was pretty valuable too. Captain Grumpy reckons its being sold on the Black Markets.”</p>
<p><em>Shit</em>. This just got worse and worse. If Captain Levi knew someone had been stealing medical supplies and sneaking them off base, it wasn’t a far throw to link me and my frequent escapades to the crime.</p>
<p>“Wow, that would be pretty bad.” I said. “Who would do something like that? I mean, stealing is one thing, but stealing to sell? That’s horrendous.” I faked indignation, as if I was appalled at such a crime being committed. Internally I was irritated - if the Military cared so much about their medical supplies being stolen, why didn’t they make sure there was enough affordable care for everyone in the first place?</p>
<p>Hange nodded, but before they could speak again, the Captain came back, placing a tray of food in front of me. I looked up at him and thanked him, but the only response I got was a small ‘Tsk’ as he sat back down. Miche and Erwin began discussing formations then, and the conversation turned back to the expedition. I didn’t say anything else, just ate in silence, trying not to concentrate on the feeling of gnawing guilt growling in my stomach once more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The night drew in and exhaustion lulled my body once more. I still hadn’t braved going back to my room, but I knew putting it off wouldn’t help anything, so after finishing my meal I rose from the table and left, giving Moblit a meek smile as I walked away. My barracks seemed quieter, lonelier, darker. The stairs creaked like a scream, and for a moment I stopped, thinking I might have to puke for the second time today.</p>
<p>Deep breaths (y/n), I thought to myself, and slowly pulled it together. I stood outside the door to our room. My room, now. My hand shook as I placed it on the door handle and opened it.</p>
<p>It was silent, and this lack of noise hung in the air like an all-consuming vacuum. Is this what Alys was now? If silence was an absence of noise, and death was an absence of life, what were we in absence of each other? Taking another shaky breath, I stepped into the room.</p>
<p>Her things were just how she’d left them, slightly messy and disorganised. She’d never had time for tidying - said it was pointless if things would just get messy again anyway. Her bed was unmade, the sheets crumpled and the markings of her body still pressed into the mattress. I touched the blanket, inhaling the smell of her and coughing it out. It was bitter now, when I knew she’d never smell this way again. She didn’t exist beyond memories now.</p>
<p>“Oh, Alys,” I whispered, feeling somehow closer to her here than I had when I saw her body. This is who she was. Her essence lived in the trinkets she kept on the drawers, in the tangled up bedsheets, in the pile of unwashed clothes on the floor. But she didn’t live. She was gone.</p>
<p>I made the bed. I took the clothes to the laundry room and dumped them there. I dusted all her little snuff boxes and ornaments and put them in a box. I took the books she used to read off the shelf and dropped them back to the communal book bin. I waited by the Med Wing until they started to bring the bodies out, ready to be transported home, and gave the box of Alys’s things to the rider who’d be dropping the corpses to their families. Let her family keep her alive in a place between their memories and her things. As far as I was concerned, when you’re gone it’s forever.</p>
<p>“Goodbye, my friend.” I uttered almost inaudibly as I watched them ride away. She was gone. <em>Forever</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey :) I have a TikTok now if ya wanna follow me there, it’s @yoronan<br/>Hope you like the chapter <br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oi, you alright?” Captain Levi said, coming up behind me and standing by my side.</p>
<p>I nodded. “Yes, thank you sir. Just seeing her off. One last time.”</p>
<p>He grunted, like there was nothing more to say. He was right, she was gone and it was over.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to call me that, you know.” he said, and I raised an eyebrow at him confused. He continued, “‘Sir’, ‘Captain’, all that. Not when we’re alone.”</p>
<p>“OK.” I replied. “Levi.”</p>
<p>“(y/n).” he answered, a half smile quirking his lips. “You going to bed?”</p>
<p>I shook my head. I was shattered, but sleep was the furthest thing from my mind. Every time I closed my eyes, even to blink, I got snippets of the nightmares I knew would come the moment I let my head hit a pillow. I had no intention of sleeping unless I literally dropped.</p>
<p>“I know a place, not far from here. It’s nice when it’s clear.” Levi said, glancing sideways at me. “We could go.”</p>
<p>“And break curfew?” I asked sarcastically. “Are you trying to get me into trouble?”</p>
<p>His stony glare was aimed my way. “Just a suggestion, brat.”</p>
<p>Turning away from me, so all I could see in the late evening moonlight was the hair that hung over his undercut swaying in the breeze, he started to stalk off. I followed him, walking speedily to catch up, and slotted my hand into his.</p>
<p>“I was joking. Maybe Hange’s onto something, calling you Captain Grumpy.” I laughed, pretending not to notice as he looked at our touching hands and moved his fingers so they were twined around mine.</p>
<p>“Hange’s an idiot.” he scoffed, still looking angry despite himself.</p>
<p>“Fine. Let’s make a deal.” I said, and he raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “I’ll call you Levi if you call me (y/n). You call me brat and I’m jumping back onto the Captain Grumpy train.”</p>
<p>Levi mulled this over for a moment. “Tsk. Whatever, (y/n).”</p>
<p>I smirked. I’d <em>won</em>.</p>
<p>He led me through the woods until we ended up in a clearing. It was a meadow, alive with long grass and thin wildflowers and chattering bugs, and the lack of trees meant the stars shone brightly overhead.</p>
<p>“Wow,” I breathed. “It’s beautiful.”</p>
<p>“When I first joined the Scouts, I liked to come out here at night. See the sky.” He wasn’t looking at me. His head was tilted upwards, his eyes glued to the shining stars that twinkled above us. In the dim light, the angles of his face weren’t as harsh, and his seemingly permanent scowl was less defined. If I didn’t know better, I’d have said he looked relaxed.</p>
<p>Removing my jacket and placing it on the grass to keep my trousers from getting wet with dew, I sat down, and Levi followed suit.</p>
<p>“I’m going to ask you something.” he said, his words slow and calculated. “And I’m only going to ask once. Where are you from?”</p>
<p>“Mitras.” I answered without a beat, my lie entirely ingrained within me now.</p>
<p>He shook his head. “I don’t believe you.”</p>
<p>“I know.” I replied. “But whether you believe me or not changes nothing.”</p>
<p>His sharp, dark eyebrow raised. He shuffled closer to me, so that he was knelt over me with his knees on either side of my thighs, his eyes boring into mine.</p>
<p>“The rumours about me being from the Underground.” he spoke quietly, like the calm that comes before the worst storms. “They’re true.”</p>
<p>“I know.” I repeated. I’d heard the stories - that he was a thug Underground but he’d been reformed and was now Commander Erwin’s most trusted confidant. Even before I’d been told, I’d suspected. That was the problem with the Underground: it stank, and it was the kind of stench you’d never be rid of. It might not be noticeable to anyone else, but to each other, it was unignorable.</p>
<p>“Where did you get your scars?” Levi asked.</p>
<p>I shrugged. “Children hurt themselves sometimes. They fall. They fight.”</p>
<p>He shook his head, moving backwards off me.</p>
<p>“Not like that. I know scars like that.” He turned his back on me and lifted his shirt slightly, exposing a thick ridge of scar tissue stretching from his side and over his spine. “Look familiar?”</p>
<p>I couldn’t speak. I knew that anything I said now would be twisted and used against me. Levi knew I was lying, and for once I didn’t really care. He’d never openly accuse me of what he was trying to suggest - he knew too well what the consequences of that would be. But still, to admit to it was something I’d sworn I wasn’t going to do. Especially not to him.</p>
<p>Getting to my feet, I tugged my jacket back onto my shoulders.</p>
<p>“I’m going to bed.” I muttered, whisking away, but he was faster than I was. Even when I sprinted full pelt he managed to catch up and tackle me to the ground. I fought and struggled, but it was useless; this was simply another one of his tests. He wanted to see if I would use dirty techniques to throw him off, but I wasn’t giving him the satisfaction. Instead, I just writhed and wriggled until I was lying on my back, my hands pinned above my head and the weight of his body holding me on the ground.</p>
<p>“Settle.” Levi whispered, and I did. “I said I wouldn’t ask again, and I won’t. But don’t think for a second I’m not watching you.”</p>
<p>I smirked. “You know, in another context that might have been a compliment, that you <em>can’t take your eyes off me</em>.”</p>
<p>His eyes flickered to my lips and his grip loosened for a split second, but that was all the time I needed to plant my mouth on his, then shove him off and keep running. No footsteps followed mine. I smiled, self-satisfied.</p>
<p>Two could play at this game.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Weeks rolled past, and the cold weather worsened. December was fast approaching, and with it, another blessed day off. I’d not been able to visit Nan since before the expedition, and thanks to the threat of Levi’s irritatingly watchful eyes lingering over me at all times I’d only managed to get one letter to Ignat, simply stating I was alive.</p>
<p>So, as I boarded the ferry to Mitras in the morning, I was glowing. I knew Levi was here somewhere, and I didn’t care. After the last time he’d done this, I was confident I could lose him in the city. If he headed Underground to try and catch me there, he’d be looking for a long time. (y/n) (y/ln) knew her way around.</p>
<p>The city was as busy as ever. People were bustling about, and the streets were alive with the calls of market sellers and civilians making offers on food. I could feel Levi’s gaze on the back of my head, the hairs on my neck prickling as I remembered the last kiss we’d shared. He’d barely spoken a word to me since, avoiding any real conversation with me like the plague. I half hoped I’d made him uncomfortable enough to simply leave me alone, but I knew those hopes were fruitless: after the catastrophic failure of our last expedition, Commander Erwin had been strategising like a madman in preparation for the next one, whenever that may be. I could count on one hand how many times I’d seen Levi without a mountain of paperwork surrounding him in the past three weeks. In fact, I could count on two fingers.</p>
<p>A thought struck me then, and I bit back a smirk. Couldn’t let my game face slip in Mitras, I knew better than that. Still though, no use in having a game face if you didn’t <em>occasionally</em> play the game. I ducked and dived through side streets, heading towards a small shop I’d only deigned to enter once before to spy on the wife of a Lord. It was the sort of shop any normal person wouldn’t want to be seen in. But no normal person had a short-arse shadow creeping after them through the streets.</p>
<p>The front of the shop was a silk curtain, which I pushed aside to let myself in. Silk was a good descriptor for most things within too - brassieres, slip dresses, underwear of all sorts. Hell, they’d probably make a cravat for the Captain if I payed well enough. This thought made me chortle internally as I tiptoed through the dimly lit shop.</p>
<p>“Can I help you?” asked a very beautiful woman, who was sat behind a little desk sewing. She must be the owner.</p>
<p>I shook my head. “Oh no, just browsing today. Thank you.”</p>
<p>She smiled, and went back to her sewing.</p>
<p>“Actually, do you happen to have a back exit?” I queried. She raised a sleek eyebrow.</p>
<p>“Are you being followed? Women often come here to avoid the street rats.”</p>
<p>“Yes.” I nodded. “I am.”</p>
<p>She stood, and motioned for me to follow her as she led me to the back of her shop, lifting the maroon flap of silk and allowing me to crawl out.</p>
<p>“Come back soon!” She laughed elegantly and winked as I slipped away. Her shop backed onto the Wharf, which was perfect. It was far too busy here to see anything, never mind follow someone. Or so I thought.</p>
<p>Something was still prickling on my nerves. I was still being watched.</p>
<p>I looped back around to the Square, where I knew Ignat would be waiting for me. Glancing about, I caught sight of him browsing at a jewellery stall, acting inconspicuously. Darting around the rush of people jostling about, I made my way towards him, until a hand wrapped around my arm and pulled me back. I was dragged to the front of a bar and shoved down into a seat outside.</p>
<p>Sat opposite me was Nile Dok.</p>
<p><em>Fuck</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve been looking for you.” he smiled insidiously, his fox-like eyes sharp and glinting. “You’re quite elusive. Erwin wouldn’t let me drop in to say hello.”</p>
<p>Erwin? Did Dok know something, and more importantly had he passed it on?</p>
<p>“You know, Private (y/ln), I’m just intrigued as to why a soldier as equipped as you would choose the Scouts over the Military Police.”</p>
<p>I exhaled the breath I hadn’t even realised I was holding as inside my head I screamed in relief. He was pissed off I’d picked the Scouts. He didn’t have a fucking clue who he was speaking to.</p>
<p>“I wasn’t Top Ten, sir.” I answered politely, trying to appear less prickly and standoffish as I had been originally. Dok poured me a drink from a wine bottle that had been delivered to our table s we spoke.</p>
<p>“You should’ve been, from what I heard.” Dok grinned, his teeth slightly yellowed. “Killed 12 Titans all alone, that’s what Erwin told the Council at the report meeting. And those were just confirmed kills. How did you manage to stay off my radar?”</p>
<p>I swirled the wine in my glass before taking a long sip. “I don’t know, sir.”</p>
<p>Dok slammed his fist onto the small wooden table, and everything on it shook. His demeanour changed entirely.</p>
<p>“Bullshit.” he seethed, and I grimaced at the vile smell of his breath. “Why didn’t you want us to know how good a fighter you are? Is it because of where you come from?”</p>
<p>My eyes widened slightly, and I cursed myself for it. I knew he’d seen it too.</p>
<p>“That’s right. I know <em>exactly</em> who you are, bitch.”</p>
<p>Shit. Everything I’d done, just to lose now? It wasn’t <em>fair</em>. I nearly laughed at that thought, in spite of myself. I knew full well that life wasn’t fucking fair. I just thought I might have won this time.</p>
<p>“And, you know what? I think I might tell everyone else too.” Dok cackled to himself. “The military deserve to know who their comrade is.”</p>
<p>Fuck. Fuck. <em>Fuck</em>.</p>
<p>“You won’t say shit, Dok.” Never in my life had I been more relieved to hear to growling tones of Captain Levi. He was stood beside me, clearly having overcome the little trap I set for him.</p>
<p>“Really, Levi? You’re OK to be fighting with the bastard of one of our country’s most influential men?” Dok barked out another laugh. “Given your history, I’d have thought different.”</p>
<p><em>Of course</em>. Dok must’ve stolen my file, the one with Lord Helian’s handwritten request for my admission to the military. The one that stated I’d been hidden in Mitras my entire life, living a life of total luxury. The sort of note that gets you protection in a corrupt military like this.</p>
<p>“Oh, I can’t stand the runt.” Levi said nonchalantly, flicking at his fingernail. “But she’s got Zackly on side. He’d have your guts if you told anyone. No more command, no more work at all most likely. He might even have you arrested. Is that what you want, Dok?”</p>
<p>Dok glanced from Levi to me and back again, teeth clenched. He’d lost and he knew it.</p>
<p>“Keep the stupid girl then. I look forward to watching them wheel her corpse back to her father.”</p>
<p>With that, Dok rose from his stool and stormed away defeated.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” I said breathlessly. Levi nodded.</p>
<p>“Go home, (y/n). I need to go back to base, speak to Erwin.” he replied, and I could see in his eyes that this was permission: I had his permission to live my double life unchecked.</p>
<p>Without another word, he left, and I made my way to the gate that would lead me Underground.</p>
<p>Go home? Don’t have to tell me twice.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. A Good Deed, A Bad Deed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m back at school now, so I might not be able to update as often :( <br/>Hope you enjoy this one!!<br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;33</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It took me all of fifteen minutes to wind through the alley-like streets of the Underground and get to my house. I let myself in, armed with a sack full of food for Nan. I’d caught up with Ignat before I left the Square, and he told me she’d been worried sick about me. Apparently Kaz had caught her crying after he delivered the news that I’d survived the expedition. To know she cared for me so much was comforting, and although I knew words would always fail me if I tried to explain that I returned the sentiment, I was also well aware that she understood my comfortable silence.</p>
<p>“Nan.” I smiled as she hobbled out of the kitchen towards me, her frail arms outstretched. She pulled me into a tight hug, and then took the food from me to stack up in the cupboards. I followed her.</p>
<p>“You’re alive then.” Nan said.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“I’m glad.” She looked up at me, the wrinkles embroidered into her face tightening into a smile, as if someone had pulled a string. Half her teeth were missing, and those that remained had gone yellow or cracked, but to see Nan truly smile was such a rare and beautiful occurrence that I didn’t care at all.</p>
<p>I stuck my hand into my pocket, feeling suddenly awkward. For a moment I was almost jealous of Commander Erwin. For all his faults, the man was never at a loss for words.</p>
<p>“I got you something.” I blurted. Nan stopped and looked at me, raising the bag of carrots she held towards me.</p>
<p>“I know.” She chuckled. “I can see that.”</p>
<p>I shook my head. “No, I mean I got <em>you</em> something. <em>For you</em>.”</p>
<p>Knowing that there was no way I’d be able to express myself any further, I pulled the beaded necklace from my pocket. I’d found it at the jewellery stall Ignat had been perusing when I met him, and I’d spent a weeks wages on it. After expeditions, each Scout gets a small bonus payment - either to them, if they’re alive, or to their families as compensation if they’re not. I gladly handed mine over to the street vendor to get this gift for Nan.</p>
<p>“Oh,” she uttered lowly. “Echo... (y/n), I can’t accept this. It’s too much.”</p>
<p>I took her hand and pressed the beads into it. They were bright blue, accented with deep oranges and reds, like a sunset. I wasn’t sure if Nan had ever seen a sunset, or the sun, but I wanted her to have one to keep forever. One that no one could take from her, and hide her away from. Nan deserved some daylight, even if it was only a glimpse.</p>
<p>“Nonsense.” I replied, laughing shakily. “I wanted to say thank you, for... well. You know.”</p>
<p>Nan nodded, her eyes glued to the ethereal necklace, but she still didn’t take it.</p>
<p>“You pay me. You protect me. That’s all the thanks I need.” she swallowed.</p>
<p>“Take the necklace.” I said. “For me.”</p>
<p>Nan’s green eyes were on my (y/ec) ones then, and I could tell she understood now. This wasn’t a thank you for running my household, for keeping my accounts in my absence and feeding my employees. This was a thank you for being my Nan, my stand-in mother, my closest friend. Her fingers closed around the beads, and she hung the string around her neck before tucking it under her dress. She took my hands in hers, tears prickling in the corners of her eyes, and smiled.</p>
<p>“I have to go.” I whispered, terrified that I might start crying too. No one had looked at me with such kindness since Alys, and that was still something I couldn’t think about for too long.</p>
<p>Nan said nothing, just pulled me into one final hug before ushering me out of the kitchen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My office in the attic was dusty. I’d not really noticed it before, but I suppose all the nights spent cleaning offices at the Scout Base had rubbed off on me, and I almost cringed when I swiped my finger over the desk and saw it turned entirely grey. I wiped it off on my sweater and opened the drawers in the corner. I had a specific reason for being here, and I wasn’t going to let some dust get in my way.</p>
<p>It was soon after I got the house that I decided to start filing my work. It made sense to have a bank of information I might have use of in the future. Most of the stuff here hadn’t been bought or sold, but collected personally by me and kept hidden away until I needed it. Like now.</p>
<p>I whizzed through the cabinet, stopping when I arrived at the letter D.</p>
<p><em>Darton... Dellis... Dok</em>. There it was.</p>
<p>I grabbed the envelope with Dok’s name emblazoned on the front in large inky letters. I opened it quickly, checking that what I needed was there, and having confirmed that, I stuffed it into the satchel I’d brought with me to avoid looking suspicious on my return to base.</p>
<p>There was a knock on the door as I closed and locked the drawers. With my permission, Saoirse entered the room. If it was possible, she looked even more skinny and tired now than she had the last time I’d seen her. Her eyes took up half her gaunt face, darkened circles trapping them, and her clothes hung from her frame like a shroud.</p>
<p>“Can I talk to you?” she asked, and I nodded.</p>
<p>“Of course, Darling, always.”</p>
<p>“As you know, I’m 12 next week.” She didn’t look at me as she spoke, instead talking down into her hands. I held back a smirk - if this was a gift request, she was too late. I’d already spent several nights mixing berries into flour and water pastes to make a rainbow of paints, all bottled up ready to give to her. I was planning on sneaking Underground the night of her birthday.</p>
<p>Feigning a level of seriousness that matched hers, I nodded. “I am aware, yes.”</p>
<p>“Well, the thing is, there’s something I’d like for my birthday.” Her eyes peeked up at me then, and I motioned for her to continue. I still had some money lining my purse, and I was sure whatever it was I could haggle my way into getting it.</p>
<p>“You always say we’re sisters. So I need you to get me into the Military. As your sister.”</p>
<p>I was speechless. Saoirse wanted into the military? Bloody hell, <em>of course</em> she did: three meals a day, real clothes, a proper bed and warm room to sleep in; why was I surprised. There was only one problem really.</p>
<p>It was obvious she could read the impending ‘No’ on my face, because she continued, “Kaz will be fine. She’s old enough to take care of herself now, and Nan will look out for her until she can join us too.”</p>
<p>“Saoirse, I’m sorry. My way to the Above won’t work twice.” I muttered regretfully. Saoirse had been too young when I went away to know the ins and outs of the situation: all she knew was that I’d gone and it was a secret, and that was why Kaz had become my messenger. As much as I selfishly wished I could take her back with me as a Cadet, as my sister and friend, trying to blackmail Lord Helian again now would only lead to my arrest, and subsequently ruin everything I’d built down here. Too many lives relied on mine for me to be selfish.</p>
<p>Saoirse nodded, her lips in a tight line. “I expected as much. I shouldn’t have asked.”</p>
<p>“Hey, hey, come here.” I said, and hugged her. “I need you here, anyway. Who’d look after Nan and Kaz and the others if it wasn’t for you, hmm?”</p>
<p>She smiled a little then, her chapped lips spreading to reveal her teeth. She was missing a front one - one I knew for a fact she’d lost and grown back already. I grabbed her chin.</p>
<p>“What happened?” I demanded. “Saoirse, if this was your father, I swear —”</p>
<p>“It wasn’t.” she said, shaking her head vehemently, then carried on more sheepishly, embarrassed. “I was trying to be like you, climbing buildings. I slipped.”</p>
<p>I scoffed, trying not to laugh at her, but she started giggling so I did too.</p>
<p>“<em>Stupid brat</em>.” I snorted, then pulled an expression of disgust and confusion.</p>
<p>“What?” Saoirse asked, wiping her tears of laughter away.</p>
<p>I blinked twice. “I sound like my Captain. <em>Ew</em>.”</p>
<p>We broke down laughing again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sky was dark when I emerged above ground in Mitras again, and the streets were quiet. I dipped through the city towards the ferries back out of Sina, hoping I hadn’t missed the last one, when I heard voices down an alleyway. One of them I recognised all to well, probably because only a few hours ago he’d been threatening me. Dok.</p>
<p>“If Erwin thinks he’s getting away with this, he’s wrong. He needs to be told.” I heard him mutter. I silently leapt up onto a wall and lay down flat, so I could be in earshot without being seen.</p>
<p>“What do you want me to do about it?” Dok’s companion said, and I smiled.</p>
<p>Dok grunted frustratedly. “Do you have a brain up there?” he hissed, “Tomorrow morning, Erwin comes to give his update report on the Scout training programme. Obviously, assassinating him would be too risky and political to be worth our time, especially seeing as he’d only get replaced by that <em>wacko</em> Hange. No, Ackerman’s people will be at the corners of West Ruan, Dorket, Ashfield and Barrett, with a few extra dotted around for security. When the Scouts come through, they’ll take a few down. Just enough to make a statement.”</p>
<p>Dok laughed maleficently.</p>
<p>“Even taking down two or three of them is a good percentage of their force. And with Ackerman running rampant anyway, no one will even think to blame us. Now, take this, and go and pay him. You’ll find him in the Dark bar on the Wharf. Ask for Kenneth.”</p>
<p>This was both better and worse than anything I could’ve imagined. Better, because the blackmail material currently tucked inside my satchel was absolutely nothing on this, but worse because I wasn’t about to let Dok have my comrades murdered. I stayed in place as I listened to their footsteps scuttling away, leaning to the side slightly and taking a mental note of the other MP’s physical appearance. I’d run it through Ignat and get a name later - I had little doubt that I could get him talking. And if couldn’t, I knew a certain Captain who most definitely could.</p>
<p>Once they were gone, I dived from the wall and sprinted to the ferry stop, only to realise I’d missed it. <em>Shit</em>. The long way it was, then.</p>
<p>A few streets away was a grate that led Undergound, and from there I whizzed to the Tunnels and sped down the tracks. It took me less than an hour to emerge in the village and sprint all the way back to base. I might’ve been proud of my new record in another situation. But not now.</p>
<p>“And where the hell have you been?” Captain Levi berated as I soared through the gate.</p>
<p>I didn’t stop, heading straight for the offices. “Not now, Levi, I really don’t have time.”</p>
<p>“What the - come back here, brat!” he shouted after me, clearly forgetting our deal. I’d have to ‘Captain Grumpy’ him another time. He raced after me, but this time I was quicker.</p>
<p>I barged into Commander Erwin’s office.</p>
<p>He was sat at his desk, a look of complete confusion at the sudden interruption. Levi was only seconds behind me.</p>
<p>“I tried to stop her.” he said. “Salute, brat. Show some damned respect.”</p>
<p>I said nothing, just scanned the room until I saw a pile of rolled up maps. Going over to them, I rooted until I found one of Mitras, then stormed over to Erwin’s desk, lying the map over the paperwork he was halfway through. None of that mattered right now.</p>
<p>“Excuse me, Private (y/ln), but you don’t get to enter my office uninvited and just —” the Commander said, but I interrupted him, slamming wooden figures on the road names I’d heard Dok mention earlier.</p>
<p>“This is where the assassins will be tomorrow. There’ll be more spread out in the streets, but they’re less of a threat.” I uttered breathlessly. “Kenny the Ripper. Dok hired him to attack you tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“What?” Levi spat as he stomped over to see the map. “I knew he was stupid but this is above and beyond. How did you find out?”</p>
<p>“I overheard him talking to an MP. He was taking money to some bar to pay Kenny in advance.” I replied. “They didn’t see me, I made sure of it.”</p>
<p>Commander Erwin said nothing, just stared at the map with one finger pressed to his lip in thought.</p>
<p>Levi was the opposite. “We have to strike <em>back</em>, Erwin.” he fumed, his anger pouring out. It was odd to see him this way - usually even his fury was calculated and quiet. I’d never seen him this emotional before. I wondered if perhaps he’d encountered Kenny in his life Underground.</p>
<p>“No.” Commander Erwin responded calmly. “We’ll cancel tomorrow. Claim an unexpected emergency of some sort. Let Dok lose his money; I doubt Kenny gives <em>refunds</em>.”</p>
<p>He hummed darkly, amused with himself. Levi looked ready to explode.</p>
<p>“Are you crazy, Eyebrows?!” he yelled. “Dok wants you dead, so you let him lose a few hundred? How is that an equal trade?”</p>
<p>“Actually,” I said, “He didn’t want to kill the Commander. Said that it would seem like a premeditated attack. He just wanted to hit the regiment and blame it all on Kenny, so he’s going to take out whoever’s with you.”</p>
<p>“That makes sense.” Commander Erwin said. “But it does change things. Dok’s a coward, he’d never openly fight us. And from what you told me earlier, Levi, he knows Zackly won’t side with him on this.”</p>
<p>They both looked pointedly at me.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry that I’m causing you so much trouble, sir.” I muttered, slightly abashed.</p>
<p>Commander Erwin half-smiled crookedly. “No. Don’t apologise. Foiling an inside-job assassination attempt? I’ve not had this much fun in years. Maybe Levi’s right: sometimes I wonder if I am slightly mad.”</p>
<p>“So, what are we going to do?” Levi asked, clearly still agitated.</p>
<p>Erwin sat at his desk, leaning forward and pressing his fingertips together.</p>
<p>“You know what, Levi?” he said. “I think the three of us have a meeting in Mitras tomorrow.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;33</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. A Morning’s Work</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>New chapter alert!!<br/>Hope you enjoy this one :))<br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“If I die, I’m going to haunt your ass.” I hissed down Levi’s ear as we sat side by side on the ferry into Mitras. He, Erwin and I were huddled at the back end of the boat, wearing hooded cloaks to hide our faces. We were out of uniform, in the hope that we’d just blend into the crowds that were a permanent staple of the city, but I still felt uneasy.</p>
<p>“Keep your mouth shut and hopefully we won’t. Stop being a coward.” Levi muttered back.</p>
<p>I scoffed quietly. “Cowards live longer.”</p>
<p>Having got the final word, I fell silent. Erwin’s plan was a risky one (as per usual from what I’d heard about him) and required luck to be entirely on our side. There was only one small problem with that: luck and I were like the same end of two magnets. We repelled each other at every opportunity.</p>
<p>Impeding the operation further was the minor fact that if Kenny saw even a glimpse of my face, he’d know exactly who I was, and I had a sneaking suspicion that Levi was mulling over a similar problem. I’d not seen him this agitated since he found me during the expedition when we both nearly lost our lives, and I knew he wasn’t a man easily shaken. The only logical conclusion was that he’d known Kenny Underground. To what extent, I didn’t know.</p>
<p>The ferry clattered to a stop, and we slowly departed, making sure to stand in the middle of the crowd. Less suspicious. When we got to the gangway, a band of MPs were there, checking papers. Shit. The ferry spot checks happened twice a week at random intervals, and the fact they were having them now, especially with what seemed to be more soldiers than usual, was surely an omen that the luck Erwin was so desperately relying on was not coming. We were on our own.</p>
<p>I was already looking for a way to slip round them when Commander Erwin pulled some pages from his cloak and confidently strode towards the MPs, his hood still hiding his face. The day was bleak and raining, and even the MPs were wearing hoods, so this in itself didn’t seem odd. But the papers - false documents? Was he trying to get us arrested as well as killed?</p>
<p>When he realised Levi and I, in our utter bewilderment, hadn’t followed, he paused before taking our hands and tugging us towards the MPs.</p>
<p>“Papers.” the MP said, his dark eyes bored and lazy.</p>
<p>Erwin handed them over. “Samuel Hazen, and my children. We have business with a fruit merchant in the city.”</p>
<p>Levi bristled beside me and I stifled a laugh. I guess being called a child had bruised his ego, poor little thing. I definitely would <em>never</em> bring this up later to annoy him, <em>not at all</em>.</p>
<p>The MP didn’t even look at us, just shrugged and let us pass. I’d known they were lazy at their jobs, but seriously? What if a real intruder tried to get in?</p>
<p>Once we were safely in the city, Commander Erwin spun us down a dark alleyway, and we all pulled down our hoods. Levi shoved Erwin into the wall, his face drawn into a deep frown.</p>
<p>“I’m nearly 30, Eyebrows. Call me a child again and I will <em>gladly</em> make sure you never have any.” he hissed, and the Commander laughed, pushing him away.</p>
<p>“Calm down Levi,” he said. “It got us in, didn’t it?”</p>
<p>Levi huffed, his nostrils flaring, but said nothing. Erwin continued.</p>
<p>“Are you both sure of your instructions?”</p>
<p>We nodded. It was crazy, and the chances of success seemed minimal at best, but I knew the plan: Commander Erwin would deal with anyone on the ground, Levi would take Ashfield and Dorket, whilst I dealt with the bastards on West Ruan and Barrett. We weren’t to kill unless we really had to - that would put us at risk of arrest, and draw too much attention. We were simply to climb the buildings, without ODM (again, too obvious), and take out the assassins.</p>
<p>“Very well.” Erwin uttered resolutely. “You know where we’re meeting afterwards. Let’s go.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>People had behaved differently around me at base since the incident on the expedition. Like I was dangerous. They didn’t understand how I’d managed to stay alive, or take down so many Titans; all they knew was before we left I was an average fighter, and when we came back I was suddenly formidable. Levi hadn’t let me sink back to my usual level when we trained, instead pushing me to my real limits - I’d even taken <em>him</em> down a few times. Everyone else was light work. I tried to make it seem natural, slowly increasing the strength and stamina of my performance, but even so it was as if I’d developed uncannily good skills in an astoundingly short amount of time.</p>
<p>Now, I regretted it more than ever.</p>
<p>By letting Commander Erwin know what I could do, I’d given him no reason to doubt my ability in completing a mission such as this, especially when he didn’t want to trust anyone else with what was going on. The only person who knew we were here was Hange.</p>
<p>I took a deep breath, steadying myself as I approached the back end of West Ruan. This was Underground business just as much as it was Scout business, and I needed to treat it accordingly. With Kenny involved, this was Echo’s territory, and Echo didn’t let stupid things like nerves and feelings stop her from finishing her job. With my mind cleared of all thought, and my face void of all emotion, I started to climb.</p>
<p>The low hanging cloud was a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it would be harder for anyone to see me sneaking up on them. On the other, if they weren’t perched on the roof looking down at Main Street as I expected them to be, I was a goner. My blade was drawn, the dagger I’d been brandishing since before I had two digits to my age. It had been my father’s, and it was the only part of him I still kept. The last time I’d had this out, I’d had my ribs cracked by a street vendor, and Levi had let me sleep in his -</p>
<p><em>Nope</em>.</p>
<p>Not thinking about him right now. Everything that had happened with him was too confusing to even <em>consider</em> considering it at this moment in time. Concentrate, (y/n).</p>
<p>My footsteps were silent as I approached, and through the mist I began to make out the shape of a person, crouched at the edge of the roof, their back to me. Perfect. Tucking my knife into my belt where I could access it easily if I needed to, I paused to assess.</p>
<p>The person was hunched over, but they were clearly quite tall, probably male, skinny. Everyone Underground was skinny. However, I knew better than to use this fact to discount their possible fighting ability, as their strength and agility would probably be comparable to my own if Kenny let them work for him. The figure shifted, and I realised they were armed with a bow - made sense if they were wanting to kill from up here, but if I was quick enough they’d have no chance to root out a knife before I had them down.</p>
<p>My biggest problem would be keeping them quiet whilst I knocked them out. If they had chance to alert their friends a few streets away or the ones on the ground, we were royally screwed. This was going to require precision.</p>
<p>Once they were within reach, I knelt down and in a flash hooked my arm around their neck, dragging them backwards as I choked them. By holding his (the hood had come down enough for me to ascertain that this was definitely a boy of maybe 17 or 18) throat tightly against the inside of my elbow, all noises he made came out as nothing more than strangled exhales, no where near loud enough to get anyone’s attention.</p>
<p>“Stay quiet and you don’t die.” I hissed in his face, my eyes ablaze. This seemed to kick the surprise out of him, as he stopped clawing at my arm and used his body to swing his legs upwards. I just managed to duck, but my grip was loosened and he twisted.</p>
<p>Rapidly, I kicked him in the side, winding him, then jumped on top of him, grabbing him by the hair on the back of his head and smashing his face into the roof tiles. I’d never done this to a person before, usually avoiding life-and-death conflict where such dirty moves were needed, but it’d worked for Coran so I figured it would work for me. After the third time his face slapped the roof, he was out cold.</p>
<p>Using the rope Commander Erwin had provided me with, I tied him up, but not before checking him for any knives he had on him that he could use to cut the restraints. He had one, a nifty little blade that flicked out when you pressed a small lever, which I claimed for myself. I scattered his arrows over the roof and dumped his bow on top of a chimney. I couldn’t bring myself to snap it - I knew too well how hard weapons like this were to source for people like him. It was likely he only fought for Kenny because it offered him safety, protection and stability. I couldn’t fault the boy for that.</p>
<p>Scrambling down from the building, I ducked through a few alleys to Barrett Street. Once there, I repeated my earlier actions, climbing as quietly as I could and searching for my target. And there they were, crouched looking downwards, just as the other guy had been. This spot was probably the most important one, as Barrett looked down right over the steps to the governmental buildings where Commander Erwin’s meetings took place. Whoever this was, Kenny clearly trusted them to finish the job if his other cronies failed.</p>
<p>A soft wind blew over the roof and the mist cleared for just a moment. A moment was all it took for me to see exactly what I was dealing with. The first thing that came to my attention was the shotgun, locked and loaded at the person’s side, pointing down at the street. Those things weren’t cheap, and I was shocked Kenny had allowed someone to bring a weapon like that above ground.</p>
<p>That’s when I saw the hat. <em>Fuck</em>.</p>
<p>Knocking out half-starved teenage boys was one thing. Trying to take down <em>Kenny fucking Ackerman</em> was quite another.</p>
<p>“If you’re going to jump me, you little bitch, get on with it. I’ve got a job to do.” Came the growled tones of the one man I was smart enough to fear, still crouched down looking at the street below. He stood and faced me, his gun pointing at me, and I dived behind a chimney.</p>
<p>“If you shoot, it’s over Kenny.” I called. “The MPs will hear it and come running. They’re not all as corrupt as the man lining your pockets.”</p>
<p>This wasn’t necessarily true. I had no idea if the MPs would help me - it was likely Dok would have stationed them further out to keep them away from the scene of the crime. I nearly hit myself: of <em>course</em>! That’s why there seemed to be so many doing checks at the ferry. I just hoped that Kenny didn’t know this.</p>
<p>Kenny laughed darkly. “Oh, I wouldn’t waste a bullet on some Scout bitch. I’m assuming that’s what you are - a Scout?”</p>
<p>My knife was gripped in my tightened knuckles as I heard his footsteps approaching the chimney I was crouched behind. When he got close, I leapt at him, knocking him backwards, but he soon overpowered me. I was on my back with Kenny’s foot pressed painfully against my ankle.</p>
<p>I fought back, managing to tug my knife arm free and swing my dagger at him, but he caught my wrist easily and twisted it until I was pressing the knife into my own throat. One wrong move and I was dead.</p>
<p>“Oh, <em>Echo</em>. I expected better of you.” he laughed. My hood had fallen back, and my face was on show to him plain as day. I was almost surprised he recognised me - I’d been fourteen the last time our paths had crossed. “I wondered where you’d disappeared off to. What is it with Erwin and you Underground brats?”</p>
<p>So he <em>did</em> know Levi. For some reason, this spurred me on, and I kneed him in the balls, quickly rolling from under him before he could do any real damage with my knife. He managed to slice the side of my neck, but I could feel that it wasn’t deep. Even so, the warm flow of blood dripping over my collarbones and down my chest wasn’t a pleasant one.</p>
<p>“This is a nice blade.” he muttered, chuckling to himself. His voice was hoarse, still pained from my bony leg hitting him where it hurt. “It’s a shame to kill you, runt, I actually quite liked you.”</p>
<p>“The sentiment was not returned.” I spat back. I lifted my fists.</p>
<p>Kenny sighed. “You’re not even armed. I’ll give you one chance to walk away, because of where you’re from and because I owe you for fucking your hand up like that when you were a kid.”</p>
<p>My eyes flickered to the scar that ran over my right hand.</p>
<p>“You owe me nothing.” I replied. “You taught me a lot that day. Like<em> how to kill you.</em>”</p>
<p>Kenny snapped, and charged at me with my knife. I dodged his swing, and we entered into harsh hand to hand, with me ducking frequently to avoid the knife, and Kenny slashing with terrifying precision. He was stronger than the last time we’d fought, but so was I - the real difference was that age slowed him, not much but enough, whereas I was as quick on my feet as ever. Even so, with him armed and me not, it took only a minute or two for him to outmanoeuvre me.</p>
<p>The knife stabbed into my side as I tried to struggle away, and it must’ve sunk a good two inches in the time it took me to swing my arm back and punch Kenny’s jaw, shocking him enough that he dropped my knife. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to take him out. He had me moments later, his chest pressed against my back as he stood behind me, choking the life out of me with the crook of his elbow.</p>
<p>I only had one more trick up my sleeve. <em>Literally</em>.</p>
<p>Wriggling as if I was trying to loosen his grip, I slipped my right hand up my left sleeve and untied the short piece of rope I’d used to tie the flick-out knife I’d stolen earlier to my wrist. Once it was in my hand, I pulled it out, opening the blade and stabbing into Kenny’s shoulder.</p>
<p>He yelped and leapt backwards, a reflex action, and I coughed lightly, trying to refill my lungs without aggravating the oozing wound on my side.</p>
<p>“You’ll pay for that, bitch!” Kenny screamed as he picked my knife up. “You’ll regret that day you -”</p>
<p>I’ll never know what I was supposed to regret. Kenny fell flat on his face, all consciousness having left him. Behind him, stood over him menacingly with a bloodied roof tile in his hands, was Levi.</p>
<p>“Are you alright, (y/n)?” he eyed me nervously, noticing the blood.</p>
<p>I nodded with a grimace. “Need a bit of patching up, but I’ll live.”</p>
<p>“Tsk. I’ll be the judge of that.” he muttered, tearing off the bottom edge of his shirt and pressing it into the stab wound. “Hold that there.”</p>
<p>“What am I going to do about <em>him</em>? He knows who I am, he’ll tell Dok.” I fretted, motioning to Kenny as I grabbed my knife from the ground and shoved it through my belt. Levi, who was tying Kenny up, raised an eyebrow, and I knew he knew I wasn’t talking about my Mitras heritage.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about it.” Levi said. “Kenny won’t risk showing his face up here for a while now, and he won’t be doing business with Dok again. He’s not that stupid.”</p>
<p>Levi crouched down in front of Kenny and spat on him.</p>
<p>“He didn’t even see me.” Levi whispered, and I didn’t respond, unsure if he was speaking to me or himself. “He always used to say I was too quiet. Guess it comes in handy.”</p>
<p>With that, Levi took Kenny’s gun in one hand, and put his other arm around my waist to help me walk. Slowly, my injuries making it hard work, we climbed down from the roof and sauntered into the governmental buildings. Dok’s office door was open, and I could hear Erwin sarcastically addressing Dok.</p>
<p>“-our horses seemed so tired, I thought it nicer to give them a day off and travel on foot instead. And then, as the weather was so beautiful today - truly, there is nothing I love more than a walk in the cold and the mist - I thought I’d take the long way around.”</p>
<p>Dok didn’t reply, barely even registering the arrival of Levi and I. Erwin turned to us, dramatically feigning shock at the state of us: Levi with his hair ruffled and a scrape on his cheek, and me thoroughly bloody and bruised at the neck, limping on the ankle Kenny had trodden on, and nursing a stab wound.</p>
<p>“Well what the hell happened to you two?” Erwin gasped melodramatically, before looking Dok dead in the eye, his jokey facade dropped. His face was thunder, yet his voice remained quiet and steady. “It’s almost as if someone was <em>sent to attack us.</em>”</p>
<p>Dok looked ready to shit himself. Erwin smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.</p>
<p>“Well,” he said, the fake cheerful tone back to his voice. “We’ve got a meeting we’re late for. See you soon, Nile.”</p>
<p>As we left the room, I caught Dok in the corner of my eye and smirked. He looked tiny, afraid and pitiful. If I hadn’t been so lightheaded, I’d have laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not bad for a morning’s work.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you like what I did with Levi and Kenny - it’s canon that they’ve not spoken from Levi leaving the Underground and s3, so I figured this was a nifty way round that. Thoughts? If you’d rather I broke away from canon a little more at times I’d be up for that, but equally I like trying to stay with the eventual canon that this story is a prequel to.<br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;33</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Selfish</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for taking FOREVER to update! My mental health got pretty bad and I lost all my motivation, but I’m feeling a little better now so I’ll try to update more regularly again :)<br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Y/N POV)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re hurt.” Levi murmured in my ear when we got back to base. “Let me sort it.”</p>
<p>I shook my head.</p>
<p>“I’m fine, I’ll drop by the Med Wing. I’m sure Commander Erwin has a lot to discuss with you.”</p>
<p>This was true. Erwin was already stood expectantly by the door to the office blocks, awaiting Levi’s accompaniment up to his study. The revelation that Dok wasn’t on our side clearly wasn’t a new one to Erwin, but knowing Dok was willing to act on it at such a treasonous level had clearly shaken him some. His visage of stone was cracking slightly, his hair falling in his eyes and his upper lip curling. It was because of this that I expected Levi to concede.</p>
<p>“No.” he stated simply, tightening his grip around my waist. He was supporting half my body weight due to my injured ankle, so without his consent I knew I would be pretty much unable to go anywhere.</p>
<p>I sighed. “Fine. But as soon as I’m patched up I’m leaving. You have work to do, Captain.”</p>
<p>Levi’s eyes thinned to slits as he glared at me.</p>
<p>“Oi, Erwin.” he called as we approached the Commander. “I’m going to stitch (y/ln) up. Med Wing would lead to too many questions.”</p>
<p>To my dismay, Erwin nodded in agreement. “Yes. Get her upstairs quickly, the rest of the Scouts will be back from morning training any minute.”</p>
<p>We didn’t need telling twice: the last thing any of us wanted was questions we couldn’t answer. Unless, apparently, we were the ones doing the asking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>We’d been in Levi’s room all of two minutes when he pulled his box of medical supplies out and raised an eyebrow at me.</p>
<p>“You remember the rules, I take it?” His voice seemed nonchalant, like I could refuse to play his stupid game and he wouldn’t mind. I knew better.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“Good.” he responded. “Where are you from?”</p>
<p>His cold hands brushed my skin as he lifted my shirt and I squirmed. The muscles surrounding the stab wound screamed and I bit back a moan of pain.</p>
<p>“Mitras.” I said through gritted teeth. Levi pressed two fingers against the blood-soaked flesh next to the hole where the knife had entered and it took everything in me not to scream.</p>
<p>He leant in closer to me, not moving his fingers. “Don’t lie to me. I’m done with your games, brat. We’re playing to my rules now.”</p>
<p>I took a deep breath. “I was born in a village in Maria.”</p>
<p>His flint grey eyes widened slightly, as he took in my face and decided if I was lying or not. His fingers moved away from my wound, and he began to clean it.</p>
<p>“And where did you live before you joined the Scouts?”</p>
<p>A small sigh escaped my lips. He wasn’t going to let this go.</p>
<p>“Mitras.” I replied almost automatically, but before he could injure me again, I carried on. “Underneath Mitras.”</p>
<p>The alcohol soaked cloth in his hands quivered, and he froze. For an elongated moment, the pair of us sat silently, unmoving, as if we’d been trapped in the split second of my revelation. Slowly, he blinked, his brows creasing in confusion before settling back into his angry glare. He grabbed a scalpel and suddenly the thin blade was against my throat, Levi’s knee pressed into my stomach and his free arm next to my head, supporting his weight as he held himself above me. I was confused.</p>
<p>“I’ll kill you right now, brat.” he hissed. “Tell. Me. The. <em>Truth</em>.”</p>
<p>I didn’t move. Getting stabbed once already today was enough for me. I thought he’d sussed that this was the truth. I didn’t understand.</p>
<p>“I’m not lying.” I whispered, my voice trembling. I hated how afraid I sounded, how small, like I’d come full circle and returned to that whimpering child in Lord Helian’s house. No. Fuck that. I steadied my breathing, and continued. “Lord Helian isn’t my father. He’s my grandfather. When I was orphaned, he threw me out and I had no choice but to go Underground.”</p>
<p>Despite my voice being clearer now, my eyes were stinging with hot tears. I’d sworn never to reveal this to anyone - that I’d rather die than do so - yet here I was, blubbering like a schoolgirl admitting to it whilst Levi pressed a scalpel against my bruised neck.</p>
<p>“Why would your own grandfather send you away?” Levi said, somewhat disbelievingly.</p>
<p>“My mother was his daughter. She ran away with a stable boy and he disowned her.” I choked out, all structure and strength in my voice leaving as I approached the topic I’d closed my mind off to long ago. “She died when I was ten, a year after my father - he... the Scouts killed him.”</p>
<p>Levi sat backwards, and I took a relieved breath once the blade was safely away from my skin. Anger poured through my tears, blazing in my eyes. He believed me now.</p>
<p>Without another word, he returned to cleaning and stitching my stab wound, leaving me to cry silent tears onto his bedsheets as he worked. When that was done, he wrapped my ankle with several stiff bandages and thin pieces of wood to splint it, then sat himself on the floor next to my head, so our faces were almost touching.</p>
<p>His fingers reached up to wipe the half-dried tears of frustration, rage and sadness from my cheeks, and I let him. He’d seen me cry once before, but he was so drunk I wasn’t sure he remembered even the little of that night he claimed to. No one had ever seen me cry like this: this was more than a bad day or an injury, this was half a lifetime of pent up pain I’d not been allowed to feel. To feel it was to accept it, and to accept it was to give in. That wasn’t a luxury set out for people like me. People like <em>us</em>, I realised as his calloused hand cupped my face. We were made of the same stuff, products of the same experiences.</p>
<p>“So you joined the Scouts to be like your father?” Levi murmured, his lips barely moving as the question passed them.</p>
<p>I shook my head. “No. He didn’t die a Scout. He was killed by them.”</p>
<p>I rolled onto my back, pulling my head from his palm. I wasn’t ready to explain it further than that.</p>
<p>“How did you get here?” I asked. “I’ve answered yours.”</p>
<p>Levi hesitated for a moment, his face turning stony. He was going to throw me out again, I could tell. I closed my eyes.</p>
<p>The ancient bed springs creaked slightly as he climbed into the bed beside me, sitting with his back against the headboard and his knees bent in towards his chest. His dark hair covered his eyes, still slightly damp from the morning’s wet weather. Careful not to aggravate my injuries too much, I struggled to a reclined position, from which I could reach to brush his hair from his face with my fingers, so I could see the conflict in his grey eyes.</p>
<p>“Forget I asked.” I whispered. He shook his head.</p>
<p>“No, I - I want to tell you.” he muttered, turning his face away from me, embarrassed. “It’s just hard.”</p>
<p>I nodded. I knew that well enough. Trust was something that was earned Underground, and yet people here seemed to have it readily available to buy, sell and gift. I still couldn’t decide if their naivety was endearing or stupid.</p>
<p>“Kenny’s my uncle.”</p>
<p>I had to admit, I wasn’t expecting that. As much as Levi shared his ruthlessness and talent for fighting, Kenny was sociopathic and driven by self-interest. It was hard to see Levi ever sharing such a selfishness.</p>
<p>“My mother died when I was young, and Kenny took me in. I, uh, did some... stuff I’m not proud of after that.” he paused, glancing at me uncertainly.</p>
<p>I offered a weak smile. “Me too. That’s not your fault.”</p>
<p>“You sound like Erwin.” Levi scoffed half-heartedly, “He blackmailed me into being here, said it was this or prison.”</p>
<p>“Prison probably would’ve been quieter.” I quipped, and the edges of Levi’s lips twitched upwards slightly.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Probably.”</p>
<p>I sensed there was more, but I didn’t push. The weight of the secrets that hung between us was lighter now, and that was enough. We sat in comfortable silence for a while, watching the ceiling as if it might suddenly move, stealing occasional looks at each other when we thought the other wasn’t looking.</p>
<p>“I thought you were lying, about the Underground.” he said, barely above a whisper.</p>
<p>“I thought you’d figured it out already.” I replied.</p>
<p>He ran a hand through his hair tiredly. “I thought you were using what you knew about me to make me trust you. Honestly my best guess was you were rich and corrupt. It’s pretty common for Mitras’ upper classes to use contacts below to gain power or make a mint.”</p>
<p>“But you never believed I was from Mitras either.”</p>
<p>“No. I don’t think I knew what to believe.” Levi admitted, his nostrils flaring. “All I knew was that I didn’t trust you.”</p>
<p>“And now?” I asked, my breath catching in my throat. It was a foreign feeling to me, to want someone’s trust for reasons other than to abuse it. I didn’t want to know his secrets just to sell them, I wanted him to see me like I was safe.</p>
<p>He said nothing.</p>
<p>Eventually, Levi got off the bed to remove his harness, which was still clinging to his body, then untucked his shirt from his trousers and sat back down. His legs remained outstretched this time, and without a word his arm reached out and wrapped around my shoulder, tugging me against his side. My head on his shoulder, I smouldered a laugh.</p>
<p>“What?” he said grumpily. “Stop laughing! What’s so funny, brat?”</p>
<p>“Oh, shut up Captain Grumpy.” I chuckled, not missing his slip up. “I just think it’s amusing that you’re so soft.”</p>
<p>“I’m not soft.” he muttered. I hummed. “I’m <em>not</em>!”</p>
<p>Petulantly, he unhooked his arm from my shoulders and shoved me away. I knew he’d been deliberately gentle because I was hurt, and I almost laughed again at how he was contradicting himself by caring.</p>
<p>“Alright.” I conceded, too tired to argue. “You’re right. You’re far too miserable to be nice.” I winked at him.</p>
<p>“In case you forgot,” he said, a faux cocky tone lightening his voice slightly, “It’s not my job to be nice. I’m Humanity’s Strongest. Who the fuck are you?”</p>
<p>I laughed, and he let me place my head back on his shoulder. I was out cold in minutes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>(LEVI POV)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So I’d finally got what I wanted: the truth. Or at least part of it, and I could cope with that. Knowing she came from Underground somehow settled everything, because now I knew why I was drawn to her. It wasn’t <em>her</em>, it was the parts of me I saw reflected in the way she moved, the way she spoke, the way she was. I wasn’t emotionally attached to her, I hadn’t broken the promise I’d made when I lost Isabel and Furlan to never get too close to anyone again. (y/n) was a comrade, someone who could understand me better than the others, maybe even better than Erwin, but that was it.</p>
<p>That’s <em>definitely</em> all it is.</p>
<p>Fuck. Who am I kidding? Just looking at her, the way her body curled against mine, the messy (y/hc) strands tangled against my shoulder and covering her face so all I could see was the end of her nose, made me weak. Who’d have thought it, Humanity’s Strongest being fucking <em>weak</em> over a girl. If I could see me I’d be pissing myself laughing at this dumb idiot.</p>
<p>I couldn’t want her. It’s out of the question. My wants and needs were to kill Titans and stay alive, that’s all. There was no room for anyone else in that equation, and I was certain she felt the same way. Even so, I couldn’t help feeling like she’d been sent to find me.</p>
<p>Maybe that was the problem. I was letting myself <em>feel</em> again and that was never a good plan. I could shut this down, I <em>had</em> to shut this down, and I would. It would never work, and it would be selfish of me to pretend that it would. One of us would die, inevitably, and the other would be left with nothing but an even bigger black cloud to live within.</p>
<p>Mine was big enough as it is. And now (the irony of her finally giving me the truth I so badly wanted) I knew hers was too, and I wished that I didn’t. I couldn’t put her through my death, not when she’d gone off the edge so badly last time she lost someone. She was a good fighter, and humanity couldn’t afford the loss.</p>
<p>I had to end this, whatever it was.</p>
<p>I looked down at her again as she stirred and her hand tucked itself under my shirt, her cold fingers resting on my stomach. Unconsciously, my head dipped and my lips found her hair, kissing it gently. No. I couldn’t do this. Fuck.</p>
<p>I had to end this.</p>
<p>Just not right now. I think after nearly half a decade with the Scouts I’d earned a few weeks of selfishness.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. The Sound of Silence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Welcome back to another chapter!!<br/>Levi is a little more emotional in this one, as I think it’s important to show the emotional complexities and insecurities of his character that I feel he would (albeit unwillingly) begin to show when he trusts a person. If you feel it’s getting too OOC let me know and I’ll dial it back a bit :)<br/>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a thick ridge of scarring where the knife had entered my body three weeks ago. In the dusty mirror in my room I admired it, lifting my shirt up to see it as someone stood three paces away from me would. It was pink and knotted, and I swelled with pride just looking at it - my body was littered with scars, ranging from paper thin and pale to deep and angry, but this was the first I’d obtained doing something legal. This was the scar of a Scout.</p>
<p>I couldn’t decide if Levi liked it too, or if he stared at it simply because it was a physical trophy tying me to Kenny. Underground, scars were like glue: there was some old wives tale about how shedding a person’s blood would forever link you. Like family. Like Levi and Kenny. I had a feeling Levi hated that.</p>
<p>Either way, he sat on my bed, his body cringing slightly at the thin layer of dust that sat over everything. I’d not cleaned in here since before The Trip (as we were now referring to it, to avoid questions from nosy comrades). I’d not been in here since before The Trip; Levi had insisted I stay with him until the stitches settled and he could be certain I wasn’t about to burst open and drop a kidney in the middle of the Mess Hall. Or at least he claimed that to be the reason.</p>
<p>I had other ideas.</p>
<p>“So, you get your bed to yourself again.” I mused lightly, sitting down beside him.</p>
<p>He hummed. “Thank God for that. You squirm like a rabid dog in your sleep.”</p>
<p>I laughed. I knew this to be true - there were more occasions than I could count when Alys had thrown pillows, books, combat boots at me to wake me from my fitful slumbers, my creaking mattress keeping her awake. The thought of Alys made my face fall. Grief was a strange thing. I could forget her for a while, as wrong as that sounded, but when memories of her struck, that only served to make the knife twist more. It was like I was betraying her to forget, and betraying her to remember. I couldn’t win.</p>
<p>Levi noticed the change in my demeanour.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” he asked. I shook my head, looking at my hands as my hair fell over my eyes. He grabbed my chin roughly, yanking my head to look at him, and searched my expression with his leaden glare. “I asked you a question.”</p>
<p>When I still didn’t reply, he gave a ‘Tsk’ and let my jaw go. He was agitated, and he had been since I was injured, but I couldn’t quite figure out why. I’d been out of training for two weeks, but I’d recovered remarkably quickly and wasn’t far off being on top form again. A few more weeks and I’d probably be stronger than ever, seeing how hard I was pushing myself so I didn’t fall behind.</p>
<p>For the fortnight I’d spent staying with him, he’d spoken to me perhaps twice. Usually he was gone by the time I woke; he engrossed himself in discussions with Erwin and Miche at mealtimes; and when we were in his room, he stayed in his office until I was lying in bed then changed in the bathroom before slipping silently into the bed beside me. It was then that he would want me. His arms would twine their way around my waist, pulling the curve of my spine into the line that ran between each side of his muscular torso. He’d hold me there, wordlessly, breathing into my hair until each exhale turned to satisfied sighs and I knew he was sleeping. Occasionally, he’d mutter dark words in his sleep, but if I woke him from his nightmares he’d just stare into my eyes in the darkness until his mind unfogged, then tug me back into his chest and fall asleep again. But still, not a word would pass between us.</p>
<p>The only idea I had was that he thought we were too close. I wasn’t stupid, I knew Scouts couldn’t be attached, it only led to impossible decisions and inevitable sacrifice for the sake of humanity. Humanity had to come first, but humans are selfish - I’d proven that when I risked everything just to watch Alys die anyway. I was a flight-risk, and I always had been, but surely I wouldn’t go running after Levi, no matter how dire the straits. We were connected through experience, and that ran deeper than emotions, but without emotions I wasn’t certain it could be said that I actually even cared about him. It was simply the idea of him, and what he represented because of what I saw of myself in him, that made it impossible for me to imagine a world without him. It had to be.</p>
<p>Even more, I was painstakingly aware of the looks I’d been getting from Hange and Moblit every time Levi dragged me into the Mess Hall, sat me beside him and plonked a plate of food in front of me. They’d share a glance, a secret questioning moment between them, before Hange would collect themself and launch into their next tirading speech about Titan research. Moblit would just sit quietly, eating in silence and humming in agreement with whatever Hange said. I couldn’t help that I’d hurt him, but it felt like shit all the same.</p>
<p>After deciding that I wasn’t going to talk, Levi stood to leave. His pale hand wrapped around the door handle, and suddenly the words fell out.</p>
<p>“I could ask you the same thing.”</p>
<p>He stopped.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>I considered if I should even bother to continue.</p>
<p>“You’ve barely spoken to me since The Trip. Why? What’s wrong?” I asked.</p>
<p>I focused on the bridge of his nose, not daring to look him in the eye as he turned to face me.</p>
<p>“Nothing. Everything’s fine, I’ve just had a lot going on (y/n).” he said, sounding almost bored. “I’m a Captain, I don’t get the luxury of relaxation.”</p>
<p>I scoffed. “And I do? Has it slipped your mind that I’m not the Mitras bitch you signed me off as. I work hard, and I resent the suggestion that I don’t.”</p>
<p>“If you showed up to training more consistently then -”</p>
<p>“I was <em>stabbed</em>!” I shouted. Levi was antagonistic by nature, I was all too aware of that, but this was like the man I’d met, not the man I knew.</p>
<p>“And maybe if you’d not wasted months pretending to be a shit fighter, you would’ve fought well enough to not get stabbed, you <em>moronic</em> little - you know what,” he lowered his voice. “I’m not doing this. Goodnight, Private (y/ln).”</p>
<p>He grabbed the door handle again, but I clamped my fingers around his wrist and yanked it back breathlessly. He seemed so calm, so nonchalant, like receding me back to nothing more than an inferior colleague was something he’d expected to do on a Thursday evening. In contrast, I was fired up, my cheeks flushing red with either anger, hurt, or something in between.</p>
<p>“You know what, Captain?” I seethed. “Maybe if you weren’t such a <em>coward</em>-”</p>
<p>My cheek burnt even more when his palm collided with my skin.</p>
<p>“<em>Don’t</em> call me a coward.” His voice was dangerously quiet, but that only egged me on.</p>
<p>“Then what is your problem?” I shouted, thankful that everyone else was still in the Mess Hall.</p>
<p>I remember as a child, whenever I got angry, my father would take me to the forest to collect sticks. We’d find the thickest ones my small arms could manage, and then we’d break them - snapping them, throwing them at trees, jumping on them. Anything to send them splintering into a million little pieces, like my anger was being fractured to such an extent that it would start to dissipate. But I never knew a person could do the same thing.</p>
<p>“I can’t watch you die!” Levi yelled furiously, his breath quickening as his banal facade broke. Realisation of what he’d said dawned on his face, and he snarled at me like a dog that had been kicked one too many times. It was ironic really, for that was possibly the closest metaphor to what we really were: just two stray dogs trying to navigate a scrap heap.</p>
<p>Before I could stop him, he was gone, leaving me to stand dumbfounded in the middle of the dust. Whether it was the dust on the wardrobe or the dust of his words I was choking on, I couldn’t decide.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>From my window, I could see the January moon clawing it’s way out from the low clouds. I wasn’t quite sure how long I’d been sat here, my legs crossed on my bed with my head resting on my hands on the windowsill. The Mess Hall had emptied a long while ago, and I was reasonably certain everyone was in bed. Except for me. Fuck it.</p>
<p>I grabbed a jumper to protect my arms from the cold, then swung my way out of the window and down the leafless branches of the tree until my feet crunched the dead leaves rotting on the frosty grass. As I rounded the corner of the Mess Hall, I saw him exactly where I’d hoped he’d be, sat beneath the same tree as always, snapping twigs between his fingers. Despite myself, a small smile tickled at my lips as I was once again reminded of the similarities we shared.</p>
<p>He scowled as I sat down beside him, and turned his face away from me. I said nothing. The sound of midnight - the hushing of the wind, the gentle calling of the birds, the whistling of dreams - surrounded us, encasing us in an eternity of uncomfortable silence.</p>
<p>As quietly as I could, I murmured, “I can’t let you die, either.”</p>
<p>Levi snapped his head to stare at me, but I kept my eyes glued on the distant tree line in front of us. Soon enough, he followed suit.</p>
<p>“It’s not a good thing.” he uttered almost inaudibly, and I nodded.</p>
<p>“I know.” I replied. “But since when has anything I do been a good idea?”</p>
<p>Stealing a glance in his direction, I saw him fight the twitch in his lips and I chuckled softly. My hand reached out and touched his, and he laced his fingers through mine.</p>
<p>“Look, I know the end for people like us.” I said, not quite certain whether ‘us’ was Scouts or Underground residents. “We fight to the death, it’s all we can do. But there’s nothing saying we can’t go down together. If we live, we won’t leave the other behind. And if we die, well... the sentiment still stands.”</p>
<p>“What about humanity?” Levi pressed. “Isn’t that what all this is for? Erwin’s ‘Great Purpose’?”</p>
<p>I unhooked my hand from his so that I could hold his face and pull him closer to me, out foreheads and noses touching.</p>
<p>“Fuck humanity.” I whispered. “There’s no humanity where we come from, so why bother trying to save it?”</p>
<p>“Fuck humanity.” he repeated.</p>
<p>“Fuck humanity.” I said one more time, before he cut me off by pressing his lips against my own.</p>
<p>It was different, needier, like I was seeing the flesh without the iron membrane he usually locked himself within. His arms pushed mine off him as he lay me backwards into the grass, the frozen dew glittering around my hair and wetting my clothes. His body was on top of mine, his knee bent between my legs with one arm propping him up enough to wrap the other around the back of my neck and ball my (y/hc) hair in his fist. Using the control to guide my chin upwards, his lips left mine and connected to my neck, dipping further and further down until his chin was nudging the collar of my jumper.</p>
<p>A small sigh fell from my lips as my eyes closed, and suddenly he was on my mouth again, using the parting of my lips as an invitation to dart his tongue into my mouth and pull me even closer to him. I reached my hands around his head to stroke the shaved hair at the nape of his neck, and he shivered slightly, before pulling away.</p>
<p>“It’s cold. We should go to bed.” he said, his words landing as hot breath on my tingling skin.</p>
<p>I pouted slightly, disappointed. My room was cold, empty and miserable, and sleep was the furthest thing from my mind.</p>
<p>“Do we have to?” I replied, cursing the hint of whiny desperation creeping into my voice.</p>
<p>Levi shrugged. “I just thought you’d be more comfortable if we were in my bed. Your choice, <em>brat</em>.” A small smirk quirked his mouth as he elongated the last word for emphasis.</p>
<p>I returned the gesture, understanding now. Content with the promise of his arms around me while I slept for another night, I sat up. The moon had disappeared behind the clouds, leaving behind the inky residue of a pitch black sky. Some might say it was claustrophobic, but to me it was a reminder of home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Our</em> home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kudos and comments always appreciated &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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